Rain-bleared Leaves

[symphony]

The forests creased into the deepest of green,
the depth made the green blue-like.
And the trees had no different birth.


So eager the rain seemed to purge,
to wash the forest white, its drops
envied every dewed bead, brushed off,


spurned the sprigs that strung
perfumes. The trees were colored
with the rain. The trees were the rain.


A rain-bleared leaf
diffused its frisson
through the streaked air.

[PrinceMyshkin]

How wonderful the effect that can be achieved, like here, when the poet absolutely forbids herself the privilege of being a judge or commentator but observes, does nothing but observe faithfully!

[symphony]

...when the poet absolutely forbids herself the privilege of being a judge or commentator but observes, does nothing but observe faithfully!
Glad u got that. I had to write it a couple of nights ago, if u know what i mean, but then on rereading it last night i thought it sounded...empty. Had no predictions, no self-discovery, not even a haunting line. But then, since i wrote it that way, since i had to write it that way, i kept it as was and thought it'd be nice to share.

It rained the night after this, by the way.

[PrinceMyshkin]

but then on rereading it last night i thought it sounded...empty. Had no predictions, no self-discovery, not even a haunting line.

But ultimately is there any greater evidence of our existence than to say, as it were, I was there. I witnessed this?

[symphony]

But ultimately is there any greater evidence of our existence than to say, as it were, I was there. I witnessed this?
There couldnt be.

:)

[Virgil]

A very nice poem Symph. I think it quite interesting and lyrical. And yet the most interesting line is the least lyrical: "The trees were the rain." A sort of metaphysical cross over which was quite convincing. Not sure about the last stanza though. The poem needs a conclusion after that line, but for some reason that hasn't dawned on me, that stanza doesn't do it. Maybe because I don't see why the line length shifts for that last stanza, changing the rhythm. How wonderful these lines:

So eager the rain seemed to purge,
to wash the forest white, its drops
envied every dewed bead, brushed off,


spurned the sprigs that strung
perfumes.

[symphony]

Thanks Virge, "the trees were the rain"- was my favorite line in here. :)

I thought it needed that compression in the last stanza.
But yeah may be it needs more than just that.

[Pendragon]

Thanks Virge, "the trees were the rain"- was my favorite line in here. :)

I thought it needed that compression in the last stanza.
But yeah may be it needs more than just that.

I was going to tell you, Sy, that that was my favorite line as well. The image of the trees in the falling rain, and then the trees becoming the rain, was so powerful.

In the movie "V", V tells Evie that his grandmother always told him that God was in the rain, and it was raining the night he escaped from the concentration camp. The night Evie looses her fear it also rains. I must admit that when troubled, I often go walking in the rain, but the thought of becoming the rain--my Native American ancestors would love that!

[TheFifthElement]

It's a nice poem symphony, but I'm seeing a theme, a pattern in your poetry -colours (particularly blue), leaves, rain, these have all appeared as key themes in much of your recent poetry (Solstice, To the Tree at my Window II). I'd like to see, would be very interested to see actually, something a little different, perhaps something a little less safe. You're a talented poet, and I think there could be some interesting results if you took things, perhaps, in a slightly different direction.

The poem is fine in itself, though I'm not entirely sure I understand that last stanza and I wonder if there are too many uncommon words there (bleared, diffused, frisson) which would make the poem less accessible to most. Like Virgil and Pendragon I find these lines the most effective:

The trees were colored
with the rain. The trees were the rain.

I also enjoyed the use of alliteration, and the subtle repetition which occurs throughout the poem.

Anyway, it's good, but I suppose what I'm saying is, you've already shown you can do this, let's see what else you can do :)

[dibyendra]

Lovely Symphony. :) Well written!

[symphony]

In the movie "V", V tells Evie that his grandmother always told him that God was in the rain, and it was raining the night he escaped from the concentration camp. The night Evie looses her fear it also rains. I must admit that when troubled, I often go walking in the rain, but the thought of becoming the rain--my Native American ancestors would love that!
Thanks Pen, i'll have to see that movie.



...it's good, but I suppose what I'm saying is, you've already shown you can do this, let's see what else you can do :)

I see what you're saying. I'm being too predictable. Though i had a recent piece which i thought had a slightly different perspective (dont know if you've seen "On not understanding poetry" (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=32272)?), that too touched these same elements at places. :p I'm biased and obsessed with leaves, colors, etc etc.

Anyway, currently i'm letting myself go with the flow, let's see where it takes me. ;)
Thanks fifth, i value ur comments. :)


And thanks dibyendra, glad you like it. :)

[dibyendra]

And the trees had no different birth.




The trees were colored
with the rain. The trees were the rain.

I reread this poem again. These lines clearly present how you had felt while you've written this poem. Brilliant work Symph!!! I wish you a good luck. Keep up your good work! :thumbs_up

[ReynardKitsune]

yes good work!

[kiz_paws]

I also enjoyed the poem, you painted the picture beautifully with your words. My favorite line would have to be:
The trees were colored
with the rain. The trees were the rain.Awesome indeed. :thumbs_up

p.s. DO rent V for Vendetta, I have seen it close to ten times now, I loved it that much! :eek: (each time I see it, I note something that I missed before -- a very captivating tale indeed) :thumbs_up

[firefangled]

Symphony, I thought this poem was so striking. This is one of those things we see and say this can't be described and yet we describe it anyway. The feeling of your poem reminded me of a poem by Wallace Stevens called Domination of Black.

[ahsiam]

you have a style that you put in your poem and thats what i liked about it.
wonderful thoughts had drooped in this poem. i loved the way you did that.
i liked the last stanza very much.
you go....girl!!

[scarlet pain]

simply splendid i would say,free and jolly expression.
and as i would say u go girl!:p

[symphony]

I also enjoyed the poem, you painted the picture beautifully with your words. My favorite line would have to be: Awesome indeed. :thumbs_up

p.s. DO rent V for Vendetta, I have seen it close to ten times now, I loved it that much! :eek: (each time I see it, I note something that I missed before -- a very captivating tale indeed) :thumbs_up
Thanks kiz.
Hmmmm a friend has this movie, i believe. Gotta check it out. Soon.



Symphony, I thought this poem was so striking. This is one of those things we see and say this can't be described and yet we describe it anyway. The feeling of your poem reminded me of a poem by Wallace Stevens called Domination of Black.
I just read that poem you named. As always, Stevens has it. I dont wish i could write like him, the world doesnt need another Wallace Stevens, but that poem sure made me wish i were surrounded by a peacock-blue place like that right now. The world needs loads more green. I miss green. Terribly.
Thanks fire.



you have a style that you put in your poem and thats what i liked about it.
wonderful thoughts had drooped in this poem. i loved the way you did that.
i liked the last stanza very much.
you go....girl!!


simply splendid i would say,free and jolly expression.
and as i would say u go girl!:p

Haha, thanks ya two. ;) Kal dekha hole ekta deadly hug pawar jonno toiri thakish. :p