the man on the moon

[lucidnightmares]

white, great nothingness
blue, the shimmering moons
black, empty hopes

staring past the eternal lies
into something deeper
something darker
something human

see what we hold inside
look upon the damnation we created
as we buried our pain to lessen our sorrow
numbing the empty sensations of a world gone gray

this light is blinding
burning the soul
seek darkness, cold protection
as i seek the god i have created

for only your eyes can see
past the fog of life
and into me
a sickening sight

i stare into the sky
only to see the moon of your eyes
never could i look away, for i am trapped within
against my will i have become the man on the moon

[sparr0w]

Hmm... powerful. Starts out as kind of a dark essay on the nature of the world and of man, which for you seems to be a recurrent topic, but then, and this was the interesting part for me, came the last four lines, where the topic sharply turns to your devotion to (presumeably) the one you love. Very interesting. It almost sounds like a reluctant love, but perhaps that actually ties in the the line: "Seek Darkness, cold protection, as I seek the God I have created"... It reminds me of a great Cobain quote (can't remember which song at the moment) which I always loved and related to, "I miss the comfort in being sad". For some people, as well as for me at many times in my life, there is something very soothing about the absolution of depression, kind of like (to put it in one of my strange/pretencious metephors) Not having to color the pages, because they're already colored for you. The colors may not be pleasing, but the work has already been done. This is the only reason I could see you relating your love to being an obligation. Very interesting indeed, I think this one illuminates your way of thinking a little more for me. Perhaps I have it all wrong, though. Maybee this love (you may not be talking about someone you're in love with, I'm just making an assumption here) of yours is for you like an oasis in the desert. This, I could also understand. After all, most poets know that hell makes heaven look even better, right? I may be off on both guesses, but it doesn't much matter. Each has depth, so both would be good perspectives, and one thing you have to remember is this: Leave your experiences and emotions plain and obvious to the reader, while leaving your own personal perspective on the situation somewhat ambiguous. That way, EVERYONE gets something out of it. I feel you already do this quite well, just thought I'd put it into words for you. Something to chew on, you know? Anyways, Keep writing. I can see your style evolving before my eyes on these forums, and it's amazing to see you grow. Be sure to let me know when you post something new (even if, as you said, you don't think it's "any good"). Your writing is very revealing of your character, which is something rare in poets today. It reflects an even harder to come by characteristic: HONESTY. I love it, I just love it. Peace! - Chris