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Elementz
03-01-2008, 11:47 AM
For all of the Sandra's we know, or heard of:

Mama's by herself, the baby won't stop screaming
Wishing she could take back the night she was
pumped full of seamen
This was never her plan, it was not what she envisioned
Tears beagan to fall as she realizes she made some wrong decisions
Her emotions take a turn, as the tears beget pain
She can't believe she gave the baby his last name.

Looking in his face she sees the man that beat her
Denied it for years but her body told he was a cheater
She became ill from a disease that has no cure
How can she fight, why should she try to live
When all she has now, is a body that kills
A double barrel shotgun, she plays with the trigger
Staring at the baby, all she sees is that niggah.

The baby stares back, recognizes his mama and smiles
B-A-M! One shot fired...she just killed her own child
Drowning in a sea of blood, as her body hits the floor
Her body begins to shake as the blood continues to pour
She wanders the street in a robe and a daze
She finds her dealer, takes her lasts breaths
as the fire, the fire, starts to blaze.

Flashes of her past, her mama's on crack
A lonley girl stares out the window knowing her father's never coming back
Girl turned to woman, who never found her worth
Sher cradles her dead baby as she passes form this Earth
She o d'ed on life and everything it has to offer
Her eyes began to roll, her hands let go
Nothing left to do, nothing left to ponder
Noone thinks, noone talks, noone cares for Sandra.

IF YOU HAVE ANY FEMINIST LIT, OR KNOW OF ANY GOOD LIT FROM OTHER USERS OR FAMOUS WRITERS, PLEASE ATTACH IT TO THIS THREAD FOR OTHERS TO READ WHO ENJOY DOING SO...& TELL A FRIEND ABOUT IT. WOULD LOVE TO READ IT ALL TOGETHER

(first poem posted and would love to receive any kind of honest feedback).

Pendragon
03-01-2008, 12:03 PM
Honest. It's an honest record of life, unfortunately. My own dad left his family, and mama raised three of us by herself. I know many "Sandras", as you called them in your poem. I would soften the racial slur somehow, although there are tears in my eyes, for I know the reasons behind the burst, and also the amount of gore (we understand that if someone shoots their baby, it bleeds badly, the image is already in our mind, we don't need the "blood begins to pour" to tells us!)

I feel the pain of your poem and it hurts. We were dirt-poor, but mama kept us somehow. She attempted suicide herself at lest once. I don't know what would have happened to us...

Pen

http://smilies.vidahost.com/games/dbz/dragonball-wishdragon.gif

GildedWeb
03-01-2008, 03:44 PM
I loved it. Its raw and brutal and truthful. You didnt try to cover up the images it invokes with something glossy and beautiful. Id rather read this type of poetry forever than read some of the highly polished supposed perfection that others find facinating.

Youve got one fan at least.
xoxo

Elementz
03-01-2008, 08:26 PM
Hey! Thanx so much for your feedback. I think you are so right. Perhaps I will used figure instead of "niggah" to make it even more inclusive for everyone who reads. I wrote (this experience) more for others than myself and I am glad you got something out of it and took the time to comment. thanx again!

Elementz
03-01-2008, 08:28 PM
Thanx a million for your comment! I wonder will my response go directly to you (my intentions). These two comments from yourself and another makes me teary! I have never posted my writing and am very happy to share it. I really hope you know how much your comment means! thanx again