The Time I Took Mescaline

[jon1jt]

NOW I'M GOING TO TELL YOU THAT THIS POEM CONTAINS HIGHLY OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE AND IMAGES. SO IF YOU'RE SQUEAMISH, RELIGIOUS, DON'T READ IT. I WARN YOU IN THAT CASE NOT TO READ IT. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.


I hid under a table at age nine,
and in the mumbling silence
felt the
closest to not existing at all.
I woke to the sound of my mother’s sweet voice
telling me to go back to sleep.

I have loved.
My seven-year old niece who sings
Leonard Cohen songs
with me.

And the skylight is like skin for a drum I'll never mend
and all the rain falls down amen
on the works of last year's man

I performed my share
of ordinary chores,
erased blackboards, choked
on the chalk of words,
the chalk-dust
clung to my pants like gnats gnawing.

But before I shove off,
before I'm kicked the hell out of the Poetry Motel,
let me admit this one thing:
I've only thought myself fascinating once,
the time I took mescaline.
Don't hold it against me,
I had a conversation with my big erection.

It told me what it wished to do,
wanted nothing more but to use itself.
How sweetly it knows a full moon.
Kiss kiss kiss.
It would put its hole up for sale
for a gaze,
to bore a greater love, wretched, cresting--
Imagine if I passed through airport security?
"Hey mister you with the..."

The police were mad as hell ---arrested me.
I cried, "For having a conversation with my big erection?"
Stop calling it big then.

Just then I noticed a priest reach down to adjust himself.
So casual, smooth.
Bless him.

[Virgil]

I'm not sure how good a poem it is (first reaction: mediocre) but it made me laugh. :lol: :lol: Hey I'm about to go to bed and now I'm worried I'll have dreams about your erection. I hope I'm not scarred. At least you have a good opinion of your erections. :lol: What exactly do you consider "big"?

[jon1jt]

I'm not sure how good a poem it is (first reaction: mediocre) but it made me laugh. :lol: :lol: Hey I'm about to go to bed and now I'm worried I'll have dreams about your erection. I hope I'm not scarred. At least you have a good opinion of your erections. :lol: What exactly do you consider "big"?

:lol: Virge, you're missing the poetry of it. :lol:

[kiz_paws]

I wanted to make a Mae West remark, but I'll just stow it ... ;)

Jon, I liked this poem (yay Cohen!). You have an amazing way of just being yourself, I love it. Hey, I liked:
Don't hold it against me,
I had a conversation with my big erection or
Consider that if all our elected leaders had them,
we might become a nation of pacifistsYour last verse made me wonder ... what was he reallysaying, but I smiled -- good closing thought!

All in all, an enjoyable read, thanks milord! :p

[Virgil]

:lol: Virge, you're missing the poetry of it. :lol:

I don't know. No wonder you were kicked out of the poetry motel. ;)

[Il Penseroso]

pre-edit: I think I'm with Virgil on this one. It starts out with promise, and could still have potential, but I don't think it's really much better than a self-conscious allusion to a lousy Jim Morrison ramble.


post-edit:
(any chance of seeing the first version again for comparison?)

[jon1jt]

Dont' give up yet, I'm still editing the dang thing! :lol: Now hold on! Read it again my brothers, love love.

[Etienne]

I like it, it's light, funny and... there's no word for it in English, sadly... éclaté.

[Countess]

I haven't tried mescaline yet. I will add that to the list of drugs to try before I die. Nice flow here, Jon. You should find yourself fascinating more often!

[Sweets America]

I am not in love with this poem. However I loved the first lines very much:


I hid under a table at age nine and
in the mumbling silence,
felt the
closest to not existing at all.

You have no idea of how much this speaks to me. But, the rest of the poem was like an anti-climax to me. Well it's just different from what I love in your writing.

Oh, as a side note: this...


NOW I'M GOING TO TELL YOU THAT THIS POEM CONTAINS HIGHLY OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE AND IMAGES. SO IF YOU'RE SQUEAMISH, RELIGIOUS, DON'T READ IT. I WARN YOU IN THAT CASE NOT TO READ IT. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.

...was an astute way to make the reader actually want to read your poem. ;)

[TheFifthElement]

This:


Just then I noticed a priest reach down to adjust himself.
So casual, smooth.
Bless him.

made me laugh, very clever. Overall I'm not sold on the poem, it doesn't really speak to me, but then I've never really understood the fascination with drugs, I always think they would spoil my dreams. You've got some really good stuff in there but it seems to be a poem of two halves that don't quite fit together. I think you could almost start the poem with "before I shove off..." and work forwards from there.

There's a really good poem by Adrian Mitchell about erections called "A Puppy Called Puberty" which you should check out - I'll PM it to you if you like?

[Pendragon]

Jon, Jon, Jon. Made me giggle, like Virgle. As a former addict, hey I was wild once, I had many trips on pills (I never smoked weed or shot up, but if it came in pill form and I could get hold of it, well,,,) but nothing like you discribe...:lol: But is it poetry? Sorry, but I have to ask that question. It makes me laugh, but is it really a poem is the question I keep asking myself, because you write wonderful poetry...

[Virgil]

As I reread it, I think the only stanza worth saving is the first:


I hid under a table at age nine,
and in the mumbling silence
felt the
closest to not existing at all.
I woke to the sound of my mother’s sweet voice
telling me to go back to sleep.

That's quite good.

[dibyendra]

NOW I'M GOING TO TELL YOU THAT THIS POEM CONTAINS HIGHLY OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE AND IMAGES. SO IF YOU'RE SQUEAMISH, RELIGIOUS, DON'T READ IT. I WARN YOU IN THAT CASE NOT TO READ IT. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.


:D I Couldn't stop myself from reading after going through your exhortation. :lol:


I hid under a table at age nine,
and in the mumbling silence
felt the
closest to not existing at all.

It's the best part in your poem from my perspective. It reminded me of my childhood when I used to do that while playing with my elder brothers.

And yes Jon, you've unique voice in your poetry and different style of writing which I really admire about you. :thumbs_up

[SleepyWitch]

hehe, try dissolving two aspirins (the ones that you have to dissolve, obviously) in a glass of coke :) I bet it's better than mescathingy :D

[Virgil]

I'm reminded of the old saw in short story writing: if you're stuck introduce a machine gun into the story and it'll make it interesting, but not necessary a good story. If you're stuck writing a poem introduce an erection and it'll make it interesting, but not necessarily a good poem. ;)

[SleepyWitch]

I'm reminded of the old saw in short story writing: if you're stuck introduce a machine gun into the story and it'll make it interesting, but not necessary a good story. If you're stuck writing a poem introduce an erection and it'll make it interesting, but not necessarily a good poem. ;)

hehe, we should take a poll about that.
I am a woman and I prefer a bad poet with a big erection to a good poet with a small erection
I am a woman and I prefer... the other way round
I am a man and I prefer....
I am Lote
I am Virge

[jon1jt]

Hey I'm about to go to bed and now I'm worried I'll have dreams about your erection. I hope I'm not scarred. At least you have a good opinion of your erections. :lol: What exactly do you consider "big"?

No different than counting sheep, eh? Perve perve perve!!!! :lol:

[blp]

I don't understand why people keep asking if it's really poetry. What's not poetry about it?

I like a lot it from the mescaline bit on. The 'I have done...' various poetic things list is, you know, adverty and the transition to 'but I have only...' (yes, I realise I'm not quoting verbatim) is an old trope. But the big erection thing is really good.

[dramasnot6]

I must admit Jon, I was a little taken aback at how dark and vulgar this poem was...I have never been one to be "offended",I appreciate graphics and even vulgarity in poetry as it enhances the mood,tone and message...but this one seemed to be sucked of the usual passionate beauty that lights up most of your work. It isn't a bad poem, of course, but I guess I just didn't find it as accessabile or enjoyable as your other poems..although that may be your intention?

[caelycate]

wow, i think everyone has been too critical! i liked it.

[kiz_paws]

What the heck??

I went to sleep and woke up to a completely different version??

Oh well. Jon, you are bold, creative and yeah, I like the way you do things. Your speaking 'the unspeakable' (** cheezy organ climax music **) in a poem is very creative, you make me smile.
K♥z

[motherhubbard]

I wish I had seen the transformation. Boy, I log off for a couple of hours and I miss everything. I had to look up Mescaline in the dictionary. I like the poem. I didn’t expect it to go the way it did, but you always surprise me. I like your honest voice, I wonder if you sound in person the way you do on paper. I think you are very bold to say the things you say. Even though I’m religious I ignored the warning. I liked it Jon. Now you will forever have big erection associated with your name. Is that good luck or careful planning?

[jon1jt]

This:


made me laugh, very clever. Overall I'm not sold on the poem, it doesn't really speak to me, but then I've never really understood the fascination with drugs, I always think they would spoil my dreams. You've got some really good stuff in there but it seems to be a poem of two halves that don't quite fit together. I think you could almost start the poem with "before I shove off..." and work forwards from there.

There's a really good poem by Adrian Mitchell about erections called "A Puppy Called Puberty" which you should check out - I'll PM it to you if you like?

I wrote the whole piece as a peyote vision, where halves are whole halves. :p But I see what you mean, makes sense; I don't make sense. And pleeease do send that poem, yes! Thanks fifth.

[jon1jt]

Now you will forever have big erection associated with your name. Is that good luck or careful planning?


Any association between a big erection and its writer is coincidence and not the express intention of the writer. :p

[TheFifthElement]

I wrote the whole piece as a peyote vision, where halves are whole halves. :p But I see what you mean, makes sense; I don't make sense. And pleeease do send that poem, yes! Thanks fifth.

Consider it done :)