hitmeup
02-29-2008, 09:55 PM
I have written a 1 page assignment on an Endangered Pleasure by using Descriptive Writing however I thought I did well on this paper but received a grade that I was not happy with. I am fixing it up like putting it in third person, I just wanted any other opinions and some advice thank you to anyone who responds. I had many marks such as cliche's, abstract, second person, reference and out of control sentences. But over all I though it was a great paper :). Endangered Pleasures via Descriptive Writing.
Endangered Pleasures
A proper diet is slipping away and crashing like the stock market on a bad day, from time to time leaving others in a up and down fluctuating habit of yo-yo dieting; fast food, busy schedules, lack of self control, and addiction are all contributors to the dillema of this endangered pleasure. Diet pills and infommercials provide relief. False promises to the self provide extensions to reform. Blame your genes, blame the fast food industry, blame it on hidden ingredients, but people will not blame themselves. Food has become the medication for a broken heart. Sitting in the couch eating snacks has become more entertaining then going to the park; prepareing a homecooked meal, whether healhy or not, is on a endangered list. The lack of providing oneself with some form of exercise or physical act are clear indicators of growth buildup. Sitting in the car, sitting in the office, sitting in class, sitting at home on the computer or television, but people refuse to look into doing one sit up.
It's harder to get out than to get into this type of situation. However it seems it is easier to over eat, sleep better an feels better, than to under eat with the fear of having to come face to face with the growling monster living in the deep, dark, hollow cave of the stomach. Beep, beep, beep and its ready. Why create music with banging pots, eavesdrop on the sizzle of onions in hot sweltering oil on there first encounter, letting the aroma dance its way into your nostrils like a cobra being charmed with a pungi: when you can beep, beep, beep and make a phone call an your dinner is tendered to you.
This modern world has pushed on the gas pedal. Remember coming home, opening the door after school and taking a wiff of a homecooked meal fresh on the stove. Handmade with consideration and love behind every ingredient needed for that dish, so familiar that you could visualize your plate before seeing it. Intended for your well being and content. Today we come home, open the door, run pass the kitchen, go to our rooms or sit in front of the television and say we have already ate out. Pass the meal to overeat at improper times. Full and hungry, sitting down with one hand in a bag of chips.
Our accusations consist of admitting lack of self control and claiming to have an addiction. Lust for that taste which continues to elevate the tolerance level of vulnerable taste buds. Turning left, driving down the road with the warm, salty, mouth watering pretzels that are detected with the nose radar a mile away. Going overboard by hiding food. Overwieght people suffer from diabetes, obesity, shortness of breath, and urges of hitting the local buffet than other healthier people whom are also tempted, aware and exposed to the same choices. This shows that lack of self control may not be the problem; the healthier person, despite fast food chains, all you can eat buffets, and the convenience of having your food delivered to you, we fail to realize that there are people in the world that say, “no thanks, thats enough for me.”
Endangered Pleasures
A proper diet is slipping away and crashing like the stock market on a bad day, from time to time leaving others in a up and down fluctuating habit of yo-yo dieting; fast food, busy schedules, lack of self control, and addiction are all contributors to the dillema of this endangered pleasure. Diet pills and infommercials provide relief. False promises to the self provide extensions to reform. Blame your genes, blame the fast food industry, blame it on hidden ingredients, but people will not blame themselves. Food has become the medication for a broken heart. Sitting in the couch eating snacks has become more entertaining then going to the park; prepareing a homecooked meal, whether healhy or not, is on a endangered list. The lack of providing oneself with some form of exercise or physical act are clear indicators of growth buildup. Sitting in the car, sitting in the office, sitting in class, sitting at home on the computer or television, but people refuse to look into doing one sit up.
It's harder to get out than to get into this type of situation. However it seems it is easier to over eat, sleep better an feels better, than to under eat with the fear of having to come face to face with the growling monster living in the deep, dark, hollow cave of the stomach. Beep, beep, beep and its ready. Why create music with banging pots, eavesdrop on the sizzle of onions in hot sweltering oil on there first encounter, letting the aroma dance its way into your nostrils like a cobra being charmed with a pungi: when you can beep, beep, beep and make a phone call an your dinner is tendered to you.
This modern world has pushed on the gas pedal. Remember coming home, opening the door after school and taking a wiff of a homecooked meal fresh on the stove. Handmade with consideration and love behind every ingredient needed for that dish, so familiar that you could visualize your plate before seeing it. Intended for your well being and content. Today we come home, open the door, run pass the kitchen, go to our rooms or sit in front of the television and say we have already ate out. Pass the meal to overeat at improper times. Full and hungry, sitting down with one hand in a bag of chips.
Our accusations consist of admitting lack of self control and claiming to have an addiction. Lust for that taste which continues to elevate the tolerance level of vulnerable taste buds. Turning left, driving down the road with the warm, salty, mouth watering pretzels that are detected with the nose radar a mile away. Going overboard by hiding food. Overwieght people suffer from diabetes, obesity, shortness of breath, and urges of hitting the local buffet than other healthier people whom are also tempted, aware and exposed to the same choices. This shows that lack of self control may not be the problem; the healthier person, despite fast food chains, all you can eat buffets, and the convenience of having your food delivered to you, we fail to realize that there are people in the world that say, “no thanks, thats enough for me.”