The New Warmth

[MrBosnia]

The New Warmth


As the luminous snow thaws off of the roughness of the evergreens,
a New Warmth tickles the persevering land.
The Warmth dashes across every color of the poppies,
with the patience of time but with the wisdom of a philosopher.

It makes the spilt nectar on the petals shine of happiness with the generous sun,
as the agile bees cannot wait, with their chirping paper-thin wings.
The tranquil blues of the Blue Jays that clash with the temper reds of the roses,
a battle of colorful lucidity that has been known to make any rainbow weep.

You will find the robins sing higher notes when this warmth engulfs them,
and the turtles by the ponds too seem to plod along more hastily.
The heated lakes now again splash their flawless orchestra heard across the hills,
an orchestra that could make any conductor listen in awe.

As the Warmth kisses everything that nature has given birth to,
the land has once again proved its diligence against the challenge winter has posed.
The untold might of nature’s sons and daughters stand in balance with their elegance,
a vigor, grace, and simplicity that men too scarcely mimic.

[ReynardKitsune]

such a beautiful poem, i loved it and the words used are just so good :D

[TheFifthElement]

Hi MrBosnia, and welcome to Lit-net.

Interesting poem which, perhaps, would benefit from some editing/trimming. You've got a good theme running through there, but the first thing which stood out to me was the heavy use of 'the' which impeded the rhythm and flow. For example, S 1


As the luminous snow thaws off of the roughness of the evergreens,
a New Warmth tickles the persevering land.
The Warmth dashes across every color of the poppies,
with the patience of time but with the wisdom of a philosopher.

could be (for illustration only - always edit as you see fit)


As luminous snow thaws off rough evergreens,
New Warmth tickles a persevering land,
dashing across every colored poppy,
patient as time, wise as a philosopher

or something along those lines. You've got really nice use of words there, tinker around with them, try a few different things and, without changing the underlying theme, you've got a good poem there.

[Pendragon]

I like your color words and comparisons to sounds, but like Fifth, think it could use editing. I have a tendency to allow myself to run on, and require an editor myself!

[MrBosnia]

That was some helpful criticism TheFifthElement. I now see the flow impendment the extra "the"s are causing on the overall poem, and I shall revise it.