shattered

[GildedWeb]

scattered, shattered
you never really mattered
another dollar, another day
another reason to run away

life to splice
you arent worth the sacrifice
in a gilded cage
this war I wage

I beat the bars
and count the cars

I pray for the end
because I cannot bend
my spirit would break


its not enough to make me stay
another dollar, another day
another reason to run away


the wife with the knife
filled with strife
dreaming of another life

[NUT]

this poem sounds like it could be the lyric to a pop / rock song... a pretty dark song though, I suppose!

Anyone see that in it?

[Pendragon]

Clichés! “Another day, another dollar” “gilded cage”! We really need to avoid these in poetry. The way you have arranged them, they don’t do so bad. But careful when writing! :p

[GildedWeb]

The cliche was on purpose, think of a woman staying for the money. For the life that it offers. I can see where it isnt a good idea to use them but in the context I found that it worked well.

Thanks for the opinions Pendragon.

[GildedWeb]

I suppose it could be some lyrics, I dont know who would want to sing them though haha. I was in a funky mood and just jotted it down. Less than 3 minutes on that.

Thanks for commenting.