The Difference

[APEist]

One thing you need to know about this story is that right now I'm living in southern Georgia, in the U.S. It's a very, very conservative region, and deeply routed in tradition. The topic of this piece is no trivial matter where I am.

The Difference

“Ok, people, this is Prep Street,” said the Guide. “This is where you spend the remainder of your tokens. You all have approximately one hour to purchase your earthly characteristics. Remember, try to spend every token! Good luck.”

The enormous group dispersed quickly. We had just been conducted away from the previous avenue, where the Primary Attribute lotteries were held. I hadn’t done too well there; my tokens pouch was a bit scanty because of that damn Physiology lottery. I couldn’t help it though, the worst surprise yet about all this Earth business was beauty not correlating with character. What other nonsense awaited?

This new street was quite different from the last, at least. It was longer and there were shanty little vendors lining either side as far as I could see. An offensive array of colors beamed from hundreds of neon signs. The nearest was blinking and read “Common Sense: Don’t be a Dolt!” All around, merchants vouched for the throng’s attention, shouting and haggling at the top of their voices.

The assortment of shops was astounding. “General Hobby” looked to be a popular one, and there was a large and rather shady crowd huddled around the “Sexuality Specialties” location. “Genuine Morals” was garnering less attention than “FluxMorality,” I noticed. Unwilling to make the mistake of impromptu spending again, I decided to walk a ways and see what else was being offered.

After a short while, I reached a less populated area. At one of the vendors, a person was having a rather large necklace fastened on. “Theologies: Not the Study!” I read on the sign above as I approached.

“There ya are, sonny. You’re all set.”

“Does it need to be so heavy?” complained the customer.

“You’ll be fine, go ahead and twaddle on now. Ah, and who are you? Another client, are ya?” inquired the old man, turning to me.

“What are you selling?”

“Oh, different religions and such: I got every sect of Christianity, Islam, and Hinduism,” he said proudly. “Interested?”

“Religion? Why haven’t you more customers?”

“Oh, most likely ‘cause of how ya get your parent’s belief by default anyways. People like what lets em blend in, ya know.”

“I guess… What’s the difference between them?”

“The religions? Well there’s a big difference, of course! There is a religion and a sect for everyone; I just look up your earthly profile and find what’ll fit best, it’s easy!” said the old merchant as he ruffled through some files behind the counter.

“What do you mean, ‘what fits best’?”

“Whatever’ll keep ya from worryin about the end, ya know, while you’re livin. That’s how most people that come here choose, anyways. You can decide yourself, if ya want.”

“Alright, but do I need to choose now?”

“Like they say, ‘gotta get em while they’re young’. That’s how religions work. I do offer pre-planned religion swaps, though.”

“Well, can’t I go without a religion altogether?”

“Without a religion! Ya wanna live a life of uncertainty and fear!?” spat the haggard vendor. “You’re not gonna remember any of this here, sonny, so ya better stop thinkin ya will!”

“Sorry, just a question… Anyways, what’s the difference again?”

The old man looked exasperated, and with some finality he replied:

“Sonny, the difference is, whatever you choose, someone else is going to be getting the short end of stick.”

I paused a moment to consider.

“That’s it? Well, okay then, I’ll take whatever fits best.”

“Good then! I’ll find ya one in just a second.”

With revived enthusiasm, the man went off to retrieve a necklace. I just hoped it wouldn’t be too heavy.

[AuntShecky]

This is quite an ambitious attempt at allegory, a subgenre we don't see very often in contemporary literature. The most important feature of a successful allegory is having
just the right amount of subtlety -- it can't be so obscure that the reader doesn't get the hidden meaning but at the same time the sledgehammer would be all wrong. I think-- I think then the touch in this is "light" enough.

Two suggestions: a more expressive title, and a paragraph or two establishing the setting of the story. That way, you wouldn't need to include the preface about
Southern Georgia.

[Nighteyes5678]

First of all, you've done a bang-up job. In the good way, of course.

I would agree that it would be nice to have a little more atmosphere description. It would help add to the story, but I do like how you've kept that part light so it doesn't out-weigh the rest of the details.

There are a few times in which the conversation seems to hang up, but that could be a style difference between us.

Then, about the end, if everyone automatically defers to the religion of their parents, how is choosing a custom religion making someone get the short end of the stick?

Good work.

[APEist]

Thanks Aunt and Night, appreciate the comments.

Aunt, I know what you mean about allegory. I knew what I wanted to say, but I didn't know how to say it without coming across as a blantantly preachy twit. But then I came up with the setting of the story and figured if I made the religion aspect seem impersonal enough, I could pull it off.

And about a "paragraph or two establishing the setting of the story," well, I wanted the setting to be the little pre-life world that was it. I didn't want to hint at a specific region of the world being the eventual 'destination', because I thought it would become an attack if I did so. I couldn't think of a way to implement it, basically.



Then, about the end, if everyone automatically defers to the religion of their parents, how is choosing a custom religion making someone get the short end of the stick?


Hmm, I can see how I wasn't clear enough now. In that line, I was trying to comment on the self-centric nature of religion. If you believe in X religion, people belonging to Y, Z, etc. religions are sh!t outta luck, but you are safe since you are on 'the right path'.

PS. I'm terrible with titles Aunt, I can't ever seem to come up with something good.

[Nighteyes5678]

My suggestion about the setting? Make it clear that this is where a bunch of different cultures and regions mix. It's very clear that it's a collection, don't be afraid to expand that a little bit in order to build the setting.

As far as the end bit goes... I understand that this story has a focused point, but here's some thoughts that I hope are helpful. If nothing else, consider them questions raised by your story. Do all religions have to be so narrow-minded? Just because you pick your religion to be "right", does that make it so? By picking his religion, is he dooming himself to a narrow-minded view of the world? Why would he do that? For safety, security or peace of mind?

[APEist]

My suggestion about the setting? Make it clear that this is where a bunch of different cultures and regions mix. It's very clear that it's a collection, don't be afraid to expand that a little bit in order to build the setting.

There aren't different cultures or regions. They will become different cultures/religions, but they aren't defined like that yet. I'll add something in a day or two to elaborate that. Should only take a sentence or two.


As far as the end bit goes... I understand that this story has a focused point, but here's some thoughts that I hope are helpful. If nothing else, consider them questions raised by your story. Do all religions have to be so narrow-minded? Just because you pick your religion to be "right", does that make it so? By picking his religion, is he dooming himself to a narrow-minded view of the world? Why would he do that? For safety, security or peace of mind?

That's the whole point, man. Religions ARE narrow minded, inherently. They wouldn't exist if it weren't so, it's the entire point. When you are a certain religion, everyone who doesn't share your same faith is sh!t out of luck in the long run, in your mind (unless they convert to your faith). That applies to people of every religion, or at least the ones I've encountered. Yes he's dooming himself to a narrow-minded view of the world, and you've already answered why.

The vendor plays off the MC's ignorance of the world to scare him into thinking he's going to need a religion to have a comfortable life. Whether or not it's going to enrich his life, I guess the reader can decide for themselves. You can see my opinion in the lines

"Does it need to be so heavy?"

and

"I just hoped it wouldn’t be too heavy."

I'm a former Babtist Christian, but have been agnostic for a year now. I couldn't handle the Bible and it's overwhelming contradictions. I was tired of making crap in my own mind to try and justify it. I was tired of the people, their utter ignorance, and the high-horse the supposedly "humble" people ride. I was tired of being preached to about heaven, hell, purity, and sin by someone who knows less about the world than I do.

I have been to church with Catholic friends, Protestast friends, even Non-denominational friends (the most opened minded Christian sect- still thinks every non-Christian is going to hell, obviously). One of my best friends is Muslim and the ignorance and narrow-mindedness of his parents/grand-parents is astounding; luckily it didn't rub off on him. I lived in New Delhi, India for 3 years and Kathmandu, Nepal, for 2 years, and that is where I got to know a lot of Hindu people. I also got to know a lot of Buddhists in Nepal, and even if it is the least abrasive religion I've encountered, it's also the largest personal burden. The rules they impose on themselves are ridiculous.

Anyways, I realized that in certain fundamental ways, all those religions are the same.

That's what my story is about, and I wanted to write it in a way where I didn't just come out and say all this stuff like I've done with this post. I simply wanted to allude to it.

Thanks for the questions.

[kiz_paws]

Hey, this was a very interesting read!

Your dialogue was great, I could picture that vendor dispensing the Theologies necklaces. :thumbs_up

All in all, I really enjoyed your short story, well told. :)

[APEist]

Thanks a lot for the comment Kiz, glad you enjoyed it.

[Nighteyes5678]

See? The story made me think about the questions you wanted me to think about. I take that as a good sign. ^_^ Thank you for being transparent enough about what you wanted to accomplish. A short story should, as you've noted, be subtle, not blunt.

I still have a few reservations - I'll share them and let you decide how valid they are.

- If everyone defers to the religion of their parents, then why bother getting a religion of your choice? I can intuitively assume that the benefit is getting the security while having a religion that "fits the best", while also guaranteeing that you get a religion instead of being born to atheist parents. Am I right on that mark?

- Why would a religion that "fit the best" be heavy at all?

I'm not disagreeing with your message - these are just some questions and thoughts that I had. ^_^

[APEist]

I find it very intriguing, and pleasurable, that my story should inspire such questions. I'm very pleased with the questions, really, though I think that maybe I could have done more to steer the reader's disposition... but maybe that would detract from the point.


- If everyone defers to the religion of their parents, then why bother getting a religion of your choice? I can intuitively assume that the benefit is getting the security while having a religion that "fits the best", while also guaranteeing that you get a religion instead of being born to atheist parents. Am I right on that mark?

My point here is that sometimes people are uncomfortable with the religion of their parents. I have a Protestant Christian friend, for instance, whose parents are Jewish. He's Christian because he's more comfortable with that particular faith. In the end, he is convinced that he's going to heaven. At the same time, he thinks his parents are 'lost'. I was just saying that people find comfort in different ideas, in different religions. At the "Theology" vendor in the story, you can choose to purchase the religion which will fit your earthly profile the best.

And yes, I didn't think about the Atheist parents aspect, but you're right, the vendor would supply that need as well, logically.


- Why would a religion that "fit the best" be heavy at all?


Religions offer comfort. They offer another social group for you to belong to. They offer an explanation for the way things are. They tell you to live by their custom and not to worry about death because you'll be getting a reward at the end of the road.

But, while religions offer comfort, they also offer restriction. A cornerstone of religion, for instance, is sacrifice. They tell you when and how to pray. They tell you what you can and cannot do. Some tell you to pay them money. They tell you to devote yourself to a certain way of life. Religion emphasizes faith and denounces logic, science, and learning beyond religious bounds (anything that might contradict faith is stifled, really).

All of this is what I meant to imply with the word burden. The restriction of free thinking is a great burden, I believe.

Do you?

[Nighteyes5678]

First, I'll finish up my thoughts on the story. I can see how the story suggests the meaning that you want it to. You might want to go through the conversation and, not change the meaning, but perhaps make sure that the words carry the meaning you want them to. This is largely because I think you should pick one of two (though there could be more ways to look at it) ways for the vendor to be: 1) he could be very tired, haggard and not really caring about his job. In which case, I think a relaxed, almost sloppy sales of his wares like you have is excellent; or 2) he could be more slick, smooth and comfortable and, in that case, his argument could be more convincing and informative.

Concluding with your story, I don't think you should worry too much about getting your specific message across. I think that it's clear what you, the author, think about the situation and, in my opinion, it sponsors questions. That's awesome. But, in the end, you have to decide what effect you want your story to have.

Now, more personal thoughts. I think that your thoughts on religion, while reflecting an obvious personal bias stemmed from a bad experience, are true. I took this really cool class called "Religion in a Social Context". And yes, your observations go very much in line with what religion does in a social context, the needs it meets and how it goes about establishing a community.

As I'm sure you've guessed, I'm a Christian, but we agree on more things than you might think. I think exclusivity is bad, narrow-mindedness is a real shame and I hate the repression of free thought and ideas. None of it has any place in any religion I practice. Now you know my bias.

Yet, I think you have a very valid point to anyone with any world view and belief structure. It can be a burden just as it can be a blessing. This is true on either side of the line, though it certainly has been highlighted in the more religious spectrum more than any other.

[APEist]

Well, I think the key is that I left too much to a non-existant subtext. The piece raises questions, but doesn't provide opinions. Except the the "heavy" parts, which are infinitely vague. I left too much untouched, nearly expecting the reader to read my mind... which is of course not possible, haha.

So, you're right, I didn't construct the conversation well enough to convey what I wanted to.

But then again, I think I did maintain a good amount of subtlety, and that is very important. It's finding the balance between subtlety and message conveyance that is so tricky.

Oh well, everything comes in time.

I still can't think of a more suggestive title, though, as Auntshecky suggested doing. I'm very unimaginative when it comes to titles, hehe.

[Nighteyes5678]

I think the story and the dialogue isn't bad as long as you're ok with the reader walking away with a different message then the one you had when you wrote the story.

I suck at titles too.... >_<