This blasted, wretched sentence...

[Homyrrh]

"Jagged, stony, and altogether treacherous, the earthen path was dually narrow and windy, ..."

Alright, I'll avoid supplying unnecessary background info, and just say this is a brief decription of an aged, decrepit dirt road. The ellipsis obviously indicates my desire to expand upon the sentence, but I'm having a trying time with approaching it.

I want to basically say it's the ideal example of the worst possible condition a road could be in, but I'm trying to avoid getting too long-winded here. To kind of illustrate how I want to approach it, take a look:

Jagged, stony, and altogether treacherous, the earthen path was dually narrow and windy, an exemplary case of the roughest a road could be...

Yet I don't like it (which might also be said about the rest of the sentence...). But on that note, does anyone who comprehends my desire have any suggestions? The entire objective of the existence of the sentence is superficial; it is entirely neccesary, but only to offer a brief, single-sentence description of the road.

Thanks.

[mtpspur]

Might I suggest ending it with--the very apex of an engineer's challenge to redesign the terrain for the forlorn traveler.

Just a tought.

[Homyrrh]

Might I suggest ending it with--the very apex of an engineer's challenge to redesign the terrain for the forlorn traveler.

Just a tought.
Thanks for the reply.

I was initially thinking along some vaguely similar lines. However, there is no forlorn traveller (rather a meeting spot; it's actaully within the bounds of a prologue), but more important to me is the avoidance of language too altogether technical. Terms like "engineer" and "redesign", in the confines of a darker-themed, desolate wilderness, don't seem aesthetically pleasing for lack of a better term.

Also, with mentioning "an engineer", the noted article--indirect or not--seems to possibly draw the reader into a confusion of falsely believing that there will either be an engineer present or a conflict or plot involving restructuring the road. Moreover, though, is my desire to enforce a feeling of desolation. At this point in the story, there have yet to be any other animate beings noted (trees excepted), and I wouldn't want our engineer to be the first.

Otherwise, in a setting far removed from this, my technical, engineering-major self would be delighted. If you can kind of understand my pickiness, I'd much welcome any further assistance. Again, though, I really appreciate it, and to be honest, you've managed to positively spark my imagination here...

[blp]

I don't think you need more than what you've got. It's obvious from that that it's a rough path. When you start trying to get into exactly how rough or how close to some platonic ideal of roughness it is, you're in danger of driving yourself mad and boring the reader. If there's anything else about it that's material to your story, be specific. If someone's going to sprain their ankle walking on it, make it clear it's full of unexpected ruts and potholes.

[Homyrrh]

I don't think you need more than what you've got. It's obvious from that that it's a rough path. When you start trying to get into exactly how rough or how close to some platonic ideal of roughness it is, you're in danger of driving yourself mad and boring the reader. If there's anything else about it that's material to your story, be specific. If someone's going to sprain their ankle walking on it, make it clear it's full of unexpected ruts and potholes.

Hmm. Yes, yes. Brevity WITH clarity seems the most effective choice. Any concurrence? The idea is very attractive.

[DickZ]

While it is generally true that brevity is the soul of wit, it isn't necessarily the only way to achieve your goal. Therefore I don't think your description has to be short - Thomas Wolfe (of Look Homeward Angel) was great at incredibly long descriptions. I don't have an example in hand, but I could get one later.

I agree with you that introducing engineering or design would be a sidetrack from where you're going.

[Homyrrh]

While it is generally true that brevity is the soul of wit, it isn't necessarily the only way to achieve your goal. But don't think your description has to be short - Thomas Wolfe (of Look Homeward Angel) was great at incredibly long descriptions. I don't have an example in hand, but I could get one later.

I agree with you that introducing engineering or design would be a sidetrack from where you're going.

Yeah, thanks for the affirmation. And if you could throw down an example, please feel free to; I just don't want to get flowery and have superficially-pleasing language with no substance.