Particia

[sparr0w]

This is what I have accepted.
Sitting in a living room with a bottle of cheap whiskey-
too cheap these days for a chaser.
Just a large bottle of cheap whiskey.
Sitting in a living toom with a bottle of cheap whiskey
minus the chaser
I am a cheap bastard,
But the poor have a reason for being cheap,
even if it is my own fault.
So here I am, in this scene I have accepted,
nursing a bottle of cheap whiskey.
Euthenasia,
knowing someone elses fate better than I know my own.
killing it off again
because that is what is best for it.
Never mind that it may be what is the best for myself,
at least for the moment.
This bottle is destructive,
therefore it is best that i destroy it,
destroyed in the act of destroying me.
**** me, I sound redundant now.
But enough about whiskey
and such things.
While i drink, I am listening to Glen Gould
and his "Goldberg Variations".
I like this one,
but I lean more heavily towards
Glen Goulds variation of
Bachs Particia No. SIX.
The Goldberg variations
are a little too much "harpsichord",
a little too "organized" for me.
Therefore I prefer Bachs Particia Number 6
because it is the antithesis of organized,
though it is, and heavily so.
Though it makes me cry,
in its beauty and its pretensiousness-
i spelled that wrong. but what reguardless, yeah? 'cause i'm a PRETENSIOUS AMERICAN
and rules mean nothing to me.
It is hard to say as to wrether Mr. Gould was or not.
He was the kind of disorganized genius I try to model myself after.
Him, Bukowski, and Burroughs.
Them and me.
But they would hate me.
No big deal, most do.
But back to the situation at hand.
Here I am
in the situation I have created...
Oh, here we are. i just changed the music to "Particia No. 6".
Doesn't it just make you want to cry,
make you want to cut yourself
and weep for the state of the world
which WE have created?
That far-beyond land in which we live?
Im trying to be more honest these days,
advice from an old friend.
Chaos in spite of order...
Particia No. 6, variation GOULD

[PrinceMyshkin]

A marvellous ramble through your early morning / late-night / middle-of-the-bottle thoughts!

(I wondered, though, whether it was the earlier Gould recording of the Goldberg or the much later one.)

[sparr0w]

Thanks Prince! You know, I write alot of this kind of stuff, but I dont tend to post much of it anywhere because it's a little too "raw" and "unrefined". It leaves little to interpretation, but I love to write it for two reasons. For one, it does what I always try to do with my writing, it captures a moment, for better or for worse. Second, I tend to write this kind of stuff off the top of my head, without editing, whereas with my more "figurative" writing, I usually edit and rewrite it a number of times before I agree with myself on a finished product. To me, that makes this kind of stuff more honest, even though it may be a little more "rough". This kind of writing is a ode to my favorite writers, to whom i pay homage in this one, Bukowski and Burroughs. Both wrote in much the same style (for the most part anyways. exceptions made for Burroughs' more celebrated works). Thanks again for the feedback!

[sparr0w]

Oh, I almost forgot, to answer your question, Prince, at the time I was listening to the earlier variation, though I hold no judgement over the latter...

[lucidnightmares]

brutally honest, just diving into thought disregarding everything but the present, the here and now of the world for the **** it has become.That kind of hateful warmth you feel when you start to realize what it is you really are.

well that`s what i got from it anyway, i like it because it isn`t restrained by anything, just the flowing of your mind.

i`m sure theres alot more to it than that but i am overly simple so i`m just getting what i chose to from it i guess, i haven`t heard much of the songs mentioned but they sound beautiful.

enough of me rambling on...i just liked how it sounded in my head an internal struggle and how we deal with it.

well at least that`s what i get from it

[sparr0w]

Thanks lucid! Hey, overly simple is a good thing... go gonzo! That's what I like about you. overly simple = unrestrained honesty. thanks for reading and for your feedback! be sure to msg me when you make your next post. Peace!

[NikolaiI]

i spelled that wrong. but what reguardless, yeah? 'cause i'm a PRETENSIOUS AMERICAN

i love THIS line. :)

i like it very cool. :)

[sparr0w]

heh, glad you caught that :) thanks for reading... thanks for being "very cool"... peace!