Wise and Witty Bits

[AuntShecky]

Thought I'd start a thread in General Chat for us to post funny, witty, or sapient thoughts found in our current reading, be if from newspapers or periodicals or even on the web, as well as literature that's been around for a long time.

I'll start things off with a short passage from a newspaper article I read earlier in the week. The column addressed the fact that British adolescents think that fictional characters such as Sherlock Holmes are real, and actual historical figures such as Winston Churchill are fictional characters. The writer's name is Jonah Goldberg:



"Civilization, at any given moment, can be boiled down to what its living members know and believe. This makes civilization an amazingly fragile thing -- and it makes parents the primary guardians of its posterity. (Indeed, someone told me that those who cannot learn from history are condemned to hear Gerorge Santayana quoted to them for the rest of their lives. Of course, that joke's only funny if you've heard of Santayana in the first place.)"

[Pensive]

In books, as in love we are astonished at what is choosen by others.

Read it in a magazine. Don't remember who said it though.


Razors pain you
Rivers are damp
Acids stain you
And drugs cause crap
Nooses give
Guns aren't lawful
Gas smells awful
You might as well live

-Dorothy Parker


If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.

- Thorin the dwarf to Bilbo from The Hobbit


Do not be eager to deal out death in judgement for even the very wise can not see all ends...

Gandalf from The Lord of the Rings

[jon1jt]

Cool thread, aunty.

Let's see....I heard a couple of elderly women talking to each other the other day. One said to the other...



Everybody's getting old in that building of ours besides me.

[Shea]

Something my grannie says whenever she sees a girl who's skirt is too short:

"She ought to put a little sugar in her shoes to tempt her hem down."

[optimisticnad]

Cool thread, aunty.

Let's see....I heard a couple of elderly women talking to each other the other day. One said to the other...

:lol: :lol:

[Dori]

All is fish that comes to the net.

[DickZ]

A newspaper columnist named John Rosemond on February 10, published a question/answer exchange with a reader, that can be summarized as follows:

Q: "My daughter's teacher does not correct homework; she only checks whether it was done...

My daughter clearly doesn't take her assignments seriously, which concerns me. How can I get her to take school seriously when the teacher doesn't, or is this no big deal? I have stayed out of this so far but will be meeting with the teacher soon and want to discuss it then if appropriate...."

A: "Over the past 10 years or so, I have heard this same story from numerous parents all over the United States and have concluded, therefore, that not checking the accuracy of homework or class assignments must be some newfangled educational "reform." If so, it's definitely having the intended effect. Many a workplace manager has told me that a good number of today's young employees come to their first jobs believing that doing accurate work is not a requirement, or even necessary...."

----------------

I can vouch for the truth of his answer regarding the workplace - most youngsters starting work these days seem to have no idea what it's all about, nor any burning desire to find out.

[Dori]

A newspaper columnist named John Rosemond on February 10, published a question/answer exchange with a reader, that can be summarized as follows:

Q: "My daughter's teacher does not correct homework; she only checks whether it was done...

My daughter clearly doesn't take her assignments seriously, which concerns me. How can I get her to take school seriously when the teacher doesn't, or is this no big deal? I have stayed out of this so far but will be meeting with the teacher soon and want to discuss it then if appropriate...."

A: "Over the past 10 years or so, I have heard this same story from numerous parents all over the United States and have concluded, therefore, that not checking the accuracy of homework or class assignments must be some newfangled educational "reform." If so, it's definitely having the intended effect. Many a workplace manager has told me that a good number of today's young employees come to their first jobs believing that doing accurate work is not a requirement, or even necessary...."

----------------

I can vouch for the truth of his answer regarding the workplace - most youngsters starting work these days seem to have no idea what it's all about, nor any burning desire to find out.

My former-Math teacher (and current, now that I think about it) never checks for accuracy in our homework. He simply looks for an effort. I really don't think this is necessarily bad, because those who want to learn will do the homework to the best of their ability, while those who don't will eventually fail the class. How can a student be expected to pass a simple test if (s)he hasn't done the homework (especially in Math)?

I suspect this approach towards homework is better than another Math teacher that I had. She didn't even check the homework daily. She collected the homework and actually graded it about once every 5 weeks and just walked around to see if you did the homework about once a week.

Personally, I'm no fan of this education "reform". It seems to me that these days, not only are the students lazy, but the teachers are too! :flare:

(Sorry for digressing off-topic, but I couldn't resist adding this.)

----------------

Anyways, here's another odd proverb:

"Fine words will butter no parsnips." :thumbs_up

[LadyW]

Something my grannie says whenever she sees a girl who's skirt is too short:
"She ought to put a little sugar in her shoes to tempt her hem down."

Haha :lol:
By no means, do I mean any disrespect to your grandmother here...
But that has just reminded me of my shopping trip today. I was walking along when an elderly lady stopped me in my tracks and said, "I didn't know Miss World was coming today."
To be perfectly honest... I don't think the old dear was all there mentally.
I was rather petrified actually; I wasn't sure whether to take that as a compliment or suspect that she was mocking me.

[Dori]

Haha :lol:
By no means, do I mean any disrespect to your grandmother here...
But that has just reminded me of my shopping trip today. I was walking along when an elderly lady stopped me in my tracks and said, "I didn't know Miss World was coming today."
To be perfectly honest... I don't think the old dear was all there mentally.
I was rather petrified actually; I wasn't sure whether to take that as a compliment or suspect that she was mocking me.

:lol: :lol:

I couldn't resist.

[LadyW]

:lol: :lol:
I couldn't resist.
:D I think I scared her a little actually...
After hearing what she said I looked rather bemused and mumbled "Oh..uhh.. thanks" and ran away.
I have no idea what she meant... :blush:
Maybe it was some sort of granny code? or sarcasm?

[Dori]

:D I think I scared her a little actually...
After hearing what she said I looked rather bemused and mumbled "Oh..uhh.. thanks" and ran away.
I have no idea what she meant... :blush:
Maybe it was some sort of granny code? or sarcasm?

I think "granny code" and sarcasm go hand in hand. :p You should have come up with some witty remark based on her appearance. ;)

[LadyW]

I think "granny code" and sarcasm go hand in hand. :p You should have come up with some witty remark based on her appearance. ;)
Ha ha, although she appeared somewhat... demented, I do believe she had the nicest intentions.
Always comforting to know I have the greatest support from my good friend who just stood there laughing himself silly as I walked off rather red in the face :lol:

[Shea]

A newspaper columnist named John Rosemond on February 10, published a question/answer exchange with a reader, that can be summarized as follows:

Q: "My daughter's teacher does not correct homework; she only checks whether it was done...

My daughter clearly doesn't take her assignments seriously, which concerns me. How can I get her to take school seriously when the teacher doesn't, or is this no big deal? I have stayed out of this so far but will be meeting with the teacher soon and want to discuss it then if appropriate...."

A: "Over the past 10 years or so, I have heard this same story from numerous parents all over the United States and have concluded, therefore, that not checking the accuracy of homework or class assignments must be some newfangled educational "reform." If so, it's definitely having the intended effect. Many a workplace manager has told me that a good number of today's young employees come to their first jobs believing that doing accurate work is not a requirement, or even necessary...."

----------------

I can vouch for the truth of his answer regarding the workplace - most youngsters starting work these days seem to have no idea what it's all about, nor any burning desire to find out.

This is why I burned out and had to give up teaching! All of my colleagues kept telling me, "You don't have to grade everything." But my 15 year olds couldn't tell me the difference between a common and a proper noun! So many of their teachers through the years haven't graded for accuracy, so that by the time they got to me, I had 140 students that could barely write a proper sentence. There were so many mistakes, that I finally just had to give up and quit, or simply fall into that "don't have to check for accuracy" mode. Perhaps if they managed to keep my student count under 80, I'd concider going back... I really miss teaching actually.:bawling:

LadyW, I would have done the same thing!:lol:

[byquist]

The history of hoaxes is interesting, for instance the Sokol Hoax of maybe a dozen years ago. There are many fun-filled hoaxes out there like the "2,000,000 in the next 5 years public school teacher job" hoax, or the "100,000 needed librarian" hoax.

Right now there's a business analyst hoaxer calling presidents of companies, and asking such questions as: "Can you provide some more color as to what you are doing for your supply chain initiatives to reduce manufacturing costs per hectoliter, as you originally promised $150 million in synergy or savings to decrease working capital?" Presidents are believing the hoaxer, and seriously answering these bizarre questions, because they want to have their companies well-publicized in the news.

[AuntShecky]

From media mogul Mort Zuckerman, appearing on MSNBC's "Morning Joe" yesterday:

"Do you know what the difference is between an optimist and a pessimist? An optimist believes that this is the best of all possible worlds ---
and the pessimist fears that he may be right."

[AuntShecky]

From one of the greatest quipsters of the last and present century, some sagacious words about today's baseball stars:

"Now players are more like entertainers. Still I wonder if they realize how self-centered and glory-minded they appear. . .I don't like players who stand and admire their home runs like they finished painting a masterpiece. . .It becomes more about self and showing off than teamwork and working together."

-- from You Can Observe A Lot by Watching
by Mr. Yogi Berra, as quoted by Page
Six in yesterday's New York Post

[AuntShecky]

As fans of College Basketball may know, last week marked the beginning of "March Madness," the "brackets" of various teams vying for the NCAA crown. In the early elimination rounds, two unlikely teams were matched up.
Both colleges are well-known for their rigorous academic
programs; for their athletic departments, not so much.

So the match between Stanford and Cornell universities prompted a comedy writer named Alex Kaseberg to imagine a pre-game taunt between the two scholarly
teams of hoopsters:

"Your matriarch is so unintelligent she can only abbreviate pi to the fifth number."

[Dori]

My brother's Math teacher said:

"When all is said and done, more is said than done."

That's also the same person who said:

"Women: can't shoot 'em, can't shoot 'em."

[AuntShecky]

Out of the mouths of babes, from the comics page in yesterday's newspaper>"Ruthie," the star of "One Big Happy" by Rick DeTorie describes the ego-building practice of elementary education as "selfish steam."

You may know that comic strips often have a typographical code for shorthand to depict cursewords. This morning's sports page printed this "font"tastic gem from NBA superstar Shaquille O'Neal about his alleged expletives:

"You can quote me, brother. You can put an S, then the
tic-tac-toe, the 'at' sign and then the other symbols."