No Time For Roses

[kiz_paws]

There's no time for roses
I've papers to see
problems to solve
with investment strategy

I can't feel the raindrops
falling softly from the sky
there's a wrestling match that beckons
hush, he's getting that guy

Yes the tea is lovely dear
in the china painted gay
but I'm off to play some football
with the guys, you know, today

Your hugs are warm and beckoning
but I leave town in an hour
to straighten company business
maybe I can send you some lovely flowers

* * *

Love is planted in our hearts
and needs tending all the time
don't give me roses when I'm dead
dear sweet lover mine

K♥z
Feb08-08

[PrinceMyshkin]

Wonderfully deft & unstrained - but I think you need a typographic something, or an extra line space, to communicate that the last verse is in another voice, a rejoinder to all the preceding verses.

[mir]

Nice, kiz! :) I like the last stanza especially. It might possibly be better if you worked a bit on the rhythm/length of the lines; but lovely idea.

[AuntShecky]

Well,Kiz, I think you've touched upon one of the most stressful problems of contemporary life: "Time's wing'd chariot. . ."

[Pensive]

Loved it. Very good rhyme, and a nice way to talk about one of the most complicated matter in life; time and its distribution which often leaves the ones who want to be cared for, unsatisfied.

[Sweets America]

This is a very nice poem, and as Pensive said, the rhymes are good. There is only one line which doesn't work for me, and it's
to straighten company business
I think there is something strange with the rhythm, or maybe it's the words, I don't know.
Oh, I forgot to say that I love your title.

[dibyendra]

Your poem deals with this modern life and can be felt immediately. Your poem portrays our contemporary life and there's no time for the beauty in life. Oh how pity our life seems and so workoholic we've been! :(

Kiz, this is lovely poem and can be deeply felt as well. :thumbs_up

[kiz_paws]

Thanks all for your constructive criticism (I felt that there were some things that didn't quite work -- but I woke up with that poem in my head and typed the blue blazes lest the muse went for coffee... you know.... THAT!!). But having said this, I wanted to pour out the gist, and I think I succeeded in doing that.

dibyendra, you always say such kind things... I thank you very much. :) And thanks to everyone else, who's opinions I value deeply. *toast to the poets*

[blazeofglory]

This is marvelously written. Of course we are too much occupied with day to day affairs and of course we cannot spare a little time privately. Love is indeed deferred today.

We are indeed helpless,and of course there are always rushes and stampeded and as a matter of fact we live like machines.

Very beautiful and presents things that are deeply felt by all. You gave expression to our feelings and muted voices.

[kiz_paws]

My thanks, to you, blaze, for reading and commenting. :)

[symphony]

Wow :)

[NikolaiI]

I like it because it starts with the same syllable count as "Farewell Angelina." :)

"Farewell Angelina, the bells of the crown..."

[Pendragon]

A message that masters the valentine disasters,
of many a day of the hearts--
If one gave up one's selfish desire for the one that one really does care
for the healing of the world certainly could start... :nod: :) http://www.cosgan.de/images/midi/liebe/o030.gif

[Anza]

very well written.
The last stanza that is seperate from the rest seems kind of... eerie...
In a good way

[kiz_paws]

Thanks to symphony, Nik, Pen and Anza for reading and commenting. :)