Silent Tears

[Angel Moonrise]

SILENT TEARS

I used to love him, trust and respect him.
He was my all, he was my world.
Now I let him stand apart.
Alone.
The way he once did.
I’ve learnt his way is not so kind
He deceives, cheats, and finally leaves.

I was once young with faith in my heart.
Now my soul is weary, torn, confused and abused.
Stuck and frustrated, waiting in vain
for the goodness that I glimpse to emerge any day

Silent tears present in my heart.
I cannot understand nor comprehend
what led you to be who I see today.
How can he choose someone besides me?
I am destitute, jaded and lonely.
So I seek the day, I can finally be free
to say I love you, and can forgive you

[Angel Moonrise]

A LONG WAY HOME

I woke up this morning, glanced in the mirror and saw a face.
A face I've seen many times before but couldn't make sense of anymore
One I thought I was familiar with but wasn't quite sure any longer.
I gazed, I looked, and I stared long & hard at a girl still looking for her way home.
Searching for the one who’ll open his arms, understand, accept and bear it all.

So lost deep inside, she dreams of breaking free.
Unrelenting fears and insecurities, she aims to defeat.
She yearns, she craves and hungers for all that should be.
True identity concealed, buried beneath what cannot be.
Silent tears caress the face of the sad one
Empty of you, a palpable heartache, so strong it’s quite unbelievable.

To my friends and family, I maintain an affinity
My thoughts and actions are what have made me
Even during those times when despair seems to engulf me
All I can offer is my loyalty.
Beauty is the soul that’s authenticity
The essence of my soul stands in my complexity.

I am not overenthusiastic, ferocious or fierce in my demeanor.
I am no lioness or vixen who should be feared.
I am shyness, indulgence and honesty.

I am a long way home
Awoke this morning to find the stranger that stands in front of me
A stranger found but never been real until the moment the brushstrokes struck clear
I’ve seen a seductive vision of hunted perfection not too long ago
But like a frail leaf, it twirled; whirled and let the wind carry it away

Now, in front of the mirror, I await the brushstrokes that’ll settle on the core of my being
I wait for it to define, shape, mold and mark my soul
I cannot say what will be; I may weep, laugh, or curse through it all
One stipulation I proclaim: hold my hand and embrace me
And like the roots of a tree, support me and assist as best as you can
For one day, your turn shall come and I promise I’ll be standing nearby.

[Angel Moonrise]

Letter to a Father

I miss something that I've never had,
a father’s affection and concern, which I never got.
I used to respect, trust and like you;
Even thought the sun rose and set around you.

Father, where were you?
Why did you leave my mother to act as the father?
Others speak of their fathers and boast,
While I can’t even present you as a host!

Can you not see how much you hurt me?
I tried to get close, open up and explain.
Inner voice asking you to love me,
To listen, and say that you actually care
But all you did was refuse, reject and walk away.

I desire to forsake that you’ll someday ponder
On the error of your ways;
To bury your ghost forever
So no remorse or anguish shall impose.

Wondering the rationale of loving
Someone who never truly cared or understand,
I hurt to state that I do not want to have a father
As I am full-grown, but still without a father.

[birgitta_nell@y]

SILENT TEARS

I used to love him, trust and respect him.
He was my all, he was my world.
Now I let him stand apart.
Alone.
The way he once did.
I’ve learnt his way is not so kind
He deceives, cheats, and finally leaves.

I was once young with faith in my heart.
Now my soul is weary, torn, confused and abused.
Stuck and frustrated, waiting in vain
for the goodness that I glimpse to emerge any day

Silent tears present in my heart.
I cannot understand nor comprehend
what led you to be who I see today.
How can he choose someone besides me?
I am destitute, jaded and lonely.
So I seek the day, I can finally be free
to say I love you, and can forgive you

OH MY WORD!! It's as though you wrote down everything that I have felt! What a brilliant popem- I love it!

[Angel Moonrise]

I'm glad that "Silent Tears" accurately captured the emotions. :)