The Forgotten

[Pendragon]

The Forgotten

The new has worn off of the crystal chandelier—
the long oak-topped bar is cracked and worn.
The rooms that comforted many a weary man those days,
have peeling wallpaper and the beds now longer comfortable or occupied.
No one fingers dance down the 88, keys missing here and there,
dust on the bottles that line the wall behind the bar getting thicker all the time.
Lone figure sits at a table toward the back of the room,
patiently shuffling a deck of musty old playing cards and fingering chips.
Lotta change taken place here in Old Tombstone he knows—
The Forgotten still have their place though—
maybe someday Doc Holiday’s luck just might change for the better…

Pendragon
© 2/2/08

[TheFifthElement]

This paints a perfect picture of decay, a place that has seen better days. I think it has been said before, Pen, how your skill is the way you paint a pcture with words - I could see the bar, the dust, the bottles lined up, the sad and lonely figure of a man waiting for his fortunes to turn.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I agree with every word Thefifth said, and I'm pulling for ol' Doc Holliday. It would have been easy for you to tip this over into bathos, but you never did.

[symphony]

I like it except that the use of both "may be" and "might" at a time in that last line sounded a bit odd to me....

[ampoule]

Yes, I see the Doc as a man waiting to be engaged in life. How quickly this scene could be energized with a featherduster, a red dress and someone clinking across the floor, his eye on the doc, saying, "Set 'em up".
Great job Pen. It's so dusty I'm gonna....oh wait....ah....ah....oh, that's better....ah CHOO!!! :D Where'z yer hanky boy?

[barbara0207]

This paints a perfect picture of decay, a place that has seen better days. I think it has been said before, Pen, how your skill is the way you paint a pcture with words - I could see the bar, the dust, the bottles lined up, the sad and lonely figure of a man waiting for his fortunes to turn.

I agree completely.


I like it except that the use of both "may be" and "might" at a time in that last line sounded a bit odd to me....

Usually the use of maybe and might in one sentence would bother me, too. But in this poem it doesn't. I read the last line aloud several times, leaving out one or the other, then including both words. And I felt that the last line has a better "flow" when you use both, and seems to give some more improbability to the suggestion that days long gone might come back. :D

[symphony]

After afterthoughts, barbara, i think u have a point, it does add to the flow.

:)

[Pendragon]

Especially since Doc Holiday died at age 36 in Glendale Spings, Colorado of TB... (hee-hee)

[blazeofglory]

Beautifully presented as to how all that are forgotten have something still to occupy us, if not on the surface, you will feel at the bottom of the heart.