Twenty-something

[sparr0w]

As the days warmth wanes along with its light,

the earth settles for sleep,

and I can't help but think about years past;

When the whole world seemed to radiate with oppertunity.

When every passing day was a hundred years long,

and we chased dust through the wind

like crazed beasts;

When night came with the scent of an animal

anxiously waiting for what may never come...

I cannot help but think of days past,

when the sick gripped each muscle in my body

and turned my blood to fire;

When years turned into decades,

and I realized for the first time

just now many worlds apart from myself

I reallly was...

Let me now say

that I would eagerly give up the last thirty years of my life

if only given the chance to relive the first fifteen,

but we all know that with ends come, necesarily, beginings,

and everything exists in circles.

In this, we have no say.

This is the nature of things...

**again, and as always, all feedback is greatly appreciated, both negative and positive. just so you know, this is the first time i have posted this online, anywhere. I have recited this on Clark street (chicago)... thanks to all for reading!

[NikolaiI]

I like this. I mean I like poetry, it's a great opporutinity for sharing and growth. If things exist in circles (which they do) then you should know you can go back to anytime you like. :)

I like how you begin by talking about the descent of night. There are many depths to day and night, and what they mean for us. Me, I long for the night of humanity, for quiet, although this symbolical night would be perhaps a desert-- and many days and nights-- a very quiet desert. (Sorry.)

Life will always exist. If it doesn't exist, there will be nothing to note its nonexistence. So as I live any life, I would like there to be more peace.

[sparr0w]

Glad you cought the metephor of "night"... yes, i could return there at any time, and to be perfectly honest, i have been kind of stuck there for many years... perhaps i long for the age because it justifies my actions? I mean, its okay to act like a fifteen year old if you ARE fifteen... thanks again for the feedback, brother!

[kiz_paws]

Sparrow, I loved your poem. You have poetically said some stark truths that many people have pondered. Good work :thumbs_up

[sparr0w]

Sparrow, I loved your poem. You have poetically said some stark truths that many people have pondered. Good work :thumbs_up


Thanks you again, Kiz! I always appreciate your feedback.:blush:

[PrinceMyshkin]

As the days warmth wanes along with its light,

the earth settles for sleep,

and I can't help but think about years past;

When the whole world seemed to radiate with oppertunity.

When every passing day was a hundred years long,

and we chased dust through the wind

like crazed beasts;

When night came with the scent of an animal

anxiously waiting for what may never come...

I cannot help but think of days past,

when the sick gripped each muscle in my body

and turned my blood to fire;

When years turned into decades,

and I realized for the first time

just now many worlds apart from myself

I reallly was...

Let me now say

that I would eagerly give up the last thirty years of my life

if only given the chance to relive the first fifteen,

but we all know that with ends come, necesarily, beginings,

and everything exists in circles.

In this, we have no say.

This is the nature of things...

**again, and as always, all feedback is greatly appreciated, both negative and positive. just so you know, this is the first time i have posted this online, anywhere. I have recited this on Clark street (chicago)... thanks to all for reading!

I could have done without the last three lines, as "but we all know that with ends come, necesarily, beginings," would have left me with something to wonder about, whereas the existing last 3 lines are too overtly pedantic-philosophical for me, flat by contrast with the more speculative earlier lines. But this is a fine meditation.

[sparr0w]

Thanks again for reading, prince. Ill admit, sometimes I do have a problem with adding too much to a piece. I tend to keep going when I should stop, and when Im writing essays, I can also get redundant. I appreciate the constructive criticism. This is why I post myself on forums like this, because I get the advice I need to become a better writer, as well as the encouragement I need sometimes to give myself a reason to keep writing. its important to know youre appreciated in a world so flooded with writers. (sorry about all the typos and bad grammer here, I just got home and im pretty tired)

[lucidnightmares]

it`s really strange, i know i may never understand this poem entirely until i am of age but i can feel it in my core, or soul or whatever you want to call it.
time is the most terrifying of nightmares to me

"When night came with the scent of an animal

anxiously waiting for what may never come..."

i couldn`t help but be reminded of how i used to spend my nights afraid of might come, and what might not.

i really like the the time changed in the poem,

"When years turned into decades,

and I realized for the first time

just now many worlds apart from myself"

i think we all feel that, maybe at different ages or more so than most, but everyone needs to find them selfs at one point in time.
and aging seems to separate us from who it is we think we are and want to be, I know if me from 10 years ago seen me, the past would not be pleased with the present.

this one made me think a lot of who i am and where i`m going.

but the fact that everything comes in circles gives me hope, so maybe one day i can relive that which was lost.
the only thing wrong with this poem is that i never took the time to read it through until now
sorry for that
and thank you for sharing your art with the world:thumbs_up


I reallly was..."