On the Eve of the End

[Dark Muse]

I first wrote this as part of a challenge, and though a part of me likes how it came out, I am not sure I am completly satisfied with leaving it as is. Any suggestions on revision or things that should be changed, added, and so forth, would be appercaited.

On the eve of the end
I remember sitting upon the rooftops
watching the stars pass overhead
then I should have known, it was
the last night we sould spend together
as one.

On the eve of the end
I recall we were drinking whiskey
and gin, but even then, we both could
feel that something was long gone
that would never be found again.

On the eve of the end
the wind was cool
and the music was hot
but we were withdrawn
from the world
and from us.

On the eve of the end
I will never forget
how we tried to ignore
what was already done
even if we were afraid to admit it
there was nothing left

Nothing but that night
when we no longer had the strength
to try and hold on
for another minitue
when we could not continue
to deny it.

Lies
truth
betrayal

Things that just drift on by
now seeming to be without any
real meaning.

It was the eve of the end
of us, if ever we were to begin
with.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I first wrote this as part of a challenge, and though a part of me likes how it came out, I am not sure I am completly satisfied with leaving it as is. Any suggestions on revision or things that should be changed, added, and so forth, would be appercaited.

On the eve of the end
I remember sitting upon the rooftops
watching the stars pass overhead
then I should have known, it was
the last night we sould spend together
as one.

On the eve of the end
I recall we were drinking whiskey
and gin, but even then, we both could
feel that something was long gone
that would never be found again.

On the eve of the end
the wind was cool
and the music was hot
but we were withdrawn
from the world
and from us.

On the eve of the end
I will never forget
how we tried to ignore
what was already done
even if we were afraid to admit it
there was nothing left

Nothing but that night
when we no longer had the strength
to try and hold on
for another minitue
when we could not continue
to deny it.


I don't know why this got overlooked, as it deserves comment - and appreciation. I very much like the repetition of the first line and the spare, stoic quality of the verses - up to the point where I have ended the quotation. I thought that everything after that was too overtly plaintive.

Apart from that, good poem!

[Dark Muse]

Thank you for your coments and suggestions, during the rivsion I will keep what you said in mind

[blazeofglory]

An interesting poem and of course there is nothing we call beginning or end for every beginning has to come to an end and every end will have a beginning. This is how things go.

Life is really a process, a movement, a phase, an eddy. It is not something stagnant. It is a flow like a river, and you can not get the same water that flows eternally unless it goes through the process of recycle.

I do not think any end is an absolute end. It births another beginning. Every death and degeneration accompanies another birth and regeneration.

If the old does not die how can it provide space for the new one to be born.
Imagine when none of the entities born here die. How can the earth sustain?

What I said may be a philosophical proposition but this idea occurred on a sudden after reading your post.

[Dark Muse]

I am always happy to inspire new ideas

[wagravity]

this poem hit me on a personal note way more than you can imagine. i love this piece of work. great write, great read, well done.

[Dark Muse]

Thank you