this place is pretty, too

[sparr0w]

Echoing in time with the wind,

the siren had been wailing for hours.

He awoke slowly into a kind of stupor;

cold and feverish,

the only light to reach him

was that of the moon,

scattered,

blue and cold,

which did, nonetheless blind his eyes.

And the snakes surround,

and the child screams

and the fire does nothing to warm his bones,

for they have already turned to chalk.

And once fallen upon his knees, he let loose his soul in one passionate cry.

Tearing the skin from his face,

he fealt as if he were naked in the presence of God.

Suddenly filled with an unfamiliar humility,

tears of gratitude tore paths down his cheeks, rosy and wartorn,

slowly coming to a realization that

this place is pretty, too.


**Again, any feedback is welcome and greatly appreciated, both positive and negative. This is my second post (the first being "greish blue beneath the willows), and so far im posting stuff thats already on my myspace blog, but this seems a more appropriate forum. soon i will be posting new works here only. Thank you again for reading!

[lucidnightmares]

i like the feel of this once
especially the ending
....umm`s.....well that`s bout all i can say
i can`t find anything wrong with it
and it`s weird because i don`t usually like these kinds of poems but the way it was presented drew me in

[ampoule]

I like, I like, I like.

I think it should be felt, not fealt???

[PrinceMyshkin]

This builds and builds, growing more and more intriguingly surrealistic. The ending is somewhat ambiguous, provocatively so.

[sparr0w]

ahh, you cought me! yeah, i have a problem with spelling sometimes (unfortunate problem for a writer, eh?). thanks for the feedback once again, ampoule! im glad you like it!

[sparr0w]

The ending is somewhat ambiguous, provocatively so.

Yeah, I guess what I was trying to say was that all life experiences are worth it, even the ones that feel "ugly" or unpleasent. This is a retrospective (albeit a metephorical version of it) of a point in my life i had reached about a year and a half ago. Although it may have seemed like a dark moment at the time, I look back at it as a profound point of insight, one from which i learned quite alot about myself and never turned back. I will be honest here, it was august 2006, I had quit heroin a week before, and was at the worst of the withdrawls. Happy to say ive been clean ever since! Its easier to write well with a clear head, right?