Beautifully Broken

[kiz_paws]

She looked exquisite
leaning on his arm
as she took her place
in the social circus

I love you
but
you need to dance my way
oh how her feet
longed to step to another beat

She sat so pretty
at their table
all alone
and let the wine
sing to her ...
a melody
written only for her

She thought that forever
meant building,
growing, reaching ...
not the deconstruction
of what was held so dear
as she hugged her glass
that accepted her
as she was ...

... broken

[Pendragon]

A moment of realization that this relationship she wants isn't going to work and that this is, in fact, their final date... your bring the heartbreak out very clearly and it is a powerful poem of her pain and longing... http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/IceDancer.gif

[PrinceMyshkin]

She looked exquisite
leaning on his arm
as she took her place
in the social circus

I love you
but
you need to dance my way
and her feet
longed to step to another beat

She sat so pretty
at their table
all alone
and let the wine
sing to her ...
a melody
written only for her

She thought that forever
meant building,
growing, reaching ...
not the deconstruction
of what was held so dear
as she hugged her glass
that accepted her
as she was ...

... broken

This is as sure and as spare as a short story by John O'Hara or as laconic as one by Raymond Carver. I could have wished for an earlier hint at her brokenness. As it is I cannot be sure that she really is broken or that this is a moment of self-deprecation. And of course the "brokenness" might be that of the pride that went before a fall or of innocent trust betrayed.

[mir]

That is a very beautiful poem. I love the images and the sort of shadowy feel of it all, with the concreteness of the wine glass. Wow!

[Anza]

I second Mir's reaction. Exquisite!!

[Lote-Tree]

She looked exquisite
leaning on his arm
as she took her place
in the social circus

I love you
but
you need to dance my way
and her feet
longed to step to another beat

She sat so pretty
at their table
all alone
and let the wine
sing to her ...
a melody
written only for her

She thought that forever
meant building,
growing, reaching ...
not the deconstruction
of what was held so dear
as she hugged her glass
that accepted her
as she was ...

... broken

Kizzy when did you start writing Poetry? :D

[symphony]

Looks like she was born to write one. :)
This is gorgeous, kiz. :nod:

[ampoule]

Very good. It eerily reminds me of a distant relative of mine and how her life was broken. Wow.

[motherhubbard]

This is heartbreaking and beautifully written. I was very excited to see a poem from you. Are you branching out from Haiku? I especially liked the isolation you captured.

[jon1jt]

Oh I was enjoying this one and I kept on reading and reading and at one point I finished the poem and I began to ponder the stars and life and then I asked myself what is it about this poem? and I got on my knees and looked up and there there saw a lone jackaloupe angel and said to her, 'Forgive me jackaloupe angel for I am a child with the heart of a mad poet, I do mean well'---and from my desk did remove an eraser and directed the jackaloupe to fly over cold black sky and place in your hand while you were sleeping and to cast a spell thereupon and out of bed you went with eyes closed to your computer...oh look what you've done now...


She looked exquisite
leaning on his arm
as she took her place
in the social circus

I love you
but
you need to dance my way
and her feet
longed to step to another beat

She sat so pretty
at their table
all alone
and let the wine
sing to her ...
a melody
written only for her

She thought that forever
meant building,
growing, reaching ...
not the deconstruction
of what was held so dear
as she hugged her glass

:p

[TheFifthElement]

Kiz, this is lovely. I wish you would post more poems...come on, don't be afraid :)

[kiz_paws]

Thank you Pen, mir, Anza, symphony and ampoule, for taking the time to read and comment. (I loved that skating smilie image VERY much!)

I have not read anything from those authors, PrinceM, but anyhow, cool. :)

Lote -- I am testing the waters, ha ha! :D

Jon, you are toooooooo much! I am still trying to come up with a witty reply to you! ;)

M-H, I am trying to break free of my mind-lock into the Haiku format -- but I am addicted, alas...

Fifth -- I so appreciate your encouragement, thank you very much, you echo a message that I received recently from a fellow lit-netter, saying to go for it. What wonderful people you all are. :bawling:

Thanks to all :)

[firefangled]

Kiz, this took my breath away. Please post more of your poems. With something such as this, I'm sure you must have them stashed away.

[kiz_paws]

:blush: Thanks so much, fire!