Greyish Blue Beneath the Willows

[sparr0w]

Waiting patiently
in the harbor of a bay,
about as far from here
as the east is from the west,
is a ship without floors.
A ship without occupants,
a past, a present-
lacking destination.
A desire to see distant lands
with no way to break the shorebound tide.
So the fog rolls in
and the bow bobs gently
back and forth,
perhaps soothing lost souls
into slumber-
and perhaps not.
Souls perhaps dreaming of
great adventures-
and perhaps not.
All that can be sure
is that this ship,
without floors or occupants,
lacking both time and destination,
sits day after day
in a place so far from here
entertaining itself in the fog,
gently rocking back and forth,
trapped by the shorebound tide.

***This is my first post, please let me know what you think either on here or my email: [email protected] all feedback/constructive criticism appreciated. thank you so much for reading!

[PrinceMyshkin]

You paint an intriguing picture it but doesn't gain much by being structured as a poem. Better to offer it as a prose poem or even as the opening of a short story.

[sparr0w]

That's definitely an idea, prince. I was actually thinking about tagging it onto the begining of another poem i was already working on, but i wasnt sure. sometimes i like to just create a scene in your head instead of trying to say something, kind of like some of longfellows earlier works, you know, like the one where he's just talking about this tree he used to hide in when he was a kid... I cant remember what it was called anymore. but yeah, youre probably right. maybee Ill finish up the other one I was working on and try to tag this one onto the begining, probably having to reword it a little, but thats okay. Ill repost when i finish. thanks for the feedback!

[ampoule]

sometimes i like to just create a scene

I love scene setting.....'setting' around and watching souls and people and boats bobbing. I enjoyed it sparr0w.

[Pendragon]

It sets a scene so perfectly that you almost feel that you are there. That said, I agree with Jerry that it sounds like a Hemingway lead in to a short story or novel, or even H. Rider Haggard. That's high praise as I like both authors and they are very famous...http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Soccar.gif

[kiz_paws]

I enjoyed your poem, your words are very soothing. In particular, I liked

So the fog rolls in
and the bow bobs gently
back and forth,
perhaps soothing lost soulsI could really picture that. Good job and keep on posting! :thumbs_up