Graceful Angel

[dibyendra]

Her expressions are so poetic which gave a birth to this poem. Any comments would be appreciated.

Graceful Angel
Her rosy cheeks in the morning light radiates –
as she smiles angelically.
Her charismatic look arrests me –
while she sips a morning tea on her balcony.
Her lustrous and raven hair flutters as she walks;
fragrance of her beautiful skin and hair disperse aroma in the air.
Her elegant dress entices everyone –
while she waits for a bus at the nearby bus stop every morning.
She walks so gentle; her anklets chime and resonate harmonically.
Her shyness is her ornament which she always carries with her;
I can feel it in her bashful expressions.
Her endearing sleek figure comes as a picture in my dream–
which incarnates her vivified figure.
Is it a crush, or is it a real love? But, I’m really addicted to her love.
In my dream, she is an angel of mine,
but in reality, she might be a heart of thousand others.

[Tuninks]

A truly beautiful poem. Good job!

[kiz_paws]

Very pretty, dibyendra, in particular I loved
Her shyness is her ornament which she always carries with her;
I can feel it in her bashful expressions.Loved that -- exquisitely put. :thumbs_up


In my dream, she is an angel of mine,
but in reality, she might be a heart of thousand others.That was sadly sweet, I loved the way you said this.

Great poem, dib! :)

[dibyendra]

Thank you so much Tuninks and Kiz for your valuable comment! ;)

[ampoule]

What a lovely poem and what a lovely young woman you describe. I loved that line also...her shyness is her ornament which she always carries with her.
We all love looking at beautiful things, don't we? Sometimes our collections are our addictions, whether we put them on shelves, hang them on walls or watch them walk down the street.

[Pendragon]

Angels of the heart are lovely and kind, and why should they not be yours or mine? Good poem! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Chicks.gif

[Anza]

its so pretty. I like that you made shyness "an ornament"
Bene Factum!

[jon1jt]

I think it's a pretty poem, dibyendra. My issue with it is that you tell far too much without allowing the verse to release those sensations of the speaker. You start by saying how her appearance "arrests me" and then you go on to give a detailed account. I assure you that if you put a woman on a balcony drinking tea (or hey even at a bus stop! :)) and her hair 'flutters' I will experience that 'lustrous and raven' image on my own. The same with the line about, 'her anklets chime and resonate harmonically.'

'Is it a crush or is it love?' To kiss or to kiss again? Hmmm. :p

[ampoule]

Jon Jon....I love that anklet chiming thing. ;) I would be pretty thrilled if I thought a man was that in tuned to my ankles. :D

[dibyendra]

What a lovely poem and what a lovely young woman you describe. I loved that line also...her shyness is her ornament which she always carries with her.


Thanks very much Amp for your comment and appreciation. There are still many feelings which I would like to add in this poem, but right words are not coming out right:( . And, yes Amp, that line my favorite too.



We all love looking at beautiful things, don't we? Sometimes our collections are our addictions, whether we put them on shelves, hang them on walls or watch them walk down the street.


I loved the way you explained Amp. The only thing I can do now is to imagine her in my dream.:)

[dibyendra]

Angels of the heart are lovely and kind, and why should they not be yours or mine? Good poem! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Chicks.gif

Ah Pen! What a lovely statement and angels by you:thumbs_up . And thank you so much for your comment. :)

[dibyendra]

its so pretty. I like that you made shyness "an ornament"
Bene Factum!

Thank you very much Anza for your comment. And, by the way, that line is my favorite too. :)


Bene Factum!
I didn't get that Anza. ;) Which language is it anyway?

[dibyendra]

I think it's a pretty poem, dibyendra. My issue with it is that you tell far too much without allowing the verse to release those sensations of the speaker. You start by saying how her appearance "arrests me" and then you go on to give a detailed account.

Thank you very much John for your comment and critics. Suggestions are what I was longing for. While I was thinking about her emotionally, I must have plunged too deep and didn't notice like you noticed here ;). It would be great if I could hear few of your suggestions before I think what could be done in this poem.



I assure you that if you put a woman on a balcony drinking tea (or hey even at a bus stop! :)) and her hair 'flutters' I will experience that 'lustrous and raven' image on my own. The same with the line about, 'her anklets chime and resonate harmonically.'

'Is it a crush or is it love?' To kiss or to kiss again? Hmmm. :p


Hehe, I guess I have not described women having tea at a bus stop :).