A Requiem of Symmetry

[ampoule]

A Requiem of Symmetry

I should have been there,
standing with my arms outstretched,
screaming no for my dominion,
my care and feeding of you,
tiger, tiger, burning so bright,
with your stripes I am not healed,
but ashamed, sad and weeping.
When first I was told that I, too,
am MAN, included in the responsibility
of this world and all that is in it,
I was pleased, proud that they
would trust me, a quiet freckled girl.
But I have failed, they did not hear,
those hands that seized your fire,
twisting the sinews of your strong heart,
with taunting words and catcalls
making you jump like you were meant to,
the fire in your eyes, your winged muscles,
forcing your deadly terrors.
No amount of star-throwing spears
could save you or them or the moment,
-Or Me-
for now I lie here beside you,
my arms framing your fearful symmetry.


ampoule, January Eighteenth, TwoThousandEight

[PrinceMyshkin]

Wonderful! Wonderful, but

please consider changing now I lay here to now I lie here

[ampoule]

Thank you Prince, for your suggestion, which I quickly took you up on, hoping that no one else saw it.
Thank you for the 'wonderful' too. I'll tell you, that whole tiger episode in San Francisco has haunted me and I needed to write that. I hope it made sense.

[emilylou06]

This was intense. I could hear your haunted voice through the words. Tigers are glorious creatures and I loved how you described your experience and the animal as well. Beautifully written!

[Virgil]

Amp, I thought this quite good. I'm very captivated by the intertwining of the metaphors and the allusion, even though meanong of it escapes me. I really thought these lines were excellent:

When first I was told that I, too,
am MAN, included in the responsibility
of this world and all that is in it,
I was pleased, proud that they
would trust me, a quiet freckled girl.
Certain parts can be tightened up by dropping the passive voice, like here:
"But I have failed, they did not hear." I would go with "But I failed..."

[firefangled]

Well done, Amp. You packed a lot in here to think about.

I love the way this addresses the responsibility of stewardship and how it is not as easy as it might seem to know exactly what that means and what to do with it.

[ampoule]

Thank you. I thought the catharsis of this would help but it hasn't yet. Everytime I read it, I sob. As I told someone, not because of the poem but because of the subject. William Blake's poem, Tiger, Tiger, Burning Bright kept going through my mind. I was wondering if anyone else caught that connection.
Thank you for reading and thank you for giving me a place to share.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thank you. I thought the catharsis of this would help but it hasn't yet. Everytime I read it, I sob. As I told someone, not because of the poem but because of the subject. William Blake's poem, Tiger, Tiger, Burning Bright kept going through my mind. I was wondering if anyone else caught that connection.
Thank you for reading and thank you for giving me a place to share.

Well, of course most people caught that connection! But what impressed me especially was how deftly it was integrated into your poem!

Now I defy you to see what you can do with his London!

I wander through each charter'd street
Near where the charter'd Thames doth flow
And mark in every face I meet
Marks of weakness, marks of woe...

&c.