sonnet, tell me what you think.

[verum]

Unnamed


Silent, inanimate, ensconced on shelves,
Unceasingly questioning existence,
Relics, ashes, remnants of inner selves.
Most, sadly, take paths of least resistance.

Only we can break through the walls of clay,
Walls put up by animated society,
Built by the masks who often betray.
The time is now for a vicious mutiny.

The emptiness newly arisen,
The walls closing in on my captured core.
I long to escape my clay walled prison,
And forever condemned without saviour.

Is this a cycle of mere confusion,
Or simply a subconscious illusion?

[PrinceMyshkin]

I believe I might like this more or at least attend better to the content of it if I were not distracted by watching to see if you have jumped through all the hoops required by the sonnet form.

[verum]

Yeah, it was for a school assignment, so we had to follow the strict guidelines. I can put my original up, before all that. If you want.

[Pendragon]

Unnamed


Silent, inanimate, ensconced on shelves,
Unceasingly questioning existence,
Relics, ashes, remnants of inner selves.
Most, sadly, take paths of least resistance.

Only we can break through the walls of clay,
Walls put up by animated society,
Built by the masks who often betray.
The time is now for a vicious mutiny.

The emptiness newly arisen,
The walls closing in on my captured core.
I long to escape my clay walled prison,
And forever condemned without saviour.

Is this a cycle of mere confusion,
Or simply a subconscious illusion?Not bad. I can spot places where you hesitated and then went with a word you didn't really like. With a sonnet, which this forum is full of mine, some good, some awful, you have to go with flow, even if you strictly adhere to iambic pentameter you have to make it seem unforced, a natural flow into the next line and next rhyme.

You did pretty good! I'm used to reading first sonnets that read like newsprint because they are so forced into the form and shape that they have no rhythm. They go "Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh
Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh."
Wow! Yours has the rhythm that keeps the interest. Go Verum!:thumbs_up

[verum]

:thumbs_up thanks a lot P, it feels good to know you did well.

[blazeofglory]

Unnamed


Silent, inanimate, ensconced on shelves,
Unceasingly questioning existence,
Relics, ashes, remnants of inner selves.
Most, sadly, take paths of least resistance.

Only we can break through the walls of clay,
Walls put up by animated society,
Built by the masks who often betray.
The time is now for a vicious mutiny.

The emptiness newly arisen,
The walls closing in on my captured core.
I long to escape my clay walled prison,
And forever condemned without saviour.

Is this a cycle of mere confusion,
Or simply a subconscious illusion?

This is wonderfully written poem and of course it has a great beauty.

[verum]

thanks a lot, blaze, it means a lot.