rmkpeace
01-16-2008, 07:56 PM
Please comment about this story whether it be good or bad. I would like to know so I can better myself as a writer. I also have 3 other posts.
The smell of salt overpowered his nostrils. He knew he was in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico, but wasn’t entirely certain how far out. If he had only paid them when he had the money the first time he wouldn’t be in this predicament. It’s too late for pity now. Jason Wolfe is sitting in-between two very large Cubans on a speed boat racing further out into the Gulf.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jason asked.
“Puto, there is nothing to be afraid of,” said the driver of the boat, also Cuban. He turned the wheel a little and pushed the throttle forward making the boat lurch forward with greater speed. This frightened Jason very much, he knew he was about to be killed.
Jason had borrowed the money so he and his wife could pay for in-vitro fertilization. He had never been very good at managing money and now he was paying for it…with his life. He didn’t remember how much he had borrowed only that it was a big amount. Jason never told his wife the truth in getting the money; just that it was a loan. After he had started working he had the money to pay some of his debt off but opted to use it to go out gambling. He lost everything. He had been on the run for some time before Carlos had caught him; caught him in another casino owned by the Hernandez family. Jason didn’t know why he was willing to push his luck gambling in his “loan officer’s” own casino but he thought what the heck.
“So, fellas, what are you guys going to do?” Jason asked, fidgeting in his seat.
“What do you think we’re going to do?” Carlos asked. Carlos was a large man; one that nobody would want to come up against with out a weapon. You could pick him out of a lineup by the scar that ran down his right cheek that he sustained during a bar fight with a knife. His dark brown eyes were hollowing looking, as if you were looking into a body with no soul.
“Look, guys. I can get the money just give me some more time,” Jason pleaded. “I swear I can get it.”
Carlos’s face broke into a grin. “We gave you time Mr. Wolfe; plenty of time. Now it’s time to pay.”
Jason just nodded his head like a man that gave up all hope. “Are you going to kill me?”
“Yes.”
Jason leapt up from his seat and started toward the end of the boat to jump. He knew he would probably get shot in mid-jump or he may even make it into the water but they would come back to make sure the deed was done. The other Cuban sitting next to Jason was smaller than Carlos but was quicker. He caught Jason by the hair and yanked him backwards making him scream in pain and fall on his back. The small Cuban stomped once on Jason’s face. Blood squirted from his nose like a geyser. Pain rocketed through his skull making him go to the edge of conscience. Jason could feel Carlos's big, hard hands grab his shirt at the chest and lift him up without even a grunt.
“Now, now, now. That’s enough of that. You’re going to sit their and be a good boy or Juan here will have his way with you. If you know what I mean,” Carlos said through a grin that made his face even uglier.
Through gasps of pain and choking down warm, iron tasting blood Jason asked, “Arre you going to drown me?”
Before Carlos could answer the boat’s engine let out one last growl before coming silent. The boat kept on drifting a few more yards after the engine was shut off. Carlos turned from Jason went underneath to get some supplies. Jason knew he was going to die now there was no point in denying it. It’s just how he was going to die that was the question. He hopped it was quick, but he knew better he knew they would have their fun and then leave him to drown or let his body float to be eaten by either sharks or gators.
Carlos was back again with an air tank and head gear to an old fashion scuba suit. The helmet must of weighed at least twenty pounds. It was a bronze color and big enough to be converted into a fish bowl that could hold at least three decent sized fish easily.
“What the hell is that for?” Jason asked.
“Why, it’s for you my love,” Carlos grunted setting down the tank and helmet.
“I don’t get it,” Jason said very seriously astounded.
With one quick movement Juan hit Jason in the throat causing blinding pain to radiate off of Jason’s neck to his stomach. He reached for his throat hoping to grab one last breath, thinking he was going to die because of that stupid Spic. He landed on his knees where Juan commenced to kick him in the right temple. Through the pain Jason released the contents of his bladder. Spilling urine into his underwear and pants; the darkened cloth ring started to appear.
“Enough,” Carlos said gently, where in Juan stopped kicking Jason in the ribs.
“Look, the weco wetted himself,” Juan said in a thick Spanish accent. Jason could barely understand him.
“Let’s begin,” Carlos said softly.
All he and Sharon ever wanted were two boys. They had been trying for children for close to three years now. Jason had got desperate because it was putting a strain on their relationship and marriage. He loved Sharon very much. When he saw her crying in the bathroom alone in the dark is when Jason had had enough; he was going to do something about it. The very next day he went to a friend that had gotten a loan for a car from a “friend”, so Jason thought he could get the same loan to help his situation and his marriage.
The two of them pulled Jason up and sat him down; they put the tank on him and then the helmet. The helmet felt more than twenty pounds on Jason’s sore and weak neck. He didn’t think he would be able to hold himself up any longer when the two Cubans stood him up and walked him to the back of the boat where a platform was located. Jason was still confused as to what they were doing with him and having him put all this stuff on. It didn’t fit the bill of a murder. Then again they may make it look like a scuba accident.
The reached the platform and helped him sit on the edge. Sitting next to him they started to put shackle looking things onto his ankles. He grew more curious and confused. Finally he couldn’t take it any more, “What are you going to do to me and you better answer me and no kidding around?”
“Haven’t we already talked about this?” Carlos asked. “Very well, we are going to have you go deep see diving to look for some treasure.”
“That’s it?”
“Yeah, that’s it.”
Juan stepped close to Jason and with a flick of the wrist opened the valve for the oxygen to flow into the helmet. With one powerful shove in the back with his foot, Jason fell into the Gulf of Mexico.
Sharon was going to the doctor later on today to see if the procedure had worked. They had borrowed enough money to do the procedure twice. The first time Sharon had miscarried after eight weeks the doctor had said that if the second time was unsuccessful then they may have ran out of options and adoption would be the only choice. The two of them had spoken of adoption but both really didn’t want to do that. The cost of adoption would mean another loan that Jason was sure he would not be able to attain.
This isn’t too bad, Jason thought. All he had to do was look for some buried treasure, make sure he found it, and then he was free; all that was wiped away when the feeling of being sucked down took over his body. From above Carlos had pushed the three hundred pound weight that was on a sled next to the platform (Jason had not even seen it because he was so curious at what the two men were doing). It was shackled to Jason’s ankles and now dragging him into the dark abyss below.
Carlos’s phone rang, “Hola.”
There was a voice on the other end speaking in rapid Spanish.
“Si,” Carlos responded. “It’s finished.”
Carlos turned and swirled his hand in a circle to the driver of the boat. The engine was brought back to life and rumbled like a furious lion. The driver turned the wheel and pressed down the throttle; off went the boat back toward the Florida coastline. Carlos sat down in his seat and lit a match, brought it to his cigar, and took a long deep drag.
Jason was terrified. It finally dawned on him what they were doing. He wasn’t going to look for treasure and they weren’t going to even drown him (in a literal sense). They were going to let Mother Nature’s law of pressure kill him. He figured that they gave him enough oxygen to feel the pressure that would soon come because he was falling at an incredible rate. Oh, God, what have I done? I’m so sorry, Sharon.
He couldn’t do a thing; just standing there suspended, dropping to the bottom of the sea. He had been drifting down for about three minutes when he started to feel the temperature of the Gulf change. First it was a warm pleasant feeling replaced by a freezing hell. He began to feel the first signs of pressure when it became harder to breathe. First his breaths came in labored heaves, trying to gather as much oxygen in each breath. At this point he was around five hundred feet under and plummeting faster.
After another five hundred feet Jason’s body could take no more. His rib cage could not stand the pressure of the impeding water. His ribs begin to crack, then break. His lungs collapse under the immense pressure leaving Jason without any oxygen. He barely feels the pain because of the icy water around him. He knows he’s dying now because he can’t breathe in anymore. He prays last one time before the dark abyss below swallows him whole. Not knowing that his wife just learned that they were going to have a baby girl.
The smell of salt overpowered his nostrils. He knew he was in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico, but wasn’t entirely certain how far out. If he had only paid them when he had the money the first time he wouldn’t be in this predicament. It’s too late for pity now. Jason Wolfe is sitting in-between two very large Cubans on a speed boat racing further out into the Gulf.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jason asked.
“Puto, there is nothing to be afraid of,” said the driver of the boat, also Cuban. He turned the wheel a little and pushed the throttle forward making the boat lurch forward with greater speed. This frightened Jason very much, he knew he was about to be killed.
Jason had borrowed the money so he and his wife could pay for in-vitro fertilization. He had never been very good at managing money and now he was paying for it…with his life. He didn’t remember how much he had borrowed only that it was a big amount. Jason never told his wife the truth in getting the money; just that it was a loan. After he had started working he had the money to pay some of his debt off but opted to use it to go out gambling. He lost everything. He had been on the run for some time before Carlos had caught him; caught him in another casino owned by the Hernandez family. Jason didn’t know why he was willing to push his luck gambling in his “loan officer’s” own casino but he thought what the heck.
“So, fellas, what are you guys going to do?” Jason asked, fidgeting in his seat.
“What do you think we’re going to do?” Carlos asked. Carlos was a large man; one that nobody would want to come up against with out a weapon. You could pick him out of a lineup by the scar that ran down his right cheek that he sustained during a bar fight with a knife. His dark brown eyes were hollowing looking, as if you were looking into a body with no soul.
“Look, guys. I can get the money just give me some more time,” Jason pleaded. “I swear I can get it.”
Carlos’s face broke into a grin. “We gave you time Mr. Wolfe; plenty of time. Now it’s time to pay.”
Jason just nodded his head like a man that gave up all hope. “Are you going to kill me?”
“Yes.”
Jason leapt up from his seat and started toward the end of the boat to jump. He knew he would probably get shot in mid-jump or he may even make it into the water but they would come back to make sure the deed was done. The other Cuban sitting next to Jason was smaller than Carlos but was quicker. He caught Jason by the hair and yanked him backwards making him scream in pain and fall on his back. The small Cuban stomped once on Jason’s face. Blood squirted from his nose like a geyser. Pain rocketed through his skull making him go to the edge of conscience. Jason could feel Carlos's big, hard hands grab his shirt at the chest and lift him up without even a grunt.
“Now, now, now. That’s enough of that. You’re going to sit their and be a good boy or Juan here will have his way with you. If you know what I mean,” Carlos said through a grin that made his face even uglier.
Through gasps of pain and choking down warm, iron tasting blood Jason asked, “Arre you going to drown me?”
Before Carlos could answer the boat’s engine let out one last growl before coming silent. The boat kept on drifting a few more yards after the engine was shut off. Carlos turned from Jason went underneath to get some supplies. Jason knew he was going to die now there was no point in denying it. It’s just how he was going to die that was the question. He hopped it was quick, but he knew better he knew they would have their fun and then leave him to drown or let his body float to be eaten by either sharks or gators.
Carlos was back again with an air tank and head gear to an old fashion scuba suit. The helmet must of weighed at least twenty pounds. It was a bronze color and big enough to be converted into a fish bowl that could hold at least three decent sized fish easily.
“What the hell is that for?” Jason asked.
“Why, it’s for you my love,” Carlos grunted setting down the tank and helmet.
“I don’t get it,” Jason said very seriously astounded.
With one quick movement Juan hit Jason in the throat causing blinding pain to radiate off of Jason’s neck to his stomach. He reached for his throat hoping to grab one last breath, thinking he was going to die because of that stupid Spic. He landed on his knees where Juan commenced to kick him in the right temple. Through the pain Jason released the contents of his bladder. Spilling urine into his underwear and pants; the darkened cloth ring started to appear.
“Enough,” Carlos said gently, where in Juan stopped kicking Jason in the ribs.
“Look, the weco wetted himself,” Juan said in a thick Spanish accent. Jason could barely understand him.
“Let’s begin,” Carlos said softly.
All he and Sharon ever wanted were two boys. They had been trying for children for close to three years now. Jason had got desperate because it was putting a strain on their relationship and marriage. He loved Sharon very much. When he saw her crying in the bathroom alone in the dark is when Jason had had enough; he was going to do something about it. The very next day he went to a friend that had gotten a loan for a car from a “friend”, so Jason thought he could get the same loan to help his situation and his marriage.
The two of them pulled Jason up and sat him down; they put the tank on him and then the helmet. The helmet felt more than twenty pounds on Jason’s sore and weak neck. He didn’t think he would be able to hold himself up any longer when the two Cubans stood him up and walked him to the back of the boat where a platform was located. Jason was still confused as to what they were doing with him and having him put all this stuff on. It didn’t fit the bill of a murder. Then again they may make it look like a scuba accident.
The reached the platform and helped him sit on the edge. Sitting next to him they started to put shackle looking things onto his ankles. He grew more curious and confused. Finally he couldn’t take it any more, “What are you going to do to me and you better answer me and no kidding around?”
“Haven’t we already talked about this?” Carlos asked. “Very well, we are going to have you go deep see diving to look for some treasure.”
“That’s it?”
“Yeah, that’s it.”
Juan stepped close to Jason and with a flick of the wrist opened the valve for the oxygen to flow into the helmet. With one powerful shove in the back with his foot, Jason fell into the Gulf of Mexico.
Sharon was going to the doctor later on today to see if the procedure had worked. They had borrowed enough money to do the procedure twice. The first time Sharon had miscarried after eight weeks the doctor had said that if the second time was unsuccessful then they may have ran out of options and adoption would be the only choice. The two of them had spoken of adoption but both really didn’t want to do that. The cost of adoption would mean another loan that Jason was sure he would not be able to attain.
This isn’t too bad, Jason thought. All he had to do was look for some buried treasure, make sure he found it, and then he was free; all that was wiped away when the feeling of being sucked down took over his body. From above Carlos had pushed the three hundred pound weight that was on a sled next to the platform (Jason had not even seen it because he was so curious at what the two men were doing). It was shackled to Jason’s ankles and now dragging him into the dark abyss below.
Carlos’s phone rang, “Hola.”
There was a voice on the other end speaking in rapid Spanish.
“Si,” Carlos responded. “It’s finished.”
Carlos turned and swirled his hand in a circle to the driver of the boat. The engine was brought back to life and rumbled like a furious lion. The driver turned the wheel and pressed down the throttle; off went the boat back toward the Florida coastline. Carlos sat down in his seat and lit a match, brought it to his cigar, and took a long deep drag.
Jason was terrified. It finally dawned on him what they were doing. He wasn’t going to look for treasure and they weren’t going to even drown him (in a literal sense). They were going to let Mother Nature’s law of pressure kill him. He figured that they gave him enough oxygen to feel the pressure that would soon come because he was falling at an incredible rate. Oh, God, what have I done? I’m so sorry, Sharon.
He couldn’t do a thing; just standing there suspended, dropping to the bottom of the sea. He had been drifting down for about three minutes when he started to feel the temperature of the Gulf change. First it was a warm pleasant feeling replaced by a freezing hell. He began to feel the first signs of pressure when it became harder to breathe. First his breaths came in labored heaves, trying to gather as much oxygen in each breath. At this point he was around five hundred feet under and plummeting faster.
After another five hundred feet Jason’s body could take no more. His rib cage could not stand the pressure of the impeding water. His ribs begin to crack, then break. His lungs collapse under the immense pressure leaving Jason without any oxygen. He barely feels the pain because of the icy water around him. He knows he’s dying now because he can’t breathe in anymore. He prays last one time before the dark abyss below swallows him whole. Not knowing that his wife just learned that they were going to have a baby girl.