One night stand

[aashishameya]

It’s really contagious
I don’t know what kind of disease this is?
But must be deadly
It makes relationship fragile and
Heart to a stone
First it attacks on body then
Eat the soul,
Broken families, lonely bonds
Defeated soul, barren bodies
Violent emotions, rough touches
Ugly smiles, bitter kisses
Love(hatred) bites, fake orgasm
Alcoholic moments, abusive adieu
World needs a vaccine
Vaccine of love.

[mechanic12]

I don't know a great deal about the ways a poem can or should be structured but I thought one thing led to another. (no pun intended) I'm referring to the structure not the content. If it was intentional I think it was good. If not I think it could use some touching up. This is what I mean:

It’s really contagious
I don’t know what kind of disease this is?
But must be deadly
It makes relationship fragile and
Heart to a stone
First it attacks on body then

Then moves into this kinda structure:

Eat the soul,
Broken families, lonely bonds
Defeated soul, barren bodies
Violent emotions, rough touches
Ugly smiles, bitter kisses
Love(hatred) bites, fake orgasm
Alcoholic moments, abusive adieu

my thoughts M12

[ShadowID]

This is a really powerful poem. In all the anger and abrasive imagery, I can't help but feel saddened. I wonder if it was your intention or just my personal reaction.

Just a simple question: Why does the second line end with a question mark? I'm trying to read it as a question but I'm having a little trouble.

I do feel that a few things could be refined a little bit more. If you look at line 6 and 7:

First it attacks on the body then
Eat the soul,

I think "eat" should be "eats" to have the same grammar as "attacks" on line 6. I don't want to nit pick too much because this may be your intention (to write in a bit of chaos to add to the anger).

Again, I feel that this is a really powerful poem. It's hard to describe how this poem made me feel.

[aashishameya]

thank you very much dear poet friends, i really appreciate comments and will do changes which i think will not affect poem's soul...
thanks again