Heaven's mirror

[Chopin-enigma]

In a world filled with shadows and secrecy,
Consumed by dumb luck and cruel fate,
Lay a flower wrapped in the lies of despair.
And when the sun reflects from heavens mirrors,
her eyes leak golden light. And her soul is illuminated.
Simultaneously the onyx veil draped over her pale visage is lifted,
Allowing her to show what her faith has gifted.
As her light shines, the shadows blur.

[PrinceMyshkin]

A rather extraordinary jolt from the richness of your imagery to that rather abrupt, succinct ending - and a compelling read throughout.

[Chopin-enigma]

thanks much for your support

[Schizo-Manic]

this was short and bitter sweet, like the saying " I was once blind, but now I see" nice work

[ampoule]

I like lifted and gifted, the rhythm of that. The whole thing is like an awakening.

[AuntShecky]

Nice piece. Try putting your verbs in the active voice.

[Countess]

Nice comparison between a flower and spiritual enlightenment. Very pretty too.

[blazeofglory]

In a world filled with shadows and secrecy,
Consumed by dumb luck and cruel fate,
Lay a flower wrapped in the lies of despair.
And when the sun reflects from heavens mirrors,
her eyes leak golden light. And her soul is illuminated.
Simultaneously the onyx veil draped over her pale visage is lifted,
Allowing her to show what her faith has gifted.
As her light shines, the shadows blur.


There is of course a commingling of both despondence and hope. And indeed that has given both form and substance to your poem.

[mechanic12]

Lay a flower wrapped in the lies of despair.
And when the sun reflects from heavens mirrors

I'm not a pro poet by any means but sometimes constructive criticism is helpful.
To someone that would read a lot of poems they would realize the content is very good but the lines I put above confuse the reader a bit....Is the sun on the earth now that it reflects from heavens mirrors? I liked your poem a lot but thought you forced something in them lines. M12

[Chopin-enigma]

Thanks for the comments. and Mechanic12... thanks to your comment I notices a typo lol. its supposed to be mirror, and yes the sun should be shining down on earth but I'm referring to her eyes as heavens mirror

[chopin_lover]

a gust of wind flutters, the world in dark night,
a soul sets out into the empty sky


passing over, its destination is the end of paradise,
if only one prayer can be heard, let life resound


faint light blossoms, together we believe,
a row of many gazes


a gentle melody is the end of memory,
if only one wish may be granted, let life run free

floating dust

rising moon

concealing a miracle

a flower that is heaven's mirror

beams of sunlight shine through the trees,
a dazzling world,

a soul that rings the bell of peace.