Light Hearted Verse by Paul Curtis

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A GOOD SPORT

If you are thinking of taking up a sport
Then here’s a thought
If you are going to try cross-country skiing
This is what I’m thinking
Make sure you are well equipped to ski
And start with a small country

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ONCE UPON A TIME

Once upon a time
One day long, long ago,
There lived a woman who you will not know
A remarkable woman
No man has ever known
Who did not whine, nag, ***** or moan
But this was a long, long ago
And it was just ONE day
And that’s all this fairy tale has to say

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IT’S THE DOGS…. ONCE AGAIN

George loved his wife Elsie dearly
They’d been married 40 years nearly
George loved her from the very first look
But sadly Elsie was a desperate cook
To her great credit it didn’t deter her
From preparing a variety of fare
One day she served something cordon bleu
Which caused George to sit and stare
It was truly awful even just to look at
Some burnt, some raw and swimming in fat
Reluctantly he took a taste of the presentation
And gave it to his dog without hesitation
Then immediately after eating some
The dog started licking at his bum
“Why is he doing that?" she said in disgust
As the dog did what all dogs must
George replied quite straight faced
“He’s trying to get rid of the taste”

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HEALTH CLUB WARNING

I joined a health club last year
It cost two hundred pounds so quite dear
I haven’t lost a single pound
So as an investment not very sound
But it wasn’t their fault to be fare
Because apparently you have to go there

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EXERCISE PLAN

My wife wants me to start taking exercise
But not for my own sake to be plain
The only reason she wants me to exercise
Is so she can hear heavy breathing again

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MENOPAUSAL MONITOR

George was unhappy
With his wife’s erratic mood swings
And his work mates
Told him of the benefit s of mood rings
So he went out a bought one
So he might monitor her mood
He had his reservations
And he thought the idea quite crude
But when she was in a good mood
The stone in the ring turned bright red
And when in a bad mood
It left a huge bruise on his fore head
He came to the conclusion
That he would throw away the mood ring
And try a new tack
Such as buying her a diamond ring

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FEELING DOWN

I find at times life gets me down a bit
And I get depressed I must admit
I’m not the only one that is sometimes down
And I try to make a smile out of a frown
But lately my mood had been very black
And I knew I must try to get my life back
I thought the Samaritans can help if anyone can
So I called and got a call centre in Pakistan
I explained that I called them for my survival
because I was low and I was feeling suicidal
I was surprised at their response to my blues
Because they were very excited at my news
And they proceeded to try and ascertain
If I could drive a truck or fly a plane

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A GOOD EXERCISE

Exercise is a good thing
Pushing your body physically
It can take many forms
I like cycling particularly
I like golf and swimming
I like long walks, especially
When they are taken by
People who annoy me

[ampoule]

Thank you for the laughs. That mood ring was great.