Pretending To Speak

[huihuffaker]

Vital signs creeping through my veins
with the wrecking of suicidal fights
turning the wheel off the deadly lanes
screaming for the freedom of rights.

Tears falling from satan's eyes
so don't be fooled by his faking ways
its followed by his vindictive lies
suffering your trade from day to day.

Its the end of what dully began
as he strips you of moral infections
time is repeating over and over again
for everyone lives among imperfections.

becoming an incubus of viral plague
darkened by night and brightened by death
stepping onto a silent stage
while shooting the trigger of infectous meth.

-HuiHuffaker[sharon]

[huihuffaker]

DEDICATED TO MY EVIL STEP-MOTHER:

slitting the throats of a thousand souls
redeaming yourself of self revenge
tricking the dead incolent fools
as the thickest blood runs down again

nightmares temper the fictional being
hanging your enemy by her neck
letting your anger bleed might be freeing
but your apponent is an intellect

watching your back confuses your veiw
embracing the lies emotionally kills
stab and push that knife all the way through
until you get the redemption chills

clean up the scene like theres no attack
like nothing happened just a story to lend
keep on going dont ever look back
the slaughter of true redemption is the end.

-huihuffaker [sharon]

[huihuffaker]

EMBRACE THE TRAGEDY:

lights of amber, red, and blue
fight their way through hell
even the enemy really knew
but our world never seemed to tell

thunder bolts thrashed with fear
screaming with every breath
the ideal of life is mere
while the streets are trashed with death

embracing the unholy water
heart rate starting to fail
mother nature began to slaughter
while the murderer began to hail

-huihuffaker [sharon]

dedicated to the tragic storm that destroyed my home.

[PrinceMyshkin]

DEDICATED TO MY EVIL STEP-MOTHER:

slitting the throats of a thousand souls
redeaming yourself of self revenge
tricking the dead incolent fools
as the thickest blood runs down again

nightmares temper the fictional being
hanging your enemy by her neck
letting your anger bleed might be freeing
but your apponent is an intellect

watching your back confuses your veiw
embracing the lies emotionally kills
stab and push that knife all the way through
until you get the redemption chills

clean up the scene like theres no attack
like nothing happened just a story to lend
keep on going dont ever look back
the slaughter of true redemption is the end.

-huihuffaker [sharon]

Dynamite closing line, but there are many grammatical & spelling errors throughout this, and some of the lines are too obscure for me. Or your voice is pitched at an hysterical level from the beginning so that everything blurs into one sustained scream.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I was especially taken with this line:


everyone lives among imperfections.


But perhaps it's because you have posted these three poems on the same day (which is on the whole discouraged here) I could not help but notice a sameness in the tone, always urgent and frantic. You risk becoming a parody of yourself.

[huihuffaker]

Dynamite closing line, but there are many grammatical & spelling errors throughout this, and some of the lines are too obscure for me. Or your voice is pitched at an hysterical level from the beginning so that everything blurs into one sustained scream.

Yes I know. It came straight from my notebook. I just wanted to be aware of other opinions.

And yes in the beginning anger took over.

But, thanks for the reveiw.

[huihuffaker]

I was especially taken with this line:



But perhaps it's because you have posted these three poems on the same day (which is on the whole discouraged here) I could not help but notice a sameness in the tone, always urgent and frantic. You risk becoming a parody of yourself.


I see what you mean. Well, I'm still a young writer. I still need to learn much much more.

[Sweets America]

I was especially taken with this line:



But perhaps it's because you have posted these three poems on the same day (which is on the whole discouraged here) I could not help but notice a sameness in the tone, always urgent and frantic. You risk becoming a parody of yourself.

I was wondering: the sameness in the tone, could it not be her 'personal voice'? I am not sure.

I am not sure I understand this poem, but I love the first stanza best.

[Logos]

3 poem threads merged to 1: please see
http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=21394