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TheFifthElement
01-02-2008, 05:00 AM
She says this is no place for dreamers
as she drapes a silver leg over the chair;
poses it like a statement, swaying.
I follow a curve to the beginning,

the original question solicited in tarnished
flesh, twisted sinew like a rag wrung dry.

What is it you want?

She asked in a voice rarely spoken
out of character. I cannot say –

I only wonder what the world is like
behind those eyes, grey as a summer
of disappointments, a summer of endless evening

where love, like ice-cream,
comes in every flavour, cherry-topped
with raspberry syrup, chocolate sprinkles,
nothing spared. I imagine what it’s like

to eat until my tongue is numb
and frozen words spill out, tasteless
as desire, draped in red.

This is all I want.

This small room, this bed, to know
love until I can’t feel it any more,
and I’m lost in a tangle of thighs,

the secret like warm breath on
the back of my neck, melting me,
melting me again.

PrinceMyshkin
01-02-2008, 08:20 AM
I note the pitched battle in this between the tremendous sensuality of it and the decorum of your lines, the almost helpless exercise of rational intelligence. Among so many effective lines & images I was especially struck by:



I imagine what it’s like

to eat until my tongue is numb
and frozen words spill out, tasteless
as desire, draped in red.

TheFifthElement
01-03-2008, 05:26 AM
Thanks Jerry :)

SleepyWitch
01-03-2008, 05:51 AM
This is all I want.

This small room, this bed, to know
love until I can’t feel it any more,


I like these lines best.

who's the narrator? is it a man or a woman?

TheFifthElement
01-03-2008, 07:51 AM
who's the narrator? is it a man or a woman?

Good question! When I was writing it, it was a man but then it could equally apply to a woman, either/or.

ampoule
01-03-2008, 10:01 AM
Whoa Nellie! I feel like I've just opened a door I'm not supposed to look in. Maybe not, but very good.

TheFifthElement
01-04-2008, 04:29 AM
Thanks amp - you were meant to look, it's part of the sales pitch ;)

firefangled
01-04-2008, 06:40 PM
Prince stole my favorite lines...but then it is hard to not have many. These are also amazing:


I only wonder what the world is like
behind those eyes, grey as a summer
of disappointments, a summer of endless evening


You have the most best endings!!

The Rider
01-04-2008, 08:34 PM
I really, really like this poem! The imagery is very original and very captivating!

TheFifthElement
01-06-2008, 05:46 AM
Thanks Firefangled and Rider, it's always nice to get good feedback but it's especially nice to get feedback from poets whose work I admire.

CdnReader
01-06-2008, 05:50 AM
Yowzas! I love the purely riveting sensuality of this piece, Fifth.