time.............

[ahsiam]

a mystery comes
comes to your wharf;
making all your love buried
it stops you, a love-adept.
and slaves to not your lure
neither keeps a drop of tear to endure.


it floats in your boat,
yet sails with supreme dominion;
drinking all your fragrance and breaking soul's ample-pinion,
it lines
-lines an eternity
and you! when the mystery leaves,
become a yesterday.

[amanda_isabel]

some mystery alright, if it were capable of doing all of that :)

the poem is good but i would suggest changing the title, for the sole reason that there are lots of poems by that title and you might want to make your poem stand out... thanks :)

[thechampion]

Great last lines there. Yes, the title is simple. That's all

[ahsiam]

thank you. i am glad that you guys took time to read my poem.
and very much glad that you liked it.:D
about the title......... i actually dont know...... i didnt find any other than that,so........:confused: .........

[symphony]

those last 2 lines rule!

[blazeofglory]

a mystery comes
comes to your wharf;
making all your love buried
it stops you, a love-adept.
and slaves to not your lure
neither keeps a drop of tear to endure.


it floats in your boat,
yet sails with supreme dominion;
drinking all your fragrance and breaking soul's ample-pinion,
it lines
-lines an eternity
and you! when the mystery leaves,
become a yesterday.

You spoke the language of the cosmos.

Pains, love, hate, joys, sorrows, passions, humanity are the worlds we earthlings make massive use of. In eternity there is no demarcation between love and hate. All are integrated into one whole and everything is merged and submerged into God, into void, into chaos or into nothingness. There will be a stretch of nothingness, vastness, and infinities.

This realization is Buddha Nature and indeed with your poem you are already on the threshold of Nirvana or heading for it.

[ShadowID]

a mystery comes
comes to your wharf;
making all your love buried
it stops you, a love-adept.
and slaves to not your lure
neither keeps a drop of tear to endure.


it floats in your boat,
yet sails with supreme dominion;
drinking all your fragrance and breaking soul's ample-pinion,
it lines
-lines an eternity
and you! when the mystery leaves,
become a yesterday.

Ooo. I like the poem. I'm new here so I don't know much.

I just have a few questions about the choices you've made in the poem.

1) You made some interesting choices with your capitalization. Your poem starts with a lower case a. After the period on line 4, you start line 5 with a lower case as well. In fact, all the letters are lower case! Does this support the effect of your poem?
2) The third line of the second stanza is much longer than the other. It juts out quite a bit. Did you want this for any particular reason?
3) There is a dash on the 5th line in your 2nd stanza before the word "lines". Is there a reason for this?

I'm just curious as to your choices. I'm always interested with why people choose the words, punctuation, rythm, etc. over others. It allows me to analyze the choices I make in my poems.

Again, I really like your poem. Thanks :thumbs_up

[ahsiam]

You spoke the language of the cosmos.

Pains, love, hate, joys, sorrows, passions, humanity are the worlds we earthlings make massive use of. In eternity there is no demarcation between love and hate. All are integrated into one whole and everything is merged and submerged into God, into void, into chaos or into nothingness. There will be a stretch of nothingness, vastness, and infinities.

This realization is Buddha Nature and indeed with your poem you are already on the threshold of Nirvana or heading for it.

i think you like my poem.is that so? thank you so much,i'm suppppppper glad :D
and about nirvana i'm not even close.
you must be kidding,:blush:

[ahsiam]

Ooo. I like the poem. I'm new here so I don't know much.

I just have a few questions about the choices you've made in the poem.

1) You made some interesting choices with your capitalization. Your poem starts with a lower case a. After the period on line 4, you start line 5 with a lower case as well. In fact, all the letters are lower case! Does this support the effect of your poem?
2) The third line of the second stanza is much longer than the other. It juts out quite a bit. Did you want this for any particular reason?
3) There is a dash on the 5th line in your 2nd stanza before the word "lines". Is there a reason for this?

I'm just curious as to your choices. I'm always interested with why people choose the words, punctuation, rythm, etc. over others. It allows me to analyze the choices I make in my poems.

Again, I really like your poem. Thanks :thumbs_up

you are most welcome, shadow.(mysterious name!:p )
its fine to be curious, i like it too.
and about your questions, i like them all. :)

1)its one of my styles. i like to do it. infact i did it with each of my poem(i think) so it really doesn't effect the poem.

2)no, there is no particular reason behind it.

3)yes there is. the two lines are connected to each other. second line is like a continuation of the first.

well......that is it.

thank you very much for liking the poem. and welcome to lit-net. i hope you are enjoying.:)

[ahsiam]

those last 2 lines rule!

thank you, symph. :D

[scarlet pain]

i just came here to write you a comment.i love the poem like i told you in person.i feel as tender as you are; i meant age, you have achieved some great philosophey of your own.and no wonder that came out in beautiful disciplined words.did i sound military?

[gothic]

First,let me say something about the title,you seemed a bit worried about that.two of the readers suggested to change it,it seemed cliche to them,as it normally would.I think,if that's how you want to put it,let it be! why hesitate,friend? It's poetry,it's the only field of freedom you've got! So, "Hakuna Matata"!

And then about the poem. I guess I quite put you down being rather silent about the poem earlier.Do I really need to say that you have put the timeless philosophy into words with an ethereal mood and deeper vision? I don't think so(but now that I've already said it...):)

It's great to see one of my friends voyaging through the boundless ocean,who will,I'm sure,one day reach the fabled shores.

Never refrain from this voyage.

[ahsiam]

i just came here to write you a comment.i love the poem like i told you in person.i feel as tender as you are; i meant age, you have achieved some great philosophey of your own.and no wonder that came out in beautiful disciplined words.did i sound military?

no, scarlet you didnt sound miliary. and thank you very much for loving my poem.:D

[ahsiam]

First,let me say something about the title,you seemed a bit worried about that.two of the readers suggested to change it,it seemed cliche to them,as it normally would.I think,if that's how you want to put it,let it be! why hesitate,friend? It's poetry,it's the only field of freedom you've got! So, "Hakuna Matata"!

And then about the poem. I guess I quite put you down being rather silent about the poem earlier.Do I really need to say that you have put the timeless philosophy into words with an ethereal mood and deeper vision? I don't think so(but now that I've already said it...):)

It's great to see one of my friends voyaging through the boundless ocean,who will,I'm sure,one day reach the fabled shores.

Never refrain from this voyage.

yeh thats the thing i always think "hakuna matata" :)
are shala tui to amare akashe uthai dili. akhone nambo kambay?!
whatever thank you for inspiring me and for being with me always.:)