This Is Not A Love Poem

[jon1jt]

distant waves crash into mountains,
and I'm walking on the air of the air that is fresh.
This is not a love poem,
this is about you. :p

[firefangled]

Well we can't say you didn't warn us with the epigram, title and the first line that that we were going to dance around "something," or this was a box of ambiguities. And if love is not first ambiguous, it is none of it's other attributes.

These to me were astounding:


And since the world's/ending, let your children touch paintings.

and

I write/about real people when I know it's best to leave them to dreams.


And the last line, for me, might as well have said, "lovers have the right to love."

I think I have said before, your poems are difficult to read, because they come to the reader at an angle. For me, it's an interesting angle.

I like it!

[Pensive]

The one thing that can solve most of our problems is dancing.
--James Brown

I certainly second this. :p

[jon1jt]

Well we can't say you didn't warn us with the epigram, title and the first line that that we were going to dance around "something," or this was a box of ambiguities. And if love is not first ambiguous, it is none of it's other attributes.

These to me were astounding:



And the last line, for me, might as well have said, "lovers have the right to love."

I think I have said before, your poems are difficult to read, because they come to the reader at an angle. For me, it's an interesting angle.

I like it!


Hey thanks fire for reading. It's an interesting point about the difficulty of my poems. I'm glad you're patient with reading them and detecting that "angle." I appreciate that. Your work also tends to 'burrow' into its subject and there's normally more than meets the eye. There's a tendency in readers (not all) to read poetry the same way they watch a sitcom. Ugh.

These days I'm motivated by my contemporary favorites like Chad Sweeney and Alex Davis, whose work reflects the basis of a new poetic language.



Alex Davis:

I had six surfaces with in
lit, for closing
(I)together (to light.) with out
born he in straw, I can see never the less a star, am the
limn of the atmosphere the beacon lightning. is what I am in
& from...

I actually like your ending better for my poem, especially given the object of the poem is, if there is one, love.

Thanks a bunch, fire.

Thanks Pensive. That quote is not mine, it's James Brown, I came across it in a magazine. Fire was dead on about its function for my poem.

[Pendragon]

Nice one John. The poem wove like a narration with pictures flashing by as the narrator delivers the poem, maybe like John Constintine, always a silk cut smoldering in his mouth or hand. I dislike the use of the F word in the poem, but it fits in with my interpretation, for John Constintine would get that word off sooner of later on deepest Cockney.

If you're unfamiliar, Constatine is the occult detective, rescued from hell after killing himself, and helped by Gabriel who is fighting for a cause of his/her own. He is a powerful magician, able to fight demons and even face Satan. He is dying from lung cancer, until Satan heals him to keep him from going to Heaven when he makes the supreme sacrifice, himself for another soul.

I am a geek!

Pen

[motherhubbard]

This is so wonderful, the way to moves so freely from present to past to present and all in between catching glimpses along the way. This is how I think , but I could never give voice to these thoughts. I think the circle would be broken or be to far around to make any real connection. But I do believe that miniscule things have a strange way of touching other little tidbits to create a string that runs through our lives. I think we all have our own string and that it defines us. I’ve read several of your poems and I really love them. This is one I’ll come back to again.

[ampoule]

so many powerful things here, for me...take my face, I have others...let your children touch paintings...wow.

[kiz_paws]

I like this poem very much, you have used some really great phrases that will stick with me


Take my face I have others

face above mine like a beautiful question

The past needs no one


And since the world's ending, let your children touch paintings
I also liked your touch regarding a quote from James Brown preluding the verses to follow. Nice! :)

[AuntShecky]

Some selected lines in this definitely do sing; however, I would make some minor changes:
1. Every verb should be active (since you are talking about
dancing.) For instance, " that's been paused")
2. You could add a more terpsichordean dimension by
making the lines more rhythmical.

[jon1jt]

Hey thanks Pen for that about Constintine...I see what you mean about the 'F' word, good point. And hey, I'd like to think that we're all geeks...cool geeks! :lol: Motherhubbard, I had the "string" in mind the whole time writing this. You picked up on that, great eye, wow. Fire/Ampoule/Kiz-I'm really glad you like the line, 'let children touch paintings.' To touch a painting, or any visual art for that matter, is such a violation of the artform. Aunty--I agree about the tense, I will change it, thanks. I'll see what I can do about the rhythm.