Are you Selfish?

[Lote-Tree]

No. Not Shell Fish! :D



Definition:
concerned chiefly or only with yourself and your advantage to the exclusion of others.


I have met many selfish people in my life, and I don't normally have problem with them because they don't interest me and they usually stay clear of me. But there some people you can't avoid off course if these people tend to be family members or relations. Again it's not their individual selfishness that I have problem with but the effects of their selfishness that it has on others. The pain and the heartache that they cause to others.

I guess we are selfish to some extent. But do we know if we are being selfish? And will a selfish person ever admit it?

1. I am selfish and proud of it :D
2. I am selfish but I am not going to admit it :D
3. I am not sure if I am selfish or not.
4. I know I am sometimes selfish.
5. I am selfish most of the time.
6. I can be selfish but choose not to be.
7. I am never selfish.
8. I want to be selfish :-)
9. Other...Specify?

[crazefest456]

5) I feel like I am too selfish because whenever I talk about something, I refer to myself too much-- that everyone else's world becomes a part of mine. I hardly think of the other person, where they're coming from, etc...
Working on this weakness of mine <---you see that? it's so difficult!

[LadyW]

6.) I will not lie to myself and any other by claiming I am never selfish. I believe everyone is at some point but it doesn't mean they are a bad person. I try my hardest not to be selfish and most of the time, putting others first comes naturally. I do sometimes catch myself acting in a selfish way but do recognize it and feel bad for it afterwards.

[Oniw17]

I'm not stingy, but I am rather selfish.

[muhsin]

6) Thats my choice.

[Pensive]

Yes. Very selfish. Why shouldn't I be being a great self as I am? :p

[symphony]

I always say I'm very me-ish. Now, the word "me" is almost synonymous to "self", so does that make me selfish? :D

Uhm no seriously...uhm...

The answer depends on whether i'm in an ice cream parlour.

[michael336]

I'm kind of a people-pleaser, on the verge of being a doormat. However, that in itself is a type of selfishness...

[Pensive]

I'm kind of a people-pleaser, on the verge of being a doormat. However, that in itself is a type of selfishness...

Exactly. On pleasing others, if our self gets satisfied, this shows that we are selfish. :p Personally, I have never met an unselfish person... But the poll here indicates there are some people who consider themselves to be unselfish. I wonder who they are! So umm unselfish lot, would you reveal yourself to us! :p

[symphony]

Personally, I have never met an unselfish person...

Agree. Agree.

[bazarov]

I am unselfish! Who asks? :lol:

[blazeofglory]

Everyone is selfish and unselfish too. Hardly can we come across a person who is not constituted of it.

At times we characterize kind of unselfish demeanors and sometimes totally selfish.

Aren't you too?

[karo]

....as long as it doesn't interfere with my plans. Hey! That makes me as selflish as they come!

[bazarov]

....as long as it doesn't interfere with my plans. Hey! That makes me as selflish as they come!

Helping someone and making wrong to yourself in same moment doesn't mean that you're not selfish; it means that you are stupid!

[Petrarch's Love]

I am human. Ergo, I am selfish. I try as much as possible to think of other peoples' points of view...but sometimes chocolate is involved. :D

[Lote-Tree]

I am human. Ergo, I am selfish.


But Pet, is it possible to live a completely unselfish life?

[Pensive]

But Pet, is it possible to live a completely unselfish life?

Am not Petratch, but couldn't resist jumping in.

Well yes, I think it's possible, but probably it would be a life where you would have no choice, you would be forced to do what you don't want to do, what you don't desire at all. That would be an unselfish life I think. Doesn't sound too nice to me...

[Lote-Tree]

Am not Petratch, but couldn't resist jumping in.

Well yes, I think it's possible, but probably it would be a life where you would have no choice, you would be forced to do what you don't want to do, what you don't desire at all. That would be an unselfish life I think. Doesn't sound too nice to me...

So Pensy you think you can't live a unselfish/egoless existence without losing your self-dignity?

[Pensive]

So Pensy you think you can't live a unselfish/egoless existence without losing your self-dignity?

No. You can. If you are forced to do something your self doesn't approve of, there is probably nothing you can do about it, if you have no other choice. I don't see how that would lower one's own self in her/his eyes.

But all I mean to say is that when a person apparently cares about others and puts other people's needs before his, he doesn't have to be unselfish as he is doing it for satisfaction of his own...

[Lote-Tree]

But all I mean to say is that when a person apparently cares about others and puts other people's needs before his, he doesn't have to be unselfish as he is doing it for satisfaction of his own...

So you think there is no such thing as Altruism Pensy?

[Pensive]

So you think there is no such thing as Altruism Pensy?

Yes.

It seems to me that humans have always been concerned chiefly with their own interests, even if those interests revolve around the safety and good being of other people.

[Koa]

I am definitely selfish. I don't talk too much about myself, just a normal amount, but that's not selfishness, that' being self-centred, and vain, which is slightly different. being selfish is acting for your own good, not talking about yourself.

A lot of things done for altruism are, in fact, done for ultimate selfishness, as Pensy said. People sometimes think I do things to help them, and well even if I do help them, I do it maybe to rest my conscience or because something in me tells me to do that, that is ultimately for myself, not for them.

[Petrarch's Love]

But Pet, is it possible to live a completely unselfish life?

I think it is possible to come close, and important to try. I think we need to define these degrees of selfishness that have been bouncing around though. I agree with Koa, that selfishness is about acts rather than about talk. Talking about yourself too much can be a symptom of the person who is selfish, but this is not always true. Also, I think Pensy is suggesting that leading an unselfish life would in some way entail being forced what you do not want to do. I think if it is something enforced against the will of the person doing it, then it does not qualify as an altruistic act. To be truly unselfish an act must be accordant with the choice and will of the person performing it. By this I don't mean that it's what the person would necessarily like to do, but that the person is doing it willingly for the sake of others as opposed to being forced into it.

This brings us to a gray area regarding when an act for the sake of others counts. One might ask, for example, following Pensy's post, whether someone who is forced in some way to help others should get credit (perhaps a teenager being dragged by his mom to do volunteer work, or a guy who's assigned to do community service as part of his criminal sentence). As I say above, I don't believe enforced acts to help others count as selfless acts at all, but they do in fact help people all the same. It is also possible that forcing people to help others will awaken a spirit of selflessness within them in some cases and thus lessen the selfishness of their actions (this is clearly the goal in both the cases I mentioned above).

This brings us to the second, and more nuanced gray area question that Koa brought up. That is, what if what appear to be selfless or altruistic acts are merely another kind of selfishness? The world being what it is, I think it's important to give people a huge amount of credit for acting for the sake of others without any pay off other than an inner feeling of satisfaction. I think that instances in which there is no kind of pay off at all for a kind act must be rare indeed, and I think that level of unselfishness is probably impossible for most people to attain on a regular basis. Of course there are all sorts of degrees of inner "pay off." Acting to assuage your own guilt is probably less altruistic than acting for the pleasure one derives from seeing others happy. Acting in hope of gratitude can range from being dangerously close to wanting to exercise control over someone by having them in your debt to a more innocent desire to receive thanks from someone you love for the happiness you have brought them by something you've done. On some level I doubt that it is even entirely desirable to perform an act of selflessness with absolutely no inner reward. Usually it seems to me that the reward for a truly altruistic act is a feeling of love toward others and of pleasure in seeing the pleasure of others. Though on some level these feelings might still be seen as a pay back in that they please the self, they also are what spur us on to perform more altruistic acts. The overwhelming majority of human beings are not consistently at that highly refined level of altruism anyway, though, so we really are normally choosing between degrees of selfishness ranging from blatant selfish acts for external rewards to selfless acts that produce the private inner reward of joy in another's joy. So I guess I would say that I'm not sure that one can lead a completely unselfish life, but there are certainly those who lead a less selfish life.

[Virgil]

Everyone is selfish and unselfish too. Hardly can we come across a person who is not constituted of it.

At times we characterize kind of unselfish demeanors and sometimes totally selfish.

Aren't you too?


I am human. Ergo, I am selfish. I try as much as possible to think of other peoples' points of view...but sometimes chocolate is involved. :D

I think Blaze and Petrarch said it well.

I was going to vote for number one, selfish and proud of it, but then I realized how many unselfish things I do so I couldn't be definitively selfish. I voted for "4. I know I am sometimes selfish."

I don't think there is anything wrong with being selfish, but one has to consider others too.

[Bakiryu]

even if I don't act selfishly, I know I am. I just seem like I'm not.'

see how many times I used the words I in this? selfish, selfish.

[NickAdams]

I'm not Ayn Rand, but my happiness comes first. I might sacrifice here and there, but I want to make sure I can get everything possible out of my existence and I'm the only one who can, or would care enough to see that it happens.

[livelaughlove]

Yeah, I think everyone has their selfish and their non-selfish moments. I get extreme pleasure out of pleasing people and being kind, and I guess this can be a kind of selfishness as well because it does make me feel better about myself.

[Granny5]

I believe that the original sin is selfishness and that all babies are born selfish or they wouldn't survive. We learn to not be as selfish and think of others as we grow up. (at least most of us do) But like most women and mothers, I usually put the needs and wants of my family before my more selfish wants and needs. So I wish I could be more selfish than I am. But the thoughts are there so I guess that if it's the thought that counts, then I am very selfish.

[Koa]

even if I don't act selfishly, I know I am. I just seem like I'm not.'

see how many times I used the words I in this? selfish, selfish.

Nooo-oh! Saying "I" is being self-centred, not selfish. Selfish is doing things for yourself, not wanting attention on yourself.

Btw I voted "I am selfish most of the time".

[B-Mental]

I am absolutely unselfish...it really isn't that bad of a way to be...I share everything, and only keep what I think I really need...the less greed you have the more wealth you acquire...of course it only comes in friends, smiles, laughter, and happiness...must be a bummer to be selfish.

[Lote-Tree]

It seems to me that humans have always been concerned chiefly with their own interests, even if those interests revolve around the safety and good being of other people.

What about the Prophets? Mystics and Sages like Buddha - they too?

[Lote-Tree]

I think it is possible to come close, and important to try.


Ah good. I am glad you think so :D



I think we need to define these degrees of selfishness that have been bouncing around though.


I have given a definition at that start - what do you think of that?



By this I don't mean that it's what the person would necessarily like to do, but that the person is doing it willingly for the sake of others as opposed to being forced into it.


Yes being forced to do it would not be altruistic like being forced to pay taxes - although it has altruistic benefit to others.



That is, what if what appear to be selfless or altruistic acts are merely another kind of selfishness?


I think this is the important question!

Is finding joy in helping others merely selfish? or it's an effect of altruism?

[Virgil]

I believe that the original sin is selfishness and that all babies are born selfish or they wouldn't survive. We learn to not be as selfish and think of others as we grow up. (at least most of us do) But like most women and mothers, I usually put the needs and wants of my family before my more selfish wants and needs. So I wish I could be more selfish than I am. But the thoughts are there so I guess that if it's the thought that counts, then I am very selfish.

Wow, that is great insight Granny. Very good post.

[blazeofglory]

Selfishness is something that has to do with survival or else how could go ahead in this rat race without knocking down impending sorts?

[Bakiryu]

Nooo-oh! Saying "I" is being self-centred, not selfish. Selfish is doing things for yourself, not wanting attention on yourself.

Btw I voted "I am selfish most of the time".

really? I thought thinking about about yourself was selfish. that's why I avoid is as much as i can.

I voted "I am selfish but I am not going to admit it"

[Pensive]

What about the Prophets? Mystics and Sages like Buddha - they too?

If they are believed to be human-beings, then why not? Check my last post in this thread:


It seems to me that humans have always been concerned chiefly with their own interests, even if those interests revolve around the safety and good being of other people.