Eclipse

[mazHur]

Eclipse
by mazHur

Numberless stars in the sky
are no match for the sun and the moon;
they only know to twinkle from far away,
with sporadic surges of light;
whereas the Almighty Sun shines with all its glory
in a continuous stream of brightness;
the sun is a power house of its own existence
yet, unlike the remote stars ,it bestows its
light with unparalleled generosity upon the moon,
so that the moon may always keep smiling during nights;
the sun and the moon are like two lovers
which go hand in hand in endearment,
and when filled with the intermixed ecstasy of love,
the sun whispers to the moon and the moon nods
as a token of endearing consonance of self-surrender
and they both swing in ecstasy
imbricate and eclipse.!
All the stars in the galaxy look at the couple with awe and admiration!

[symphony]

the idea's nice, thought it could be put in a better way though.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Lovely, except, I thought, for the "smiling moon". Even though you freely indulge in anthropomorphizing sun moon and stars throughout, the smiling moon is too familiar an image. In fact it'd probably be hard to come up with any way of characterizing the moon which had not already been done too many times to have any fresh effect on us.

[mazHur]

Prince
'smiling moon'',,,,thanks, noted.

Symph.

Ok, let me see how a girl would see the relationship between the sun and the moon,,,,, your point of view as a girl would be deeply appreciated, go ahead !

[AuntShecky]

Good Idea, Maz. Please try to look up and read "The Wandering Angus" by W.B. Yeats. When you see the concluding two lines, you'll know why I referred to it.

[mazHur]

Good Idea, Maz. Please try to look up and read "The Wandering Angus" by W.B. Yeats. When you see the concluding two lines, you'll know why I referred to it.


Aengus is superb ,,!
these lines are so beautiful !

'' And pluck till time and times are done
The silver apples of the moon,
The golden apples of the sun. ''

thanks for your guidance,Aunt.:)

[jon1jt]

I like the subject, mazhur. Your poem is nice, you scratch the surface of that the glory, the brilliance, the generosity and moon nodding, sun whispering, but there's "something" missing, something that doesn't make this YOUR experience because I've heard it all before. That's not to take away from the writing, it's well done.

[Pendragon]

It is a good attempt. I think what you are saying though is that they are in flirtation the Sun slowly drawing the Moon, who is his wife/companion and therefore not really unwilling but teasing into their moment of surrender, in which each gives to the other: This is your eclipse. It is there for one like me perhaps to find, but if you want the world to find your beautiful eclipse, rewrite it according to the steps by which I figured out your meaning.

Pen

[ampoule]

Well, I have to admit that everytime I see Eclipse with your name under it, I begin to hyperventilate......just kidding! It's just that I wrote a poem with the same title in 2002 but posted here on litnet in August. You wanted a woman's perspective so here it is again:

Eclipse

I like a little day time
Mixed into my night time,
The explosion of warmth and light
That comes when the sun's warmth
And the moon's and the star's sparkling light
Embrace each other.
They seem to cling to each other
Suspended in time,
But very slowly they pull apart
And float off into space.
Yes, sweet troubadour, all my life's a circle
And I do know why
Time keeps rolling by.

[mazHur]

It is a good attempt. I think what you are saying though is that they are in flirtation the Sun slowly drawing the Moon, who is his wife/companion and therefore not really unwilling but teasing into their moment of surrender, in which each gives to the other: This is your eclipse. It is there for one like me perhaps to find, but if you want the world to find your beautiful eclipse, rewrite it according to the steps by which I figured out your meaning.

Pen

I deeply appreciate your suggestion,,,,thanks, and will surely try to improve on it

[mazHur]

Eclipse

I like a little day time
Mixed into my night time,
The explosion of warmth and light
That comes when the sun's warmth
And the moon's and the star's sparkling light
Embrace each other.
They seem to cling to each other
Suspended in time,
But very slowly they pull apart
And float off into space.
Yes, sweet troubadour, all my life's a circle
And I do know why
Time keeps rolling by.




it portrays sadness ,,,,,,,,yes, good moments are short-lived .I like women's perspective of eclipse,,,,but, cheer up ''by men's standard of eclipse'',,,,,that's a life of love, ,,,,and surrender:)

[crazefest456]

the separation ampoule's poem addresses isn't too sad; I think it's healthy to have one's own space. It's almost very optimistic about this relationship becoming a cycle, an infinite process, instead of a finite progression...

nice poems, mazhur and ampoule!

[mazHur]

thanks Craze thanks all for your comments

Yes, Amp's poem is not 'too' sad, but made me feel so after I read this line
''all my life's a circle'',,,,beautiful expression of being unsatiated !;)

[crazefest456]

yeah, you're right
the circle's very constricting in a way-- as if womankind is bound to this sort of bond. I'm always split up over diction...

[michael336]

I like the imagery of the sun and moon as lovers, but I would think of them as having a more "long distance" relationship (no pun intended) since they're not always together in the sky at the same time...and the Sun probably never calls the next morning. But I'm sure he sends flowers.
Seriously, I love the notion of the eclipse as not one overpowering the other, but merely an act of "self-surrender." Beautiful work!

[crazefest456]

I like the imagery of the sun and moon as lovers, but I would think of them as having a more "long distance" relationship (no pun intended) since they're not always together in the sky at the same time...

that's true! there is a division between the sun and moon even at the eclipse because both don't really become one entity (astronomically, I mean). They come together in a way that each other's spirit or aura become intertwined...
I love how you can interpret this in a million different ways!