ben.!
12-18-2007, 07:13 AM
Hey everyone! I'm relatively new on here, and wondered what you all thought of my writing! :D
I've posted two of my latest short stories (I write a lot of them!):
Night Train
&
Mind's Eye
Interested to hear what you think of them!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Night Train
The train pulled out of the station, and Robert felt the usual jolt of motion. He stared, watching the darkness and formless shapes jumping from window to window. Home at twelve. Home at twelve. The train gained speed, and before long the clicks and clacks of rail and wheel subsided into a monotonous hum.
Home at twelve. Home at twelve. Home at twelve…
Another jolt, another station. Colours and light flooded the carriage, as Robert saw it was an inner city station, the billboards and neon signs all rapped on the train’s reflection. Robert turned away. The doors closed, and the train began its inevitable move once again.
Robert checked his watch. 11:45pm. Home soon. He dosed off, the last passenger on the train. His station was just before the termination…
He felt weightless. The rails below him glided effortlessly past. We’re flying! How sweet the sound! How sightly the view! I can’t believe it! Night began its silent creep into the carriage, as the lights went out.
The driver had to keep on track. Focus. For it is needed. He changed gears, crunching the stick down a few notches. Carriages behind dragged on the speed, slowing the train. Station’s coming up. He made an announcement on the intercom of the station, and then checked the security cameras to see who was still on the train. One left.
Julian felt something. On instinct, he swivelled in his chair, and that was when he bumped the lights’ switch.
The train was plunged into pitch darkness.
Robert awoke, and he felt a distinct presence in the carriage with him.
“Hello…?” He said, as his eyes grew focused. Something sat in the seat next to him.
Silence. The head turned. Then something spoke.
“…Home at twelve, you said?”
-----------------------------------
Mind's Eye
Peter drove the car onwards. He didn’t care anymore. The road seemed to stretch in the night, an endless, boundless tar track to which there was no end. The lights played tricks on him, falling over his face every now and again, making obscure shapes across his forehead as they passed. The radio pumped out ‘Mind’s Eye’ by Wolfmother at full pelt. Peter loved it, he hummed along to the tune and drummed the rhythm out on the steering wheel.
When the time is right and the night is bright…
He looked at the mobile phone, down in the seat next to him. I should really call. He tried to keep his eyes on the road, but they always seemed to veer off to that little voice to the outside world, the world outside of him and his vehicle.
Janie would like to know how he was going. He knew that much. What she wouldn’t know, is that he’s officially driving himself out further and further out of her life. It felt good, like a load off his shoulders.
We will see the things we've come to find…
It felt as if Janie was seated in the seat next to him, watching…waiting, to see what he did.
Janie this, Janie that.
Her annoying voice just could not leave his mind alone. How are you going, Peter? Well? Good? Okay? Oh, you’re not going ‘okay’ are you? That’s no good.
– You’re good? That’s good to know! I love it when you’re good! It means I feel good too!
God. Shut up, woman! Peter attempted to keep his head focused on the road. The occasional bush came into the headlights on each side of the road…the silhouetted branches of a tree; he was passing through rough outback now. The car in front, the two red dots seem to shiver and shake with the beam of light highlighting them. But Peter knew it was just the bumps in the road.
I've been searching for just a little more…
The mobile’s infamous tune began its definite polyphonic sound. Not now. Peter did not even look down; he just kept his eyes on the road.
Though the days, girl, just slip away…
It kept ringing. Peter put his foot on the accelerator. The sound didn’t get drowned out by the revs. This was torture. Must not – can not! Peter looked down. ‘Janie’ was clearly printed on the phone’s little slime green screen. He tore his eyes away from the hell manifesting itself on that phone, and back up onto the road.
The night sky opened out in front of the windscreen as he looked up, the stars blinking and whispering to each other in the night, the moon casting its face down upon him and all the sky. The starry night sky…it’s so…beautiful.
The sounds of the phone died out. Peace reigned over Peter once more.
And the red sunset that we just met…
He thought he was seeing things. His eyes were so tired, after all this time of driving. Need to keep going. She’ll seek me out. She always does. Peter put a thumb and forefinger on the bridge of his nose, rubbing the inside edges of his eyes.
I can see forever…
He could see something up ahead. A sign in the middle of the road. As the car drew near, he could make out on it white-painted letters.
Dead End.
The road just seemed to end. Peter stared in disbelief as the sign came closer and closer, and the road became shorter and shorter as a result.
When the road ended, he pulled into the side of the road, and got out.
Come and see the Mind's Eye…
The music kept going, even though he had turned the engine off. Strange, Peter thought to himself. That shouldn’t happen.
(or is it just my Mind's Eye?)
We can find it if we try…
He scanned the landscape. There were no cars. No emergency phone on the side of the road. He glanced back at his phone through the window. His eyes saw, where the phone had been, an empty seat. ****.
He got back in his car, and began to climb over the seats in a desperate search. He checked under the seats, over them, the glove compartment (even though he knew it had been on the seat the whole time). He had no torch to search under the seats. It was useless and futile, even with the car-light on.
All the time the music played in his ear, the lead seeming to sing at the top of his lungs.
Come and see the Mind's Eye…
He gave up on trying to find the mobile phone, and climbed back out of the car, looking out into the night, Peter sighed, and slid down the car-door, onto the dirt.
She’ll never find me here. She’ll never find me here.
Transfixed upon the why…
But even in the night he did not find solace. He was tired, dead tired, but he knew that without help, he would not survive long out here. He had not brought food, or water, all he had was his wallet…not much good in the outback.
Come and see the Mind’s Eye…
Peter, unable to control himself, slipped off into a long, deep sleep.
We can find it if we try - !
It was the keyboard solo that awoke him. He loved that part in ‘Mind’s Eye’, it was so…psychedelic.
Peter found himself, suddenly on the road, his car veering to the right. The light blinded him. He felt himself jar, as the car’s bonnet crumpled up.
She’ll never find me here, was all he could think, as the truck ploughed him down, and his head hit the windscreen.
She’ll never find me here…
Somewhere far off, under a ripped and torn leather seat, a mobile phone began to vibrate with a definite polyphonic tune.
...or it may have just been his Mind’s Eye.
Lyrics used: Mind's Eye by Wolfmother
I've posted two of my latest short stories (I write a lot of them!):
Night Train
&
Mind's Eye
Interested to hear what you think of them!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Night Train
The train pulled out of the station, and Robert felt the usual jolt of motion. He stared, watching the darkness and formless shapes jumping from window to window. Home at twelve. Home at twelve. The train gained speed, and before long the clicks and clacks of rail and wheel subsided into a monotonous hum.
Home at twelve. Home at twelve. Home at twelve…
Another jolt, another station. Colours and light flooded the carriage, as Robert saw it was an inner city station, the billboards and neon signs all rapped on the train’s reflection. Robert turned away. The doors closed, and the train began its inevitable move once again.
Robert checked his watch. 11:45pm. Home soon. He dosed off, the last passenger on the train. His station was just before the termination…
He felt weightless. The rails below him glided effortlessly past. We’re flying! How sweet the sound! How sightly the view! I can’t believe it! Night began its silent creep into the carriage, as the lights went out.
The driver had to keep on track. Focus. For it is needed. He changed gears, crunching the stick down a few notches. Carriages behind dragged on the speed, slowing the train. Station’s coming up. He made an announcement on the intercom of the station, and then checked the security cameras to see who was still on the train. One left.
Julian felt something. On instinct, he swivelled in his chair, and that was when he bumped the lights’ switch.
The train was plunged into pitch darkness.
Robert awoke, and he felt a distinct presence in the carriage with him.
“Hello…?” He said, as his eyes grew focused. Something sat in the seat next to him.
Silence. The head turned. Then something spoke.
“…Home at twelve, you said?”
-----------------------------------
Mind's Eye
Peter drove the car onwards. He didn’t care anymore. The road seemed to stretch in the night, an endless, boundless tar track to which there was no end. The lights played tricks on him, falling over his face every now and again, making obscure shapes across his forehead as they passed. The radio pumped out ‘Mind’s Eye’ by Wolfmother at full pelt. Peter loved it, he hummed along to the tune and drummed the rhythm out on the steering wheel.
When the time is right and the night is bright…
He looked at the mobile phone, down in the seat next to him. I should really call. He tried to keep his eyes on the road, but they always seemed to veer off to that little voice to the outside world, the world outside of him and his vehicle.
Janie would like to know how he was going. He knew that much. What she wouldn’t know, is that he’s officially driving himself out further and further out of her life. It felt good, like a load off his shoulders.
We will see the things we've come to find…
It felt as if Janie was seated in the seat next to him, watching…waiting, to see what he did.
Janie this, Janie that.
Her annoying voice just could not leave his mind alone. How are you going, Peter? Well? Good? Okay? Oh, you’re not going ‘okay’ are you? That’s no good.
– You’re good? That’s good to know! I love it when you’re good! It means I feel good too!
God. Shut up, woman! Peter attempted to keep his head focused on the road. The occasional bush came into the headlights on each side of the road…the silhouetted branches of a tree; he was passing through rough outback now. The car in front, the two red dots seem to shiver and shake with the beam of light highlighting them. But Peter knew it was just the bumps in the road.
I've been searching for just a little more…
The mobile’s infamous tune began its definite polyphonic sound. Not now. Peter did not even look down; he just kept his eyes on the road.
Though the days, girl, just slip away…
It kept ringing. Peter put his foot on the accelerator. The sound didn’t get drowned out by the revs. This was torture. Must not – can not! Peter looked down. ‘Janie’ was clearly printed on the phone’s little slime green screen. He tore his eyes away from the hell manifesting itself on that phone, and back up onto the road.
The night sky opened out in front of the windscreen as he looked up, the stars blinking and whispering to each other in the night, the moon casting its face down upon him and all the sky. The starry night sky…it’s so…beautiful.
The sounds of the phone died out. Peace reigned over Peter once more.
And the red sunset that we just met…
He thought he was seeing things. His eyes were so tired, after all this time of driving. Need to keep going. She’ll seek me out. She always does. Peter put a thumb and forefinger on the bridge of his nose, rubbing the inside edges of his eyes.
I can see forever…
He could see something up ahead. A sign in the middle of the road. As the car drew near, he could make out on it white-painted letters.
Dead End.
The road just seemed to end. Peter stared in disbelief as the sign came closer and closer, and the road became shorter and shorter as a result.
When the road ended, he pulled into the side of the road, and got out.
Come and see the Mind's Eye…
The music kept going, even though he had turned the engine off. Strange, Peter thought to himself. That shouldn’t happen.
(or is it just my Mind's Eye?)
We can find it if we try…
He scanned the landscape. There were no cars. No emergency phone on the side of the road. He glanced back at his phone through the window. His eyes saw, where the phone had been, an empty seat. ****.
He got back in his car, and began to climb over the seats in a desperate search. He checked under the seats, over them, the glove compartment (even though he knew it had been on the seat the whole time). He had no torch to search under the seats. It was useless and futile, even with the car-light on.
All the time the music played in his ear, the lead seeming to sing at the top of his lungs.
Come and see the Mind's Eye…
He gave up on trying to find the mobile phone, and climbed back out of the car, looking out into the night, Peter sighed, and slid down the car-door, onto the dirt.
She’ll never find me here. She’ll never find me here.
Transfixed upon the why…
But even in the night he did not find solace. He was tired, dead tired, but he knew that without help, he would not survive long out here. He had not brought food, or water, all he had was his wallet…not much good in the outback.
Come and see the Mind’s Eye…
Peter, unable to control himself, slipped off into a long, deep sleep.
We can find it if we try - !
It was the keyboard solo that awoke him. He loved that part in ‘Mind’s Eye’, it was so…psychedelic.
Peter found himself, suddenly on the road, his car veering to the right. The light blinded him. He felt himself jar, as the car’s bonnet crumpled up.
She’ll never find me here, was all he could think, as the truck ploughed him down, and his head hit the windscreen.
She’ll never find me here…
Somewhere far off, under a ripped and torn leather seat, a mobile phone began to vibrate with a definite polyphonic tune.
...or it may have just been his Mind’s Eye.
Lyrics used: Mind's Eye by Wolfmother