maimed_observer
12-17-2007, 03:20 PM
Many nights he lay in bed awake, while thoughts drifted into his mind, then back out, into the dark recesses of the room.
Tonight's thoughts were born from the stimulating book he had put away nearly an hour ago.
Struggling to finish one last chapter, lids heavy, ready for slumber, he placed it over reflected moonlight upon the black nightstand.
He closed his eyes, let his body relax, melting into the mattress, yet remained awake, as thoughts drifted into his mind...
"Has anyone ever laughed to death? Is that even possible? Can I search the internet for proof that this has occurred? It seems to me that laughter is the liveliest expression a human can make. The opposite of death. You may laugh so hard your stomach begins to hurt and your breath becomes short, but you feel invincibility underneath that pain. Like the time in the elementary school cafeteria. When some kid said, 'Watch this,' real ominously before pulling out that packet of horseradish from his Lunchables. The packet that every other kid made a comment about due to it's inconceivable and disgusting existence within this plastic tray of crackers, meat and cheese. The packet that remained in the empty plastic tray after its neighbor the mint was removed and consumed. The packet that remained in the empty plastic tray when it was dropped into the trash after the bell rang to end lunch. 'Watch this,' he said real ominously while looking into the eyes of the surrounding kids. We all watched as he removed the packet from the plastic tray along with the mint. He removed the mint from its wrapping and held it in one hand. He put the horseradish packet between the index and thumb of his other hand. The hands slowly moved towards each other. Elementary eyes grew wide. Then the packet was squeezed and kids gasped at the site of the strange viscous condiment flowing out onto the mint. Onto the mint. He squeezed every last bit of it onto the mint. The empty horseradish packet went back into the empty plastic tray. The mint went into the kid's mouth. Shrieks and laughter came from the witnesses. I held my stomach and shook with laughter. Tears filled my eyes. I laughed so hard I didn't make a sound. I laughed so hard I could barely breathe. I laughed so hard I thought I was going to die. But I didn't."
...then back out into the dark recesses of the room.
He shifted in the bed knowing its futility. Upon his side, he looked at the black nightstand. The clock showed the time that has passed, as thoughts drifted into his mind...
"Unopened horseradish packets piling up in landfills. Maybe someone collected them. Maybe someone collected them until they had enough packets. Enough packets to create a structure. The Watts Towers of Horseradish. Packets of horseradish piled up hundreds of feet high in an open field in some small town of the Midwest. Some small town of the Midwest that has an insane museum or monument that is their only claim to fame. A museum or monument to bring tourist dollars to their small town. 'Come see The Horseradish Hotel' on a welcome sign to some small town of the Midwest. But what if no one took up the noble effort of horseradish packet collection? What if the packets just slowly disintegrated in the stink heat of a landfill? In 20 years there's a tiny blurb in the news about the dying condiment, Horseradish. Suddenly there's renewed interest in the dying condiment. People stock up on overpriced containers. In 40 years there's another blurb in the news about the endangered condiment, Horseradish. People stock up on ridiculously overpriced containers. But now there are massive lines in every condiment aisle in every supermarket in every city. The news blurb says, 'shortage,' now. People remember all the times they threw their packets of horseradish away along with the empty plastic Lunchables tray. People remember all the times they could have enjoyed the endangered condiment, Horseradish. In 50 years, horseradish is back and booming. You make a sandwich for your grandson in the kitchen of your condo. He asks you about 'The Great Horseradish Shortage', while you spread some upon the sandwich. You explain the media craze and the massive lines. Then he interrupts to tell you a joke. One of those nonsense jokes kids make up and tell you. One of those nonsense jokes that makes you laugh. Laugh so hard you shake. So hard you don't make a sound. So hard you can barely breathe. But you’re not so invincible anymore. You drop to the kitchen floor of your condo. The kitchen floor of your condo on the moon."
...then back out into the dark recesses of the room.
He let out a quiet laugh in his bed before shifting again, as thoughts drifted into his mind...
Tonight's thoughts were born from the stimulating book he had put away nearly an hour ago.
Struggling to finish one last chapter, lids heavy, ready for slumber, he placed it over reflected moonlight upon the black nightstand.
He closed his eyes, let his body relax, melting into the mattress, yet remained awake, as thoughts drifted into his mind...
"Has anyone ever laughed to death? Is that even possible? Can I search the internet for proof that this has occurred? It seems to me that laughter is the liveliest expression a human can make. The opposite of death. You may laugh so hard your stomach begins to hurt and your breath becomes short, but you feel invincibility underneath that pain. Like the time in the elementary school cafeteria. When some kid said, 'Watch this,' real ominously before pulling out that packet of horseradish from his Lunchables. The packet that every other kid made a comment about due to it's inconceivable and disgusting existence within this plastic tray of crackers, meat and cheese. The packet that remained in the empty plastic tray after its neighbor the mint was removed and consumed. The packet that remained in the empty plastic tray when it was dropped into the trash after the bell rang to end lunch. 'Watch this,' he said real ominously while looking into the eyes of the surrounding kids. We all watched as he removed the packet from the plastic tray along with the mint. He removed the mint from its wrapping and held it in one hand. He put the horseradish packet between the index and thumb of his other hand. The hands slowly moved towards each other. Elementary eyes grew wide. Then the packet was squeezed and kids gasped at the site of the strange viscous condiment flowing out onto the mint. Onto the mint. He squeezed every last bit of it onto the mint. The empty horseradish packet went back into the empty plastic tray. The mint went into the kid's mouth. Shrieks and laughter came from the witnesses. I held my stomach and shook with laughter. Tears filled my eyes. I laughed so hard I didn't make a sound. I laughed so hard I could barely breathe. I laughed so hard I thought I was going to die. But I didn't."
...then back out into the dark recesses of the room.
He shifted in the bed knowing its futility. Upon his side, he looked at the black nightstand. The clock showed the time that has passed, as thoughts drifted into his mind...
"Unopened horseradish packets piling up in landfills. Maybe someone collected them. Maybe someone collected them until they had enough packets. Enough packets to create a structure. The Watts Towers of Horseradish. Packets of horseradish piled up hundreds of feet high in an open field in some small town of the Midwest. Some small town of the Midwest that has an insane museum or monument that is their only claim to fame. A museum or monument to bring tourist dollars to their small town. 'Come see The Horseradish Hotel' on a welcome sign to some small town of the Midwest. But what if no one took up the noble effort of horseradish packet collection? What if the packets just slowly disintegrated in the stink heat of a landfill? In 20 years there's a tiny blurb in the news about the dying condiment, Horseradish. Suddenly there's renewed interest in the dying condiment. People stock up on overpriced containers. In 40 years there's another blurb in the news about the endangered condiment, Horseradish. People stock up on ridiculously overpriced containers. But now there are massive lines in every condiment aisle in every supermarket in every city. The news blurb says, 'shortage,' now. People remember all the times they threw their packets of horseradish away along with the empty plastic Lunchables tray. People remember all the times they could have enjoyed the endangered condiment, Horseradish. In 50 years, horseradish is back and booming. You make a sandwich for your grandson in the kitchen of your condo. He asks you about 'The Great Horseradish Shortage', while you spread some upon the sandwich. You explain the media craze and the massive lines. Then he interrupts to tell you a joke. One of those nonsense jokes kids make up and tell you. One of those nonsense jokes that makes you laugh. Laugh so hard you shake. So hard you don't make a sound. So hard you can barely breathe. But you’re not so invincible anymore. You drop to the kitchen floor of your condo. The kitchen floor of your condo on the moon."
...then back out into the dark recesses of the room.
He let out a quiet laugh in his bed before shifting again, as thoughts drifted into his mind...