Love For Love's Sake ! (revised)

[mazHur]

Love For Love's Sake !
by mazHur


How miserable
One feels when winters don't seem to end,
When autumn in spring's season does life attend,
The heart is left with nothing to enjoy.

When someone adorable
Seems to tickle with love your anxious heart,
But suddenly ditches you and you have but to part,
You feel so unlucky,O lass O boy!

Bargain may seem profitable
But later turns out to be a deadly loss;
Solid speculation melts like the candy floss,
The gravity of earth weighs less than a troy.

Life is said to be a gamble;
Dearer the thing ,the higher the stake;
Fall in love with someone for love's sake
And get a new life, I pray.
__________________

[AuntShecky]

Ah, this is a nice one!

Was there a pun intended with "O Lass" with the word "alas"? If so, it was very, very clever.

Instead of saying "a" troy, (meaning the unit of measurement) could you make it "Troy" -- the city that went to war over the love of a beautiful woman. That would tie in neatly and bring a whole new dimension. (And we'd still think of "troy" as a measure weight as well. A bit of double meaning.)

Again, this was a very pleasing piece of writing!

[mazHur]

No. I didn't have the 'Alas' idea in mind,,,, great, you got it !
'Troy' is not a bad idea ,,,,and could be incorporated.....
thanks for your kind appreciation

a happy Xmas and wishing you great holidays

[PrinceMyshkin]

No. I didn't have the 'Alas' idea in mind,,,, great, you got it !
'Troy' is not a bad idea ,,,,and could be incorporated.....
thanks for your kind appreciation

a happy Xmas and wishing you great holidays

Yes, Aunt Shecky's "Troy" suggestion is a subtle & brilliant one. Although (or because?) this works so deftly throughout, I think you really need to try to do better with that last line, especially since it comes after such a heartfelt, truthful and important one.

[mazHur]

Prince
How about this ??
'' let every day be Valentine day !''

[PrinceMyshkin]

Prince
How about this ??
'' let every day be Valentine day !''

No! That would be bad for several different reasons.

1) I think it already exists in some very sappy, typically manufactured Tin-Pan Alley song;

2) Although "Valentine's Day" may indeed have some sincere meaning to some people, they are not likely to be the sort of people who look for depth or originality in poety;

3) The poem provides one no sense of what Valentine's Day may mean to the writer of the poem so all we can do is bring to it our own, possibly cliched associations: the cute or schmaltzy cards we sent and hoped eagerly to get in elementary or high school; the standard (expected) gifts of chocolates or flowers (preferably roses; MOST prferaby red ones...)