Biggus
12-14-2007, 07:09 AM
Humorous Faith Poetry
CHILDISH PRAYER
When I was a boy I prayed to god
For a new bike for me
Than I realized that god
Doesn’t work like that you see
So I stole one instead
And asked him to forgive me
THE YOUNG MONK AND THE ABBOTT
One day many years in the past
A young monk arrived at a monastery.
To assist other monks with the canon and laws
By making hand written copies
But he notices very quickly
That all of us are copying from copies,
And not from the original texts
So he goes to the Abbott with a query
He tells the Abbott of his concern
That any error in the first copy
No matter how small it may be
Would be duplicated in each subsequent copy
The abbot says to the boy
"We have been doing it for centuries
Copying from the copies
But you have a good point, sonny."
The abbot goes down to the dark caves
To the archives beneath the monastery
where the original manuscripts are held
Kept locked in a vault for safety
Hours go by and nobody sees the abbot
he misses his meals and prayers
The young monk gets worried
And goes to look for him downstairs
He finds him banging his head on a wall
Wailing, "We missed the “R”
His forehead is bloody and bruised
And the boy thinks that will lave a scar
The young monk asks the abbot,
"What's wrong?" why do you create
Crying the Abbott replies,
"The word was Celebrate!!!”
WHAT DO YOU WANT BUD?
I saw a Buddhist monk today
At a hot dog stand
The cook stood at the griddle
Doing his thing
“What can I make you” was his
Gruff demand
The monk replied, “ Make me one
With everything”
DEAR LORD
As to the lord God he was praying
A little boy was overheard saying
By his auntie Irene and Uncle Roy
“If you can’t make me a better boy
Please don't worry about it then
I'm having a good time as I Am." amen
I DON’T BELIEVE IT
The problem is when faith is lost
It isn’t that we believe in nothing
But rather the opposite is true
We start to believe in anything
OUR SARAH
A three-year-old called Sarah
Was reciting the lords prayer
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven
Harold is His name Amen."
FATHER, SON &
A Sunday school teacher asked her class,
"What was the name of Jesus' mother?"
One little child answered proudly "Mary"
The teacher said, “well done very clever”
The teacher then asked another question
"What was the name of Jesus' father?"
A boy called Terry answered "it’s Verge"
the teacher was Confused at the answer
She said, “that’s not the right answer”
Where did you get verge from Terry?"
The boy said, "Well you know everyone
Is always talking about Verge n' Mary
ETERNITY
An atheist was arguing
With holy men
And questioning the existence
Of heaven
One holy man said
That if you are precise
And there is no afterlife
Or any paradise
Its not like you’ll be able
To tell anyone
But if we are right
Then your ****ed son
THE ROAD TO DAMASCUS
A man was walking one night
Down a lane without a light
Thinking that he heard a sound
The man then turned around
Someone jumped him suddenly
And assaulted him violently
Badly beaten and then robbed
He lay in the road and sobbed
Injured for many hours he lay
Many people had passed his way
Only one stopped, not to assist
To take his watch off his wrist
Hours later came a Samaritan
A social worker name of Stan
He was greatly shocked to see
Deeds committed by humanity
“Whoever hit you on the head
Really needs some help,” he said
UPRIGHT CHRISTIANS
The puritans have acted radically
By banning fornicating vertically
Only missionary style resembling
No table ending or knee trembling
What made them take the measure?
To restrict to horizontal pleasure
The theory that they are advancing
Is that the act may lead to dancing
WISE CONFUCIUS
Wise Confucius spoke about his creed
Do not walk behind me for I may not lead
Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow
Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow
Do not walk near me or step in my zone
So just bugger off and leave me alone
THE ASTI
I think I am no ordinary man
Which begins my monologue
I am Dyslexic and an Atheist
But to complete my catalogue
Now I am an Insomniac as well
And I no longer sleep like a log
Instead I now lie awake at night
Wondering if there really is a Dog
OH GOD A WOMAN
I think God must be a Woman
I feel that this I must confide
For a Man would never have put
The male genitals on the outside
SAVED
The Salvation Army tries to perform
The thankless task of social reform
Treading the weary path to glory
Saving poor girls from Iniquity
If they are saving fallen women
I’ve just one thing to say then
When saving girls from Iniquity
Save the red headed one for me
WHY AM I HERE?
If it's true as the Church tells us so
That we are here to help others galore
Then perhaps the Church could tell me
What exactly the others are here for?
REALLY
Reality is that which,
A philosopher might say
When you stop believing in it,
Doesn’t go away
THE ANCIENT ART OF HAPPINESS
My Feng Shui man isn’t very happy
Unless the signs I have misread
But I don’t believe for a second
It’s anything that I have done or said
I think it’s the more likely that he
Got up on the wrong side of the bed
CHILDISH PRAYER
When I was a boy I prayed to god
For a new bike for me
Than I realized that god
Doesn’t work like that you see
So I stole one instead
And asked him to forgive me
THE YOUNG MONK AND THE ABBOTT
One day many years in the past
A young monk arrived at a monastery.
To assist other monks with the canon and laws
By making hand written copies
But he notices very quickly
That all of us are copying from copies,
And not from the original texts
So he goes to the Abbott with a query
He tells the Abbott of his concern
That any error in the first copy
No matter how small it may be
Would be duplicated in each subsequent copy
The abbot says to the boy
"We have been doing it for centuries
Copying from the copies
But you have a good point, sonny."
The abbot goes down to the dark caves
To the archives beneath the monastery
where the original manuscripts are held
Kept locked in a vault for safety
Hours go by and nobody sees the abbot
he misses his meals and prayers
The young monk gets worried
And goes to look for him downstairs
He finds him banging his head on a wall
Wailing, "We missed the “R”
His forehead is bloody and bruised
And the boy thinks that will lave a scar
The young monk asks the abbot,
"What's wrong?" why do you create
Crying the Abbott replies,
"The word was Celebrate!!!”
WHAT DO YOU WANT BUD?
I saw a Buddhist monk today
At a hot dog stand
The cook stood at the griddle
Doing his thing
“What can I make you” was his
Gruff demand
The monk replied, “ Make me one
With everything”
DEAR LORD
As to the lord God he was praying
A little boy was overheard saying
By his auntie Irene and Uncle Roy
“If you can’t make me a better boy
Please don't worry about it then
I'm having a good time as I Am." amen
I DON’T BELIEVE IT
The problem is when faith is lost
It isn’t that we believe in nothing
But rather the opposite is true
We start to believe in anything
OUR SARAH
A three-year-old called Sarah
Was reciting the lords prayer
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven
Harold is His name Amen."
FATHER, SON &
A Sunday school teacher asked her class,
"What was the name of Jesus' mother?"
One little child answered proudly "Mary"
The teacher said, “well done very clever”
The teacher then asked another question
"What was the name of Jesus' father?"
A boy called Terry answered "it’s Verge"
the teacher was Confused at the answer
She said, “that’s not the right answer”
Where did you get verge from Terry?"
The boy said, "Well you know everyone
Is always talking about Verge n' Mary
ETERNITY
An atheist was arguing
With holy men
And questioning the existence
Of heaven
One holy man said
That if you are precise
And there is no afterlife
Or any paradise
Its not like you’ll be able
To tell anyone
But if we are right
Then your ****ed son
THE ROAD TO DAMASCUS
A man was walking one night
Down a lane without a light
Thinking that he heard a sound
The man then turned around
Someone jumped him suddenly
And assaulted him violently
Badly beaten and then robbed
He lay in the road and sobbed
Injured for many hours he lay
Many people had passed his way
Only one stopped, not to assist
To take his watch off his wrist
Hours later came a Samaritan
A social worker name of Stan
He was greatly shocked to see
Deeds committed by humanity
“Whoever hit you on the head
Really needs some help,” he said
UPRIGHT CHRISTIANS
The puritans have acted radically
By banning fornicating vertically
Only missionary style resembling
No table ending or knee trembling
What made them take the measure?
To restrict to horizontal pleasure
The theory that they are advancing
Is that the act may lead to dancing
WISE CONFUCIUS
Wise Confucius spoke about his creed
Do not walk behind me for I may not lead
Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow
Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow
Do not walk near me or step in my zone
So just bugger off and leave me alone
THE ASTI
I think I am no ordinary man
Which begins my monologue
I am Dyslexic and an Atheist
But to complete my catalogue
Now I am an Insomniac as well
And I no longer sleep like a log
Instead I now lie awake at night
Wondering if there really is a Dog
OH GOD A WOMAN
I think God must be a Woman
I feel that this I must confide
For a Man would never have put
The male genitals on the outside
SAVED
The Salvation Army tries to perform
The thankless task of social reform
Treading the weary path to glory
Saving poor girls from Iniquity
If they are saving fallen women
I’ve just one thing to say then
When saving girls from Iniquity
Save the red headed one for me
WHY AM I HERE?
If it's true as the Church tells us so
That we are here to help others galore
Then perhaps the Church could tell me
What exactly the others are here for?
REALLY
Reality is that which,
A philosopher might say
When you stop believing in it,
Doesn’t go away
THE ANCIENT ART OF HAPPINESS
My Feng Shui man isn’t very happy
Unless the signs I have misread
But I don’t believe for a second
It’s anything that I have done or said
I think it’s the more likely that he
Got up on the wrong side of the bed