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abs2sweet
12-13-2007, 09:07 PM
She overdosed on Ambien. Yet life was not done with here or vice-versa. To her surprise she woke the next day. This was her third failed suicide. There was vomit next to her pillow, and her Looney Tunes quilt. This upset her. See, her father gave her the quilt as a gift which was part of a bed set. He was gone, but the quilt remained. Every night she would hold it, and think of her Dad. “How am I going to wash this” she thought. Her mother was a nurse, and could easily tell something was wrong with her. She waited in bed until her mother left home, then made her way to the laundry room. For a thirteen year old girl, Destiny knew how to manage alone. While the quilt was in the wash, she decided to phone her best friend. It was Thursday, and the first day of school. Anna picked up on the other end. Anna was a quiet twelve year old, she never volunteered in class, and always wore the same purple striped Skippies to school. She was made fun a lot, called names like Nerd, Teacher’s pet, and Virgin girl. This is why Destiny befriended her, she knows what it feels to be teased, and she hated the look on Anna’s face. When Anna answered her call, her response surprised Destiny. Anna was weeping and yelling, she could not mutter a complete sentence. Behind the yells, and moans, Destiny could discern the words, “My mom, she left again.” She knew what that meant. Anna’s mom was a struggling alcoholic and would often go missing for days. She has been found by the cops at almost every dangerous street corner in town. The latest one was in Blue diamond park, about 15 miles from her home. She tried to calm Anna down, and told her she’ll be right over. She rushed to get dressed, not worrying about looking pretty for the first day of school. Breakfast was part of her daily schedule, but there was no time for that now, “I’ll take a pop tart to go” she thought. She got on her bike, and started the ten minute trip to Anna’s home. “I shouldn’t be alive” she told herself, “But now I’m glad I am.”

blazeofglory
12-13-2007, 09:36 PM
Is this a segment of a story? Or something a modern girl lives with, in a predicament?

What do you want to offer with this piece. Nevertheless the piece is absorbing.
But this seems incomplete,. wanting some additions, in point of fact.

jon1jt
12-14-2007, 01:00 AM
I really liked the rhythm you had going at first, but it gets Chicken Soup For the Soulish. Give it action, make it move!

AuntShecky
12-14-2007, 02:51 PM
I would leave out the first sentence in favor of some allusions that will allow the reader to draw her own inference.