Solstice

[symphony]

I lie denying dreams,
silently watching
the rain’s attempts to fall --
freezing in midway – forming
argent icicles…
My eye at the eye
of this lightning-rain
stares agleam,
hoping to touch
the myriad nibs,
hoping to bleed…


But there’s no room for red
in this alabaster white.


With me, within me,
a sapphire brume
decidedly veils the skies,
welcoming dimmed
cerulean nights
when dews crystallize.


Let winter be.
I’ll lie here watching
this rain that never
touches the asphalt,
waiting for it to penetrate
me in my virgin-white peignoir
in some masochistic streak…
I’ll lie denying dreams,
waiting to bleed.


Let winter be.
The pearls in the twigs will hang,
and I in the span of a sin
will dry out and fall
in an icy fever.


With me, within me,
years of hopes decay.
My flesh will freeze,
my blood be bleached,
ashen bones will be torn open
till a cold breath from them egresses…
declaring my end.


And yet the night
has no death.


Let winter be.
The cotton wings
of the nightly mist
are sentries to my
frozen remnants,
like some sepulchral
angels they lurch
over my last breath.


With me, within me,
Let winter be.

[symphony]

Hmmm...
That bad?
:p

[mazHur]

Oh, no, for heavens sake, no!
This is not your age to be depressed and write such heart rendering poems!

Very sophisticated poem,strong words, tough to be comprehended by those who are not in love !

[symphony]

crystal clear to those wanting to love/be loved, though (seeing who its coming from) :p

[mazHur]

what do you mean?

love is love
whether in heart
or lips
the former beats to live
the latter die to kiss!

[blazeofglory]

This is a sip of love and nothing else and a dose that dozes the one drunk with it
Enticing of course. Gives tinges of touchiness. I got bewitched.

I wonder what possessed you to write such a beautiful poem, for this is indeed a commingling of both love and the words that profuse the love with beauty, charm and of course grace.

Symphony,this cascades from the symphony of your heart, doesn't It? The pouring of something within.

[symphony]

I wonder what possessed you to write such a beautiful poem
Terrible despair having given a horrible exam on organic chemistry. :D



Symphony,this cascades from the symphony of your heart, doesn't It?
Its with me, within me. ;)

[amanda_isabel]

i have the same comment as blazeofglory---what on earth possessed you to write this? you work is capable of possessing others too... but then again, no matter how beautiful this is, i hope your circumstances are not this extreme, or that it doesn't drive you to that extreme... hey, artists like us? we make beauty out of that kind of stuff.

[crazefest456]

ha ha, organic chem can make you do things.. I completely understand where this poem's coming from :)

[symphony]

i have the same comment as blazeofglory---what on earth possessed you to write this? you work is capable of possessing others too... but then again, no matter how beautiful this is, i hope your circumstances are not this extreme, or that it doesn't drive you to that extreme... hey, artists like us? we make beauty out of that kind of stuff.
Nah dont worry! Its just that measles and muse together can make u say stuff like that at times! ;)



ha ha, organic chem can make you do things.. I completely understand where this poem's coming from :)
:lol:

[TheFifthElement]

This is something else symphony! It has such a beautiful rhythm, it draws the reader in and in 'with me, within me', exactly! These parts touched me especially :


Let winter be.
I’ll lie here watching
this rain that never
touches the asphalt


Let winter be.
The pearls in the twigs will hang,
and I in the span of a sin
will dry out and fall
in an icy fever.

If I had a criticism, it might be that it is a little heavily worded in places, but perhaps that's just me not wanting to have to use the dictionary (lazy, in other words!). But I can't criticise this poem, it is perfect the way it is; sad, but perfect.

[Pensive]

Amazing! Love the beat of 'let winter be' and its repetition. I am sorry, but I have got nothing to critisize in this poem. It can be probably because I am not much of a critic or probably because I have liked it enough not to find anything wrong with it. :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

No! Not really THAT bad! In fact, Ms Queen of self-doubts, not even CLOSE to being that bad...or bad at all!

I'm especially entranced by the seeming effortlessness of it all, the naturalness, the contrast between the everyday words and those more esoteric ones, such as "argent...alabaster... sapphire brume... cerulean" and then of course there are lines or images that just lift themselves into the ether (see? I can use fancy words, too), such as:


this rain that never
touches the asphalt,


The pearls in the twigs will hang,
and I in the span of a sin
will dry out and fall
in an icy fever.


And yet the night
has no death.

!!!!!!!!!


Let winter be.
The cotton wings
of the nightly mist
are sentries to my
frozen remnants,
like some sepulchral
angels they lurch
over my last breath.

And the recurrent use of


Let winter be.

Next time you put yourself down, I'm going to bhaswallop you!

[symphony]

Thanks Fifth, Pensy, and Prince.


Next time you put yourself down, I'm going to bhaswallop you!Well uhm...unlike u, Prof, i do NOT know fancy words, so *gulp* what'd this "bhaswallop" word mean? (since i'll be the one getting it, i'd better know!)

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thanks Fifth, Pensy, and Prince.

Well uhm...unlike u, Prof, i do NOT know fancy words, so *gulp* what'd this "bhaswallop" word mean? (since i'll be the one getting it, i'd better know!)

Well uhm... and I apologize in advance if I'm overstepping boundaries, but it means the abrupt application of my open palm to a portion of your sari!

[symphony]

I so hope i'm not wearing the sari at the moment of the event!

[blazeofglory]

Terrible despair having given a horrible exam on organic chemistry. :D



Its with me, within me. ;)

This is the chemistry of love, something, sprightly and joie de vivre. Your compound through chemical reactions catalyze anything, of course anybody. You have the knack of composing verses.

Bewitching in point of fact it has something that takes us somewhere in flight of imagination.

[symphony]

You have the knack of composing verses.


Do i? I wish...

[Virgil]

I lie denying dreams,
silently watching
the rain’s attempts to fall --
freezing in midway – forming
argent icicles…
My eye at the eye
of this lightning-rain
stares agleam,
hoping to touch
the myriad nibs,
hoping to bleed…


But there’s no room for red
in this alabaster white.


With me, within me,
a sapphire brume
decidedly veils the skies,
welcoming dimmed
cerulean nights
when dews crystallize.


Let winter be.
I’ll lie here watching
this rain that never
touches the asphalt,
waiting for it to penetrate
me in my virgin-white peignoir
in some masochistic streak…
I’ll lie denying dreams,
waiting to bleed.


Let winter be.
The pearls in the twigs will hang,
and I in the span of a sin
will dry out and fall
in an icy fever.


With me, within me,
years of hopes decay.
My flesh will freeze,
my blood be bleached,
ashen bones will be torn open
till a cold breath from them egresses…
declaring my end.


And yet the night
has no death.


Let winter be.
The cotton wings
of the nightly mist
are sentries to my
frozen remnants,
like some sepulchral
angels they lurch
over my last breath.


With me, within me,
Let winter be.


Oh, I didn't see this before Symph. Wow, it's quite original in thought. The turn from the freezing rain to the sexual connotation is a burst of imagination. This stanza blew me away:

Let winter be.
I’ll lie here watching
this rain that never
touches the asphalt,
waiting for it to penetrate
me in my virgin-white peignoir
in some masochistic streak…
I’ll lie denying dreams,
waiting to bleed.

I thought there were some rough edges at first, but on second and third reading perhaps not. Your vocabulary is quite rich and I need to look up a few of those words. ;) This phrase perhaps is awkward: "stares agleam." But other than that, this poem is very rich. Great work Symph!

[PrinceMyshkin]

Oh, I didn't see this before Symph. Wow, it's quite original in thought. The turn from the freezing rain to the sexual connotation is a burst of imagination. This stanza blew me away:


I thought there were some rough edges at first, but on second and third reading perhaps not. Your vocabulary is quite rich and I need to look up a few of those words. ;) This phrase perhaps is awkward: "stares agleam." But other than that, this poem is very rich. Great work Symph!

Having experienced how dangerous it can be to praise anything by Ms Symphony, I nevertheless want to enthusiastically subscribe to your appreciation of this wonderful poem. Maybe I can get some way back into her good books by supporting you as well in your criticism of "stares agleam" which is too archaic-sounding, too much at odds with the otherwise natural sound of the language.

I have an additional quibble with "virgin-white peignoir." My objection to that is in part (improperly) because I bring into my reading of the poem my awareness of Ms Symph's age, but even without that I think there'd be some dissonance between the unavoidable sexual connotation of "peignoir," and "virgin-white." I'd prefer anything like "nightshirt" or "nightgown."

[mazHur]

I think the use of words like 'agleam' instead of 'gleaming' stare is quite admissible in poetry. However, to know the meaning of French words may be difficult for the non-french folks. It is probable that the poetess found this word appropriate for use to accentuate her feeling,

I also think that age has no bearing on poetic expressions. There have been poets like Keats who mastered their thoughts and conveyed them through their poetry so brilliantly that they rank among the masters of this art.
Symph is no doubt pretty young but again it is at 'this' age that a poetess undergoes strong feelings of being loved and adored. There is hardly anything lacking in her linguistic skills and I hope she can do even better both in English as well as her mother language at which she is exceptionally good.

[Virgil]

Having experienced how dangerous it can be to praise anything by Ms Symphony, I nevertheless want to enthusiastically subscribe to your appreciation of this wonderful poem. Maybe I can get some way back into her good books by supporting you as well in your criticism of "stares agleam" which is too archaic-sounding, too much at odds with the otherwise natural sound of the language.

I have an additional quibble with "virgin-white peignoir." My objection to that is in part (improperly) because I bring into my reading of the poem my awareness of Ms Symph's age, but even without that I think there'd be some dissonance between the unavoidable sexual connotation of "peignoir," and "virgin-white." I'd prefer anything like "nightshirt" or "nightgown."

I think you're right in that nightgown or nightshirt would better fit thematically. But I must say that peignoir is a more interesting sounding word. I wonder if Symph realizes that peignoir is a dress worn around the house during the day.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I think you're right in that nightgown or nightshirt would better fit thematically. But I must say that peignoir is a more interesting sounding word. I wonder if Symph realizes that peignoir is a dress worn around the house during the day.

I must have a somewhat raunchier dictionary than you do because mine gives it as a synonym for negligee. If on the other hand she meant to use it in the way you suggest, there would be a different sort of problem, no? In that the virgin-whiteness of a housedress would still be an incongruity... unless, say, the poem were about her aversion to or unfamilisrity with domestic labour?

[PrinceMyshkin]

I think the use of words like 'agleam' instead of 'gleaming' stare is quite admissible in poetry.


Yes and no. Even "the" might be wrong if it contrasts with the tone, theme or level of vocabulary employed elsewhere in the poem. "Agleam" might fit in quite comfortably if from the beginning she had employed the occasonal anachronism or a generally high poetic diction.

[Virgil]

I must have a somewhat raunchier dictionary than you do because mine gives it as a synonym for negligee. If on the other hand she meant to use it in the way you suggest, there would be a different sort of problem, no? In that the virgin-whiteness of a housedress would still be an incongruity... unless, say, the poem were about her aversion to or unfamilisrity with domestic labour?

Here's what I found from my the internet dictionaries:


peign·oir /peɪnˈwɑr, pɛn-, ˈpeɪnwɑr, ˈpɛn-/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[peyn-wahr, pen-, peyn-wahr, pen-] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun 1. a woman's dressing gown.
2. a cloak or gown of terry cloth for wear after swimming or, esp. in France, after the bath.

[Origin: 1825–35; < F: lit., comber, i.e., something worn while one's hair is being combed, equiv. to peign(er) to comb (< LL pectināre; see pecten) + -oir < L -ōrium -ory1]
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.


American Heritage Dictionary - Cite This Source - Share This pei·gnoir (pān-wär', pěn-) Pronunciation Key
n. A woman's loose-fitting dressing gown.
[French, from Old French peignouer, linen covering used while combing oneself, from peigner, to comb the hair, from Latin pectināre, from pecten, pectin-, comb.]
Copyright © 2006 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

Online Etymology Dictionary - Cite This Source - Share This
peignoir

1835, "lady's loose robe," from Fr. peignoir, from M.Fr. peignouoir "garment worn over the shoulders while combing the hair" (16c.), from peigner "to comb," from L. pectinare, from pecten (gen. pectinis) "a comb," related to pectere "to comb." A gown put on while coming from the bath; misapplied in Eng. to a woman's morning gown.

Online Etymology Dictionary, © 2001 Douglas Harper


WordNet - Cite This Source - Share This peignoir

noun
a loose dressing gown for women [syn: negligee]

WordNet® 3.0, © 2006 by Princeton University.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/peignoir

I guess there is that connotation of negligee, but I think it's mostly defined as a house dress, at least that is how I've always understood. Actually I remember when and where I learned the word. It's in Wallace Steven's "Sunday Morning" and I remember looking that up when we did that poem in college.

[blazeofglory]

Do i? I wish...

[I]t is magnetic, charismatic, irresistible. I am arrested. You spiced it up with something, spiritedly lively.


Symphony, there is magic in your piece!

[kiz_paws]

I cannot think of anything that has not been said here, symphony. Your poem was truly beautiful, the ending two lines were superb. :thumbs_up

[PrinceMyshkin]

Here's what I found from my the internet dictionaries:


http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/peignoir

I guess there is that connotation of negligee, but I think it's mostly defined as a house dress, at least that is how I've always understood. Actually I remember when and where I learned the word. It's in Wallace Steven's "Sunday Morning" and I remember looking that up when we did that poem in college.

Oh, thanks for reminding me of that poem by Stevens & of his poetry in general, which I haven't read in too long a time.

But, hey! If you had to choose right now between reading something by Stevens and something by Wm Carlos Williams, which might you choose - and why?

[Virgil]

Oh, thanks for reminding me of that poem by Stevens & of his poetry in general, which I haven't read in too long a time.

But, hey! If you had to choose right now between reading something by Stevens and something by Wm Carlos Williams, which might you choose - and why?

Oh I love Stevens. Of modern poets in English I think he's the best, except perhaps for William Butler Yeats. William Carlos Williams is a very good poet too and it seems under appreciated. He's really the fore father of all the beat poets. I wonder if all the beat poet fans realize that?

[symphony]

Oh i didnt realise "peignoir" could mean a day-dress! Always thought of it as a negligee. That shows u, Uncle Virgil, how rich my vocabulary is! :lol:

Anyway, whats written is written. The most important thing being, right now, my zoology exam! *runs*

And thanks Virge, Kiz, etc etc.

*RUNS*

[Virgil]

Oh i didnt realise "peignoir" could mean a day-dress! Always thought of it as a negligee. That shows u, Uncle Virgil, how rich my vocabulary is! :lol:

Anyway, whats written is written. The most important thing being, right now, my zoology exam! *runs*

And thanks Virge, Kiz, etc etc.

*RUNS*

I don't think it affects the meaning of the poem much. Good luck on your exam.