Zoo of Perverted Creatures - Comments please?

[SleepyWitch]

something I've just bashed out :blush: Comments please?
THANKS




Zoo of Perverted Creatures
place: Borth, Wales, UK; time: the hottest summer we've had in ages

If you can spare a moment, come visit me,
just off the promenade behind the dunes,
past Alex, the cheeky cockatoo,
whose lemon crest proudly swells
when he french-kisses his neighbour,
grey tongue darting in and out
through the bars or his cage,
his left eye fixed on the visitors,
as if to say "Neehehheeeee,
look at me, I'm playing naughty."

Opposite the flasher ape,
whose little black erection
wags at the passing ladies
while the rest of his body reclines
and he languidly studies the ceiling,
detached and sweltering in the shade.

That's where I'm on display,
on my solitary tree
and line up my spoon-shaped fingers on a bough
to count them every day.
Some days I stare at little boys,
searching for a reflection of my
lemur eyes
- alert but dreamy, almost human -
and I swiftly grab their carrots
and hold their gaze.
Maybe not aware of myself,
but certainly aware of them.
How come the doctors saw my bushy tail
and failed to tell my mother
"Madam, it's a monkey."?

[Virgil]

:lol: I must say the writing is smooth, the imagery vivid ("little black erection" :lol::p ) but the subject matter crass. Other than shock value, what exactly are you saying? I'm not sure i see a point.

[Pendragon]

Have to agree with Virg, Sleepy. I told you before that you liked to toy with that razor edge of taste, seeming just to see what you can get away with putting in a poem. I liked your ending stanza. But throwing an image in just for shock value, I don't think people need shocking today as much as they need a poem that says something clearly. I'd take that last stanza and rewrite the poem. I will be honest anyway.

Pen

[jon1jt]

Sleepy, this is now by far my favorite poem from you! The flasher ape...:eek: It's wild, I love it!

[kiz_paws]

Well I enjoyed the poem, it had such a wild aura and was very playful. Yep, loved it, Sleepy! :)

[SleepyWitch]

Sleepy, this is now by far my favorite poem from you! The flasher ape...:eek: It's wild, I love it!

:D thanks jon, so tell us, does it have any merits besides its shock value?

thanks kiz :)


I must say the writing is smooth, the imagery vivid ("little black erection" ) but the subject matter crass. Other than shock value, what exactly are you saying? I'm not sure i see a point.
:D does everything need to have a point? heehee, just teasing you :p I guess you're right :)


Have to agree with Virg, Sleepy. I told you before that you liked to toy with that razor edge of taste, seeming just to see what you can get away with putting in a poem. I liked your ending stanza. But throwing an image in just for shock value, I don't think people need shocking today as much as they need a poem that says something clearly. I'd take that last stanza and rewrite the poem. I will be honest anyway.
thanks for your honesty Uncle Pen. I prefer that to "ooh, ahh, how nice"
but I don't remember that I ever toyed with the razor edge of taste before, except in Parasitic Twin, maybe.
could you tell me which poem you mean? errr... I'm not trying to pick a fight, it's a sincere question, coz maybe I did play with the edge of taste but wasn't aware of it and it came out all wrong.

[firefangled]

Sleepy, I found this so interesting and enjoyable to read. It reminded me a little of Paul Simon's, At the Zoo.

I'm not so sure a poem like this needs to be alluding to anything. You were true to your intentions and here we got a vivid picture of this world. Your flasher ape was a great commentary on the poem itself, I thought, as if to say to the passersby, over the sight of his little black flag....WHAT?!!

I like it!

[LadyW]

I think its extremely unique and quirky. I absolutely love the line, "whose lemon crest proudly swells." However I am rather concerned about the ape's erection, not to insult you, but what were you thinking about when you wrote this? The mind ponders :)
But hey, if the ape has it... flaunt it haha.
Very interesting indeed, I applaud you.

[SleepyWitch]

I think its extremely unique and quirky. I absolutely love the line, "whose lemon crest proudly swells." However I am rather concerned about the ape's erection, not to insult you, but what were you thinking about when you wrote this? The mind ponders :)
But hey, if the ape has it... flaunt it haha.
Very interesting indeed, I applaud you.

thanks LadyW :)
well... actually, I wasn't very creative. I really saw all those crazy perverted animals at a zoo in Wales, including said ape who did exactly what it says in the poem. So most of the credit for this should go to those beasties, not to me :(

[ampoule]

I loved it. It made me smile. As a bird lover, I got a real kick out of your first stanza.

[jon1jt]

:D thanks jon, so tell us, does it have any merits besides its shock value?

There's a flare in your writing of this piece that I really like, Sleepy. I never once encountered a poem I liked that was written primarily for a shock value. Your poem has character, a pizzazz, the artful kind, there's a difference. Excellent.

[SleepyWitch]

There's a flare in your writing of this piece that I really like, Sleepy. I never once encountered a poem I liked that was written primarily for a shock value. Your poem has character, a pizzazz, the artful kind, there's a difference. Excellent.

ahahha :) that's like saying "Humbert Humbert (?) isn't a paedophile because he is a poet" :D or "I don't like apples but I like this so it can't be an apple" :D
*joking* I'm glad you like it :)

[jon1jt]

ahahha :) that's like saying "Humbert Humbert (?) isn't a paedophile because he is a poet" :D or "I don't like apples but I like this so it can't be an apple" :D
*joking* I'm glad you like it :)

Good point, I thought I could get away with that one. I'm guilty. :D

[PrinceMyshkin]

something I've just bashed out :blush: Comments please?
THANKS




Zoo of Perverted Creatures
place: Borth, Wales, UK; time: the hottest summer we've had in ages

If you can spare a moment, come visit me,
just off the promenade behind the dunes,
past Alex, the cheeky cockatoo,
whose lemon crest proudly swells
when he french-kisses his neighbour,
grey tongue darting in and out
through the bars or his cage,
his left eye fixed on the visitors,
as if to say "Neehehheeeee,
look at me, I'm playing naughty."

Opposite the flasher ape,
whose little black erection
wags at the passing ladies
while the rest of his body reclines
and he languidly studies the ceiling,
detached and sweltering in the shade.

That's where I'm on display,
on my solitary tree
and line up my spoon-shaped fingers on a bough
to count them every day.
Some days I stare at little boys,
searching for a reflection of my
lemur eyes
- alert but dreamy, almost human -
and I swiftly grab their carrots
and hold their gaze.
Maybe not aware of myself,
but certainly aware of them.
How come the doctors saw my bushy tail
and failed to tell my mother
"Madam, it's a monkey."?


Those who have focussed on the "shock" images in this may have given too little attention to what is, to me, the real shock of those last three lines, the anti-shock, as it were, to the french-kiss and the black erection. Those lines are reminiscent of the violent turnabout at the end of "To the Reader" by Baudelaire, where after reciting all the sins that men - OTHER men, we assume - are capable of, he ends with:


But among the jackals, the panthers, the ***** hounds,
The apes, the scorpions, the vultures, the serpents,
The yelping, howling, growling, crawling monsters,
In the filthy menagerie of our vices,

There is one more ugly, more wicked, more filthy!
Although he makes neither great gestures nor great cries,
He would willingly make of the earth a shambles
And, in a yawn, swallow the world;

He is Ennui! — His eye watery as though with tears,
He dreams of scaffolds as he smokes his hookah pipe.
You know him reader, that refined monster,
— Hypocritish reader, — my fellow, — my brother!

What would be more shocking, more morally reprehensible, than to walk among the misfits, the malformed, the desperate of this world, and to turn our eyes 'tactfully,' genteely away!

[Pendragon]

thanks for your honesty Uncle Pen. I prefer that to "ooh, ahh, how nice"
but I don't remember that I ever toyed with the razor edge of taste before, except in Parasitic Twin, maybe.
could you tell me which poem you mean? errr... I'm not trying to pick a fight, it's a sincere question, coz maybe I did play with the edge of taste but wasn't aware of it and it came out all wrong.I'm thinking it may have been in one of your short stories, can't say right off. I recall going to a zoo once and one of the monkey's was in heat. They had placed her in a cage by herself as they didn't want either baby monkey's or lewd monkey behavior on a day when it was free pass and kids were everywhere. But they couldn't shut her up, and you could her the love sick tart all over the zoo howling for the guys who were well aware of what her scent meant and were doing their share of screeching. I though then as I steered my kids by that I would just have locked her in the monkey house with assorted males and forgot it. Did they think we parents had it easy answering "What's wrong with the monkeys, daddy?" When the proper answer appeared to me, "Um, they're horny, darling?"http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Bo-Nanas.gif

[SleepyWitch]

Those who have focussed on the "shock" images in this may have given too little attention to what is, to me, the real shock of those last three lines, the anti-shock, as it were, to the french-kiss and the black erection. Those lines are reminiscent of the violent turnabout at the end of "To the Reader" by Baudelaire, where after reciting all the sins that men - OTHER men, we assume - are capable of, he ends with:



What would be more shocking, more morally reprehensible, than to walk among the misfits, the malformed, the desperate of this world, and to turn our eyes 'tactfully,' genteely away!

thanks :) ennui wasn't what I had in mind, but feel free to interpret it that way :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

I recall going to a zoo once and one of the monkey's was in heat. They had placed her in a cage by herself as they didn't want either baby monkey's or lewd monkey behavior on a day when it was free pass and kids were everywhere. But they couldn't shut her up, and you could her the love sick tart all over the zoo howling for the guys who were well aware of what her scent meant and were doing their share of screeching. I though then as I steered my kids by that I would just have locked her in the monkey house with assorted males and forgot it. Did they think we parents had it easy answering "What's wrong with the monkeys, daddy?" When the proper answer appeared to me, "Um, they're horny, darling?"http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Bo-Nanas.gif

"What's wrong with the monkeys, daddy?"
"Um, they're horny, darling?"
"Does that mean they're bad monkeys, daddy?"
"Well, not exactly, sweetie-pie..."
"Do ALL monkeys get horny, daddy?"
"Um, yes, some of the time..."
"Do people get horny too, Daddy?"
"Hey, look at the ice-cream stand over there!
What say we go get us some right away!"

[SleepyWitch]

"What's wrong with the monkeys, daddy?"
"Um, they're horny, darling?"
"Does that mean they're bad monkeys, daddy?"
"Well, not exactly, sweetie-pie..."
"Do ALL monkeys get horny, daddy?"
"Um, yes, some of the time..."
"Do people get horny too, Daddy?"
"Hey, look at the ice-cream stand over there!
What say we go get us some right away!"

:) :D :lol:

poor Uncle Pen, I'm sorry if I shocked you :blush: but you gentlemen (Virge and you) are so easy to shock :D
the flasher ape was different, he wasn't screaming or anything. he just lolled around there and flashed the human ladies and you could tell from teh glint in his eyes that he knew exactly what he was doing. that was so scary

[Virgil]

Those who have focussed on the "shock" images in this may have given too little attention to what is, to me, the real shock of those last three lines, the anti-shock, as it were, to the french-kiss and the black erection. Those lines are reminiscent of the violent turnabout at the end of "To the Reader" by Baudelaire, where after reciting all the sins that men - OTHER men, we assume - are capable of, he ends with:


I agree with you Prince. Actually the whole last stanza is interesting and could be the basis of a poem. It would probably be a different poem though.


:) :D :lol:

poor Uncle Pen, I'm sorry if I shocked you :blush: but you gentlemen (Virge and you) are so easy to shock :D
the flasher ape was different, he wasn't screaming or anything. he just lolled around there and flashed the human ladies and you could tell from teh glint in his eyes that he knew exactly what he was doing. that was so scary
Oh I don't shock so easily, at least not by poetry or other art. I was describing the core motivation of the poem.

[SleepyWitch]

Oh I don't shock so easily, at least not by poetry or other art. I was describing the core motivation of the poem.

ahahhaha :) ever heard of the intentional fallacy? well, that's probably a mis-quote on my part, but anyway... just because you find the poem shocking doesn't mean my core motivation in writing it was its shock value :D