Sappho

[Lote-Tree]

How did it feel
Jumping off the cliff?
Was it
Exciting
And frightening as
Falling in love?

And when the head shattered
Like a grecian vase
On the rocks below
Was the pain
Painful as love?

We only found
Bits and pieces
Of your broken life,
The fragments
Have taken
Two thousand years
To reach us.
The pain is ancient
But when I read it
I feel it as new...

[firefangled]

Wow! Lote. I really liked this. I have not read much Sappho, maybe a few in college. This makes me want to read more. Thanks.

[ampoule]

I love this. It may be about Sappho but it applies to all of us who have taken a dive for love. You did a marvelous job comparing falling in love with both the exhilarating and shattered feelings.

[Lote-Tree]

Wow! Lote. I really liked this. I have not read much Sappho, maybe a few in college. This makes me want to read more. Thanks.


I love this. It may be about Sappho but it applies to all of us who have taken a dive for love. You did a marvelous job comparing falling in love with both the exhilarating and shattered feelings.


Thanks firefangled and ampoule.

[symphony]

Havent read Sappho but i loved this, Lote. The last stanza, particularly, stands out. But i thought the last line wasnt that strong.

[Virgil]

Mistaken Post - Sorry

[Lote-Tree]

If people want to read some really good Sappho-esk poetry by a menmber of lit net, go read Dark Muse's blog. I highly recommend it.

Erm Excuse me Virgil. I'm Attention Seeker Here. No advertising of other Attention Seekers here :D

[Virgil]

Erm Excuse me Virgil. I'm Attention Seeker Here. No advertising of other Attention Seekers here :D

Actually I'm sorry Lote. :blush: I didn't realize this was your personal poem. I thought it was a Sappho poem. I didn't realize this was in the personal poetry forum. I'll go back and edit out that post.

Then let me critique your poem. I do find the last stanza as a standout. The first stanza I feel is off putting becasue how does one realistically address a question to someone who's committed suicide? One can do it, but your question actually highlights the suicide, so it has a non-sensical aspect to it. The same holds for the second stanza, even more grossly detailed. Those two stanzas do not draw me in, I'm afraid. Alas the pity, because the last stanza is very good. The metaphor of her fragents works beautifully.

[Lote-Tree]

Actually I'm sorry Lote. :blush: I didn't realize this was your personal poem. I thought it was a Sappho poem. I didn't realize this was in the personal poetry forum. I'll go back and edit out that post.


No problemo. I was only joking ;-)



The first stanza I feel is off putting becasue how does one realistically address a question to someone who's committed suicide?


You can't really it is an imaginitive rendering.

[blp]

This is lovely until the last two lines




But when I read it
I feel it as new...

which are trite and could surely be made shorter and neater and more poetic. Not this, but, as it were

The ancient pain
still gnaws

You need a strong finish.

[jon1jt]

I really like it Lote, seems written in a different voice from some of the other poems I've read of yours. You could probably end it right after 'The pain is ancient,' or delete "But" and not lose anything. The ending is okay, I sort of like it.

[kiz_paws]

Lote, your poem was beautiful, and I also echo the sentiment that it makes me want to read more Sappho. About the ending -- it works for me, I'd not change a thing. Cheers, Kizzo :)

[Lote-Tree]

Thanks blp, jon1jt and kiz.

[Sweets America]

It is a beautiful poem. I enjoyed the different feelings in each stanza, and I liked it more and more with each new line. The last stanza is great. Very nicely done! :)
(I hope this comment will not make your head expand too much, you know how I worry about your health. :D )

[Lote-Tree]

It is a beautiful poem. I enjoyed the different feelings in each stanza, and I liked it more and more with each new line. The last stanza is great. Very nicely done! :)


Thanks.



(I hope this comment will not make your head expand too much, you know how I worry about your health. :D )

I have to take that risk and take every compliment I can get. Not to take it would be an insult to the compliment-giver :D

[Sweets America]

I have to take that risk and take every compliment I can get. Not to take it would be an insult to the compliment-giver :D

Ehehe, this is funny how you always manage to turn things to your advantage. :D

[Lote-Tree]

Ehehe, this is funny how you always manage to turn things to your advantage. :D

LOL :-) I think it's called "witticism" lassie :D