Nobody

[Pensive]

I just wrote it sometime ago. Probably not really a good poem but I would like to hear your suggestions on how to turn it into such one. Just potrayal of my feelings while imagining the story of this girl (I being on her place). That was fun as well as no fun. But reading comments surely is fun. I am fine with negative ones too. :p



This time last year
Was a party

Today, everyone is too busy
To come to her, to celebrate with her
To get interested in importants events in her life
Except the paper in her hands
That too appears in her misery
Rather than happiness
Or can we celebrate our despondency too?

This time last year
Was a party
When she was popular

When she had a group to belong to
Now when she has started to consider
The whole world her mate
It is not ready to accept her friendship
And pushes her outstretched hand away

This time last year
Was a party
When she was popular
When she had friends not so busy

This time the world pushes
Her hand away in such a way
She does not realise at first
That it does not need her
Her senses reply late
They should have realised it long ago

Sparkle, prominence and 'somebody-ness'
Is what most people look for
Without having an idea about what actually
'Somebody' is
And get trapped due to this lack of knowledge
Where they should not

This time last year
Was a party
When she was popular
When she had friends not so busy
Who have now changed because
They think she is 'nobody'
Without having any idea
What 'nobody' really is

Nobody knows when she/he herself/himself is a nobody.
Or does she/he?

[mazHur]

Last line is not quite poetic...avoid use of slashes.

The theme is Okay but the poem has been stretched too long.
Lines are not balanced , For example , the two lines could have been condensed to say
''without exactly knowing what a nobody is""

and, the last line
''nobody knows when nobody he may become ""

[PrinceMyshkin]

I just wrote it sometime ago. Probably not really a good poem On the other hand, would you entertain the possibility that it is a very, very good one?but I would like to hear your suggestions on how to turn it into such one. Just potrayal of my feelings while imagining the story of this girl (I being on her place). That was fun as well as no fun. But reading comments surely is fun. I am fine with negative ones too. :p

The lines

Last year
was a party

can be read either to mean that the whole of that last year was a party or it could be a grammatically incorrect substitute for


Last year
there was a party

which was my first instinct in reading it. It bothered me at first but then I came to like it very much, as an example of the ungrammatical way we all talk at times, economising by leavng out a wordor two.

It's a BEAUTIFUL example of seemingly casual, even prosaic speech that is organized unpretentiously into a poem.:thumbs_up :thumbs_up

Oh! And "somebody-ness" is a brilliant neologism.