cheerleader8096
12-05-2007, 05:53 PM
I need help editing the prolouge of my story. If you have suggestions, comments, ways to improve, anything at all, leave it here!
Rain poured down softly onto the roof. The night was cold and silent; eerie silence hung in the air. Trees sagged with the weight of the rain, bending as if they couldn’t bear the weight. Rain clung to the grass, creating a slippery surface for those who would dare walk upon it in the morning. Black storm clouds blended into the dark night sky. Stars attempted to peak out of the blanket that covered them, only to fail miserably in the process. All lights were off in the houses; young children and old grandparents fast asleep, missing the show that was being held outside of their warm bedroom window. All except one, that is.
Tears streaming down her cheeks, Tammie Spring pressed her 14 year old nose against the window, watching the scene play out before her like a movie on TV. This miserable night reminded her of one horrific night about two years back. As she relived the night, tears rushed down her face like a raging, out of control river. Sobs escaped her body, shaking her like an earthquake. Her legs buckled into a pile on the floor, taking the rest of her helpless torso with them. She brought her knees to her chest, and buried her face into them, letting her kneecaps muffle her cries as she drowned herself in the memory of her sister.
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Heavy rain pounded onto the roof of Kenzie’s blue Honda truck, creating a deafening noise inside. Lightning struck every couple of seconds, blinding her with its flashing light. She tried to stay focused on the almost invisible road in front of her, and the lanes that were hiding underneath the puddles of icy rain water. Kenzie quickly glanced down at the clock. 11:09. She moaned out of frustration and silently reprimanded herself. She had promised Tam she would be home by 10:40. She could picture what Tammie was probably doing right now. Her pink fleece blanket rapped around her, the long brown curls she hated so much cascading over it. Her pretty little twelve year old head was resting against the window frame, her big brown eyes staring out at the driveway where Kenzie’s car should be parked. Kenzie was six years older then Tammie, but they had a special kind of bond that amazed most people. Kenzie was Tammie’s hero; Tammie was Kenzie’s baby.
Her mind consumed with thoughts of her little sister, Kenzie quickly turned onto the street on which she lived. She drove past the stop sign at the intersection in front of her house, since no one was out anyways.
When Tammie saw her big sister’s blue Honda truck barreling down the street, she sprang up and ran out the door. She swung open the door and waited impatiently on the porch, watching her sister’s car accelerate towards her. Tammie watched in horror as Kenzie carelessly ran through the intersection, another car slamming full speed into the driver’s side. Kenzie’s Honda flipped several times in the air before smashing onto its roof. Windows shattered, scattering glass pieces across the road. After the crash, there was an odd stillness. Silence filled the air; lights started turning on and doors started to open ad people came outside of there warm houses to see what the commotion was.
Tammie was now on her knees, sobbing uncontrollably. She watched the scene play out before her, horrified at what she saw. Desperately, she tried to look away, but couldn’t stop starring. She hoped that someone would shake her awake from the terrifying nightmare soon; she didn’t know how much more she could take. Unfortunately for her, this wasn’t a dream. This was real. Kenzie was dead. And Tammie had watched her die.
Rain poured down softly onto the roof. The night was cold and silent; eerie silence hung in the air. Trees sagged with the weight of the rain, bending as if they couldn’t bear the weight. Rain clung to the grass, creating a slippery surface for those who would dare walk upon it in the morning. Black storm clouds blended into the dark night sky. Stars attempted to peak out of the blanket that covered them, only to fail miserably in the process. All lights were off in the houses; young children and old grandparents fast asleep, missing the show that was being held outside of their warm bedroom window. All except one, that is.
Tears streaming down her cheeks, Tammie Spring pressed her 14 year old nose against the window, watching the scene play out before her like a movie on TV. This miserable night reminded her of one horrific night about two years back. As she relived the night, tears rushed down her face like a raging, out of control river. Sobs escaped her body, shaking her like an earthquake. Her legs buckled into a pile on the floor, taking the rest of her helpless torso with them. She brought her knees to her chest, and buried her face into them, letting her kneecaps muffle her cries as she drowned herself in the memory of her sister.
__________________________________________________ ______________________
Heavy rain pounded onto the roof of Kenzie’s blue Honda truck, creating a deafening noise inside. Lightning struck every couple of seconds, blinding her with its flashing light. She tried to stay focused on the almost invisible road in front of her, and the lanes that were hiding underneath the puddles of icy rain water. Kenzie quickly glanced down at the clock. 11:09. She moaned out of frustration and silently reprimanded herself. She had promised Tam she would be home by 10:40. She could picture what Tammie was probably doing right now. Her pink fleece blanket rapped around her, the long brown curls she hated so much cascading over it. Her pretty little twelve year old head was resting against the window frame, her big brown eyes staring out at the driveway where Kenzie’s car should be parked. Kenzie was six years older then Tammie, but they had a special kind of bond that amazed most people. Kenzie was Tammie’s hero; Tammie was Kenzie’s baby.
Her mind consumed with thoughts of her little sister, Kenzie quickly turned onto the street on which she lived. She drove past the stop sign at the intersection in front of her house, since no one was out anyways.
When Tammie saw her big sister’s blue Honda truck barreling down the street, she sprang up and ran out the door. She swung open the door and waited impatiently on the porch, watching her sister’s car accelerate towards her. Tammie watched in horror as Kenzie carelessly ran through the intersection, another car slamming full speed into the driver’s side. Kenzie’s Honda flipped several times in the air before smashing onto its roof. Windows shattered, scattering glass pieces across the road. After the crash, there was an odd stillness. Silence filled the air; lights started turning on and doors started to open ad people came outside of there warm houses to see what the commotion was.
Tammie was now on her knees, sobbing uncontrollably. She watched the scene play out before her, horrified at what she saw. Desperately, she tried to look away, but couldn’t stop starring. She hoped that someone would shake her awake from the terrifying nightmare soon; she didn’t know how much more she could take. Unfortunately for her, this wasn’t a dream. This was real. Kenzie was dead. And Tammie had watched her die.