SleepyWitch
12-05-2007, 06:53 AM
I've posted this in Write a really WEIRD poem (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=30586) before. but I'd appreciate some feedback anyway.
I intended it to be weird and abstract, so don't take it too seriously :D
I know that it doesn't have any interesting imagery etc. but do you get the plot? a friend told me it's unlinear, whereas I think it's perfectly linear. so, do you get the plot, more or less? (of course, most of the you's refer to the guy who handed out that sheet, they don't address the reader):p cheers :)
!!!Attentione, attentione!!!
madames et monsieurs,
prepare for a breath-taking piece
of intertextualism
and have all your expectations upset,
it takes a lot of breath, for sure
it’s not what you think.
Between the sheets
.
.
.
.
.
.
of a scarlet silk notebook,
made in China,
pink sunflowers facing orange pine-trees
or pine orange-trees? from Japan
there’s folded up a page,
A4, white with black letters,
common enough.
A poem.
A contract.
You handed it out and I must have
signed it. Or at least I underlined,
sheepish signatory, the important parts,
and jotted notes in the margin,
one out of thirty
not random
meaning : contradictions
stress is unlikely?
stress it’s unlikely
I stress that contradiction is likely
structure is taken up again and again
realized by clause
to live
Basically it said “Never”
about the poet and the girl
and love and all that,
or maybe “Yes, but only if."
And you know it’s unlikely.
Only, the poet put it much better,
otherwise he’d hardly be a painter,
when Africa’s children battle the bulge,
and the weeping willow dances at the skylark’s wedding,
and angels grow chest hair in blue-wine crates
and researchers know.
It travelled around the world
and peeked at the heart of England
from the lining of a frayed old coat,
silk, from China, like the notebook,
taken up again
not random
where it hid with coins and a teabag
for a year.
Ready to pounce.
The tea was still good afterwards.
But if you’re so sure it’s “Never”,
Why not write one yourself?
I’ll cry your tears for you
if you mind my own business
and you’ll renounce me
to keep me near.
I intended it to be weird and abstract, so don't take it too seriously :D
I know that it doesn't have any interesting imagery etc. but do you get the plot? a friend told me it's unlinear, whereas I think it's perfectly linear. so, do you get the plot, more or less? (of course, most of the you's refer to the guy who handed out that sheet, they don't address the reader):p cheers :)
!!!Attentione, attentione!!!
madames et monsieurs,
prepare for a breath-taking piece
of intertextualism
and have all your expectations upset,
it takes a lot of breath, for sure
it’s not what you think.
Between the sheets
.
.
.
.
.
.
of a scarlet silk notebook,
made in China,
pink sunflowers facing orange pine-trees
or pine orange-trees? from Japan
there’s folded up a page,
A4, white with black letters,
common enough.
A poem.
A contract.
You handed it out and I must have
signed it. Or at least I underlined,
sheepish signatory, the important parts,
and jotted notes in the margin,
one out of thirty
not random
meaning : contradictions
stress is unlikely?
stress it’s unlikely
I stress that contradiction is likely
structure is taken up again and again
realized by clause
to live
Basically it said “Never”
about the poet and the girl
and love and all that,
or maybe “Yes, but only if."
And you know it’s unlikely.
Only, the poet put it much better,
otherwise he’d hardly be a painter,
when Africa’s children battle the bulge,
and the weeping willow dances at the skylark’s wedding,
and angels grow chest hair in blue-wine crates
and researchers know.
It travelled around the world
and peeked at the heart of England
from the lining of a frayed old coat,
silk, from China, like the notebook,
taken up again
not random
where it hid with coins and a teabag
for a year.
Ready to pounce.
The tea was still good afterwards.
But if you’re so sure it’s “Never”,
Why not write one yourself?
I’ll cry your tears for you
if you mind my own business
and you’ll renounce me
to keep me near.