Yellow House For Sale

[jon1jt]

There's a yellow house
for sale. It was all
yellow.

[kiz_paws]

Awww, such a sad ending. I enjoyed the poem, Jon -- the style was refreshing, with dialogue and all. I think my favorite lines were:

All the dogs will have a place, hail the lark and gull, swooping, brandishing feathers and pointed bills, flying gold finches and trout, bees and eucalyptus. None shall be left out.
Till the next poetic installment... ;) Kizzo

[TheFifthElement]

Another excellent poem Jon - you're really knocking them out at the moment, huh? I love the second stanza especially, it captures the hope and fiction that lies between parent (or pseudo-parent in this case) and child, we tell them of wonderful things, the things our parents told to us that we know didn't come true but it's not a lie, there is always the hope that it could be true. That's what I got from this poem, the continuation of hope, and sadness at life's disappointments.

You have a way with those meaningful short lines, particularly this :


The end is always near.

and this :


I told her we'll outlive everybody.

and this:


None shall be left out.

and this :


so white you can no longer see them.

[B-Mental]

I love the whole thing, but especially the conversant portion....

I dial the realtor’s number...
Me: “Hello. I want the house, Williams Pond Road.”
Voice: Yellow?
Me: Yellow!
Voice: “Do you earn a cold small living, sir?..for the poor are half-hearts.
Me: No no, I am not of a quotidian nature, that was my parent’s folly. I work hard!
Voice: Yellow?
Me: Yellow, yellow curtains of willows, her words for me have taught me to love.
Voice: I’m sorry, sir, that house has been sold.

You are on a roll lately, I agree.

[AuntShecky]

Yes, of course this works, but again, what about the
line breaks? It is fine, though.

[jon1jt]

kiz, b-mental, fifth: you rock! I read your comments I want to write another one now! Thank you, thank you!! (B-mental--I think it's time for you to write a new visionquest poem, what do you think?!)

Aunt Shecky: Thanks aunty---I made some adjustment to the lines---
I didn't initially because I feared it would appear too long, so I felt at a loss and just loaded up the stanzas.

[Virgil]

I think the last stanza is superfluous. Otherwise another solid poem.

[jon1jt]

I think the last stanza is superfluous. Otherwise another solid poem.

Not only do you leave me perplexed about what to do with the last couple stanzas of my 'Jesus in a Used Appliance Store Heaving Stones,' you leave the same impression on this one!


Where's Larry the Leprechaun, I need to talk to him about you! :D

[Virgil]

Not only do you leave me perplexed about what to do with the last couple stanzas of my 'Jesus in a Used Appliance Store Heaving Stones,' you leave the same impression on this one!


Where's Larry the Leprechaun, I need to talk to him about you! :D

:lol: Check out the pictures of Larry in the thread. ;)

[dibyendra]

Such a heartfelt poem Jon but still there are sparks of high hopes as well. Second stanza is really impressive and the conversation you had in this poem makes this poem such a heartfelt. The poem as a whole is brilliantly expressed and I loved that. Keep up your good work Jon and thank you for sharing this poem !:thumbs_up

[B-Mental]

Thanks jon, I'll try, but you know how it is when the inspired moment grows distant. It won't be my baby, like it was before.

PS - I had to look up quotidian, you friggin english freak lol :P

[Il Penseroso]

hmmm, Virgil always wants you to get rid of some good lines. I like those last three especially. I see his point (I think), but don't think you should necessarily get rid of them.

I'm not so sure about the horse coming "toward" though (seems like an artificial attempt to give it pizazz), and "endangered and eucalyptus"

[B-Mental]

I thought toward shows motion...to me it was fine.

[jon1jt]

Such a heartfelt poem Jon but still there are sparks of high hopes as well. Second stanza is really impressive and the conversation you had in this poem makes this poem such a heartfelt. The poem as a whole is brilliantly expressed and I loved that. Keep up your good work Jon and thank you for sharing this poem !:thumbs_up

Thanks for taking the time for reading it, Dibyendra, and I'm happy you came away with that. The conversation part is my favorite too. It goes from such a high to such a low, and life can be like that sometimes, so I was trying to capture that extent of disappointment we sometimes face. I'll be checking in on your poetry later, looking forward!



Thanks jon, I'll try, but you know how it is when the inspired moment grows distant. It won't be my baby, like it was before.

PS - I had to look up quotidian, you friggin english freak lol :P

:lol: :lol: Oh hopefully you didn't become too distracted by the vocabulary, like quotidian, I was just going out of my way to make that part of the conversation sound absurdly pompous as you can see.

A visionquest can occur more than once in one's lifetime! Write it, let the public decide. And remember, The babies of poetry are born and reborn. :thumbs_up


hmmm, Virgil always wants you to get rid of some good lines. I like those last three especially. I see his point (I think), but don't think you should necessarily get rid of them.

I'm not so sure about the horse coming "toward" though (seems like an artificial attempt to give it pizazz), and "endangered and eucalyptus"

:lol: :lol: Virge is becoming Eraserman! I see his point too with this one because there is a sense of finality after the dialogue stanza. The last stanza is functioning as an epilogue, sort of.

the horse coming "toward"---hmmm. I never thought of that being possible. I think I can make a small adjustment to clear it up. Thanks IP.

B-Mental: This part is a strange blending of dream and reality
--I actually had the encounter with that horse, movement is how it felt to me too. Thanks.