A fool lost on his same tune

[mikeymo]

Humans designed for pain wee man thinks & destinations death, hollow legions capture our pavements gutter & lay lost, solitude found in question & interrogation the weak he still belches & answering the ego’s fears the fool stands faking his theory & he must need it, needs to know & leader wept & ambassador to his he finds some comfort & answer uncovers the jukebox den & his deceased soul hides behind his tombstone & needs to be shown sorrow & love “would anybody care, I was a somebody?” & silence seekers moan…fool crys & wonders when a tune is ever played for him - “who’s demeaning who?” sings wee man.

[B-Mental]

Hello mikeymo. Welcome to the forums. I like this, but am confused a bit. It appears to be written as one sentence. Are you writing it this way intentionally, or are you writing it as a poem, and expecting the reader to pull the tempo from the flow? Personally, I would break down phrases into indivdual lines on thoughts or themes, but I would enjoy learning why you chose to write it as such. Cheers, keep it up. Looking forward to more, B

[mikeymo]

Appreciate the reply, dont really have an answer to why I write like that..sometimes I do and the other time I write a more appropriate structure. I like the reader to make his own judgement on how to read and follow this.

[cracking muse]

I agree with B-Mental, I was just a wee bit confused about this one. To me it seems like to wrote out your feeling or whatnot - just a 'splat' of ideas. Now turn this into poetry, if that's your goal.

[B-Mental]

I appreciate the feed back. I would like to see how you would write that in a different manner, same words, just to see how your mind links it. It should stand as its original though, as that was your intent. You don't have to do what everyone else does, god forbid, which is part of why I like it.