A Poem

[cleo]

I don't post here often but the other day I tried my hand at writing a poem.
I am not a writer in anyway so I would be curious as to other peoples comments. If you comment, please be gentle in your critique. Thanks

I haven't given this a name yet, so would appreciate help.
Also I am sure the format needs a lot of work as well.

How will I react
The first time I see and hold you
Will I be overwhelmed with joy
Or so overwhelmed with
What have I gotten my self into
I have wanted you for so long
To hold you and sing to you
What will you think of me
Who is this stranger
That can't stop crying tears of joy
I am the person that dreamt about
you for so long
You are the answers to my prayer
Rest now little one
For you are now home

[Virgil]

The language is clean and controled but somewhat plain. It needs at least one turn of phrase or similie or metaphor. "Crying tears of joy" is a bit of a cliche, but it seems very honest here, which gets some credit. Hope that helps.

[ampoule]

I don't post here often but the other day I tried my hand at writing a poem.
I am not a writer in anyway so I would be curious as to other peoples comments. If you comment, please be gentle in your critique. Thanks

I haven't given this a name yet, so would appreciate help.
Also I am sure the format needs a lot of work as well.

How will I react
The first time I see and hold you
Will I be overwhelmed with joy
Or so overwhelmed with
What have I gotten my self into
I have wanted you for so long
To hold you and sing to you
What will you think of me
Who is this stranger
That can't stop crying tears of joy
I am the person that dreamt about
you for so long
You are the answers to my prayer
Rest now little one
For you are now home

This is sweet and tender especially at this time of year. It sounds like an adoption perhaps? I am not a good critic at all but I believe it should be...You are the answer to my prayers, not answers to my prayer.

[Caravaggio]

It's interesting, and poses a question that seems to lead to adoption, but maybe could be something else. I like the ambiguity of it.

There are a couple lines which are worded in a way that struck me as odd. They are not necessarily wrong, I'm just curious about your intentions.


Or so overwhelmed with
What have I gotten my self into

Did you intentionally write myself as two seperate words to imply some subtle point? My other observation is the second sentence could be worded "What I have gotten my self into." That wording would be like saying "I feel overwhelmed with what I have gotten myself into." Something I noticed from the way you choose to word it is "What have I gotten myself into?" as a sort of thought one would have during the situation in your poem.

[Janine]

Hi Cleo, I think your poem is very touching and sweet. I would like to see you write more. I personally like honest simplistic poems like this - ones that suddenly just come to us and we have to write them down. If it is truly about adopting a baby, it has so many lovely thoughts in it; like I can picture you singing to the baby - in a rocking chair, perhaps? I used to do so with my son, really brings back fond memories. I am soon to be a grandmother, (something I have hoped and prayed for for a long time now, like you stated in your poem) so I know how you feel, to some extent....especially when you say

"The first time I see and hold you
Will I be overwhelmed with joy"

I think I will feel this same way about my new grandbaby. I loved your last line; it is so maternal, and just the right words. Someday, how sweet it would be, to give this little poem to your beloved child.

Cleo, If your poem is personal and true to you, best wishes to you and your lucky child.

[cleo]

Janine,

Your comments were very nice. Yes, this poem is about adoption. I am currently in the process of adopting a baby on my own. It's a domestic adoption and the baby should be born in 2 months.

[Janine]

Janine,

Your comments were very nice. Yes, this poem is about adoption. I am currently in the process of adopting a baby on my own. It's a domestic adoption and the baby should be born in 2 months.

Oh Cleo, how wonderful! I certainly wish you all the success in your adoption. Adoption is something I highly respect others for. My cousin adopted a child from Korea and he is a wonderful boy. I have always thought how noble she and her husband were to take that child and give him a good home. Two months - wow, you must be so excited. Wishing you all the happiness of motherhood. :)

[blazeofglory]

I don't post here often but the other day I tried my hand at writing a poem.
I am not a writer in anyway so I would be curious as to other peoples comments. If you comment, please be gentle in your critique. Thanks

I haven't given this a name yet, so would appreciate help.
Also I am sure the format needs a lot of work as well.

How will I react
The first time I see and hold you
Will I be overwhelmed with joy
Or so overwhelmed with
What have I gotten my self into
I have wanted you for so long
To hold you and sing to you
What will you think of me
Who is this stranger
That can't stop crying tears of joy
I am the person that dreamt about
you for so long
You are the answers to my prayer
Rest now little one
For you are now home

This is indeed something about surrender and of course a kind of reunion and always this is indeed touching