Pissed Off

[jon1jt]

I'm pissed off, how's about you?

[kiz_paws]

Those short wee phrases punch out the anger, as I read it. I was envisioning the people involved, beautiful descriptions, Jon [nowheremom, et al].

Overall, I felt this poem, and think it is a perfect one to deliver at a Slam, (such fun!) -- blasting off that last line and all! Good job, Jon! :thumbs_up

[TheFifthElement]

I can be nothing you want me to be if
you try me hard enough.

Hard hitting poetry Jon! For some reason the above line really resonates, but like Kiz said, the whole poem would be great read...no, spat out. Its definitely a performance piece.

The second stanza is the best, in my opinion.


proclaim myself to you,
warlike, my warlike heart that weeps with shame

This also struck a chord - I'm reading 'Heroes and Villains' by Angela Carter at the moment (for the umpteenth time) - have you read it? The line fits the book so well it's almost spooky.

[jon1jt]

Poetry slam, hell yeah! I'm going to get up to the Bowery in NYC after the holidays which holds some pretty wild open mic poetry slams, the crowd really gets into it. I'll report back then on how it went!

I'm glad you see this one as being performed!

Let's be BARDIC! :p

[jon1jt]

Hard hitting poetry Jon! For some reason the above line really resonates, but like Kiz said, the whole poem would be great read...no, spat out. Its definitely a performance piece.

The second stanza is the best, in my opinion.



This also struck a chord - I'm reading 'Heroes and Villains' by Angela Carter at the moment (for the umpteenth time) - have you read it? The line fits the book so well it's almost spooky.


Nope, I actually never heard of her. Your upteenth time is good enough for me, I'll check her out. Thanks!

[blp]

I really love this, especially the confusion of it. Not sold on 'creamy goodness'. What's third base again? You probably can't say here. It gets a bit too all over the place in S3, but the end with caps lock on mitigates this...somewhat.

[amanda_isabel]

i love the description, and the beginning especially. :)

[jon1jt]

blp--i know it's a bit wild, but that is the poem. sometimes the mind races that way. Just imagine what it really sounds like!

amanda! glad you're digging, smile back at ya. :)