The Truth Behind Sandy Kisses

[The Rider]

Really would appreciate any criticism, Im not sure if this is complete yet. It was bouncing around in my had for awhile and seemed fine (don't they always) but when I put it on paper it seemed rather sparse.

My mind drifts sideways
From my consciousness,
And I find myself once again
On that golden wedge beneath the waxing sphere
As we once were.

But waves,
Like your touch,
Benumb my senses no more.
That soft moonlight has been replaced
By harsh luminscence.

Yet I realize,
As I return to now
I only wish to leave again.

[Xcape]

I really like this.

[blazeofglory]

Really would appreciate any criticism, Im not sure if this is complete yet. It was bouncing around in my had for awhile and seemed fine (don't they always) but when I put it on paper it seemed rather sparse.

My mind drifts sideways
From my consciousness,
And I find myself once again
On that golden wedge beneath the waxing sphere
As we once were.

But waves,
Like your touch,
Benumb my senses no more.
That soft moonlight has been replaced
By harsh luminscence.

Yet I realize,
As I return to now
I only wish to leave again.


We indeed can not put an end to the beauty of a poem, and there is no limit. Yet I think this piece is a good one. If we want excellence we have epics. Read Dante and Milton and Wordsworth. Modern poets do not write so engagingly.

Anyway this expresses a particular mood and feeling.

[TheFifthElement]

Really would appreciate any criticism, Im not sure if this is complete yet. It was bouncing around in my had for awhile and seemed fine (don't they always) but when I put it on paper it seemed rather sparse.

My mind drifts sideways
From my consciousness,
And I find myself once again
On that golden wedge beneath the waxing sphere
As we once were.

But waves,
Like your touch,
Benumb my senses no more.
That soft moonlight has been replaced
By harsh luminscence.

Yet I realize,
As I return to now
I only wish to leave again.


Perhaps it is sparse but I don't feel it is lacking in any way, I always feel there is more in what is not said, than what is. This is a lovely poem Rider 'On that golden wedge beneath the waxing sphere' - very evocative, and open to interpretation. If I have a criticism at all, it would only be that the last stanza doesn't quite have the strength of the first two, perhaps because it is more of a statement as opposed to the openness of the images preceding it. That being said it gives the impression of waking suddenly from a beautiful dream, something which would perhaps be lost if the final stanza was more oblique.


We indeed can not put an end to the beauty of a poem, and there is no limit. Yet I think this piece is a good one. If we want excellence we have epics. Read Dante and Milton and Wordsworth. Modern poets do not write so engagingly.

Blaze - do you think so? I think there are some wonderful modern poets, as engaging as any of those you have quoted. The problem for modern writers tends to be that it's hard to be original - Dante, Milton and Wordworth had the advantage of being there first for that!

[blazeofglory]

Perhaps it is sparse but I don't feel it is lacking in any way, I always feel there is more in what is not said, than what is. This is a lovely poem Rider 'On that golden wedge beneath the waxing sphere' - very evocative, and open to interpretation. If I have a criticism at all, it would only be that the last stanza doesn't quite have the strength of the first two, perhaps because it is more of a statement as opposed to the openness of the images preceding it. That being said it gives the impression of waking suddenly from a beautiful dream, something which would perhaps be lost if the final stanza was more oblique.



Blaze - do you think so? I think there are some wonderful modern poets, as engaging as any of those you have quoted. The problem for modern writers tends to be that it's hard to be original - Dante, Milton and Wordworth had the advantage of being there first for that!


The point is today our time is divided and we have no time enough to devote to poetry. Now we have little time fo rpoetry whereas in those days their life was dedicated to poetry and that is why they came with better poems.