"I love you..."

[Caravaggio]

“I love you…”

Rene observed silently with his furry crooked smile
Certainly thinking thoughts like why can’t I move
but happiness, fury, and opulent things filled the tiny craw place of an awaited return
that sumptuous smell, gliding over God’s marvelous medium
And Sting smoothly
reverberating
into the midnight hour.



If you can guess what Rene is, you win a smily face.

[blp]

I can't guess (a queen bee? nah), but this is jolly nice.

[blazeofglory]

“I love you…”

Rene observed silently with his furry crooked smile
Certainly thinking thoughts like why can’t I move
but happiness, fury, and opulent things filled the tiny craw place of an awaited return
that sumptuous smell, gliding over God’s marvelous medium
And Sting smoothly
reverberating
into the midnight hour.



If you can guess what Rene is, you win a smily face.

This is deceitfully beautiful, and intriguingly enticing notwithstanding I could not figure out a straw of it.

At times poetry has something that are highly penetrating and deepening and our level of understanding cnnot match with the profundity of the poet.

[Caravaggio]

blp: nice try lol :p

blazeofglory: thanks for your comment and because I like trying to explain my intentions with my words, even if others might find their own meanings which is perfectly acceptable and intended, I'll explain a few bits.

So Rene is something that cannot talk, but can observe, he is furry, he cannot move (maybe he wants to move because he's seeing a bit more than he bargained for) Rene has a crooked smile, Rene is a Teddy Bear seeing a bit of romance :yawnb:. That sumptuous smell is the smell of lovemaking, God's marvelous medium is the human body, Sting is the singer Sting.

[TheFifthElement]

“I love you…”

Rene observed silently with his furry crooked smile
Certainly thinking thoughts like why can’t I move
but happiness, fury, and opulent things filled the tiny craw place of an awaited return
that sumptuous smell, gliding over God’s marvelous medium
And Sting smoothly
reverberating
into the midnight hour.



If you can guess what Rene is, you win a smily face.

Caravaggio, this is brilliant, just brilliant, happiness, fury and opulent things. What was Sting singing, hopefully not 'Every little thing she does is magic'? :D

Lovely poem.

[ampoule]

Very very nice.

[Caravaggio]

I think Sting was singing Fields of Gold, but my memory is a little fuzzy. lol I must admit I'm a bit of a Romantic and Sting is my favorite singer. I'm 24 years old, and I suspect not many 24 year olds like Sting as much as I do lol.

I'll be posting all my poems in this thread. Conservation of space and all that. Here's another:



The Deep Blue Sea

The deep blue sea
That is where i want to be
Drown my sorrows in the fathomless depths

Forget what all has been

Fall asleep as the waves go past
Far, far away from me
The wind flowing through my pain

I take a breath and breathe

A soft sigh for the sea
The toll it takes away from me
As the sun shines on the sand

Time ceases where i stand

[kiz_paws]

The Deep Blue Sea

The deep blue sea
That is where i want to be
Drown my sorrows in the fathomless depths

Forget what all has been

Fall asleep as the waves go past
Far, far away from me
The wind flowing through my pain

I take a breath and breathe

A soft sigh for the sea
The toll it takes away from me
As the sun shines on the sand

Time ceases where i stand
I loved your poem, Caravaggio, the flow of it matched the subject matter beautifully. Yeah, I loved the whole poem, thanks! (p.s. welcome to LitNet!) :)

[Caravaggio]

Thanks for the welcome kiz paws, and nice Kurt Cobain quote :D.

[Caravaggio]

A few words about the previous poem, and then onward.

The deep blue sea is one of my favorite poems. It came to me in a burst. I like the sounds of the words flowing through my head. If I need some comfort sometimes I'll recite it to myself and think of sandy beaches and rolling waves. I made the line arrangement one, then three, etc to mimic waves coming in and peaks and valleys between waves.

An aside about this website:

I wasn't sure if I would like this site all that much, but in a short time I've come to enjoy reading other poetry. It's not all perfect, but overall I think it's of a good quality, and there are many diamonds in the rough. Thank you for your creativity all ye who post here and many happy writings.

Onwards:



Almost a Poem

The brink of the abyss lies far, far ahead.
My eye’s view dances on its edge
Down to a dark place that I can almost imagine.
The enigmatic mists stir in swirling patterns
Gently spiraling into thought ridden sights.

I sit down onto the gravel.
Dust puffs up, brown and bleached
by the glaring torch overhead
The wind soothes my skin
As nature’s lost sound echoes
through canyons of arguable sin

Then through sudden inspiration
I fly up and charge at the chasm!
A soundless scream reverberates in my head
Coming to the edge, I stop.
Glancing below, It stares up into me
Etching something never to be lost,
Schrödinger's cat at work on my soul





Schrodinger's cat is something I learned from a physics class. It has to do with quantum mechanics, and how sometimes the simple act of observation can change the outcome of an experiment.

Here's a link for more info. Maybe too much info. lol
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger's_cat

[kiz_paws]

Yeah, caught that wave action, Caravaggio -- nicely done!

I enjoyed Almost a Poem, that ending was thought provoking (thanks for the link). I liked the phrase "As nature’s lost sound echoes through canyons of arguable sin". Great stuff. See ya later, Kizzo :)

[Pendragon]

The only objection I have is calling it "Almost a Poem". Man, this is like saying the Nile River is damp. http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Anime.gif

[Caravaggio]

Yeah, I'll agree the title isn't the best. The reason for the that particular title is because after I first wrote it, I was not sure if it really had a point. Usually when I write a poem, I have a strong idea I'm chasing. That poem, I just started writing the first thing that came to my head. So when I had finished I thought to myself, Hmm... it's sort of a poem? But what does it mean? Now, I feel I understand it, and/or it can be understood a multitude of ways, so I should probable change the title.

[kiz_paws]

Well, it is with poetic license that you can call it whatever you wish! I personally liked that touch, so I'd say don't change it. I actually think that Pen's comment was the compliment of compliments, coming from our resident prolific poet himself (stop blushing, Pen!). Anyhooooo, those were my thoughts. :)

[Caravaggio]

I like reading this next poem out loud. A little background about sexy minefield. I had made a comment to an x girlfriend that women can be a bit like minefields sometimes, and she told her boyfriend that and he told her she's a sexy minefield which i thought was hilarious.



Happy to see you’re a happy “sexy minefield”

How is it happiness
In another
Can lead to happiness
Within me

When once my other
Met another
And became the other’s
Other
Half of once me
Living
Without me
We were
Together
We hoped for
Forever
You would not disagree
But would agree
About we
Although thee
Are
An angel
Me—
I’m trapped
Within
Mine own
Meddle
You have wonderful mettle
And have found
In
An other
A lover
That makes thee
Happy

Your pants—
Grow a little more goofy
Your smile—
Grows big and poofy
This makes me happy
Happy to see
The happiness
In thee

P.S. my nickname for her was goofy pants.

[jon1jt]

hey caravaggio, i read your first, which reminds me how sound precedes meaning, and how the sound is ultimately the poem, to me. very nice.

[Caravaggio]

Thats an interesting observation; all words are are sounds anyway. I tend to like poems with a smooth flow to them in a sense.

Not much to say about this one 'cept some relationships never really end.



Requiem for Star-Crossed Love

I grabbed a Rose by the stem
And made myself a crown of thorns
Now I sit here bleeding crimson thoughts
An achingly slow vastless smooth sensation
Wounds that never close
Blood that doesn’t stain any sheets
Blood coming from hard lessons
Burning droplets that echo that soft lament
Song of Star-Crossed Lovers doomed to dance
Their fires blazed too bright, too hot
My song; My end

[kiz_paws]

Caravaggio, loved that Sexy Minefield, bouncy, fun, good stuff.

The Requiem for Star-Crossed Love was very lovely. The line I thought was very cool was "bleeding crimson thoughts". Anyhow, good job, and look forward to more of your stuff. :) Kizzo

[TheFifthElement]

Requiem for Star-Crossed Love

I grabbed a Rose by the stem
And made myself a crown of thorns
Now I sit here bleeding crimson thoughts
An achingly slow vastless smooth sensation
Wounds that never close
Blood that doesn’t stain any sheets
Blood coming from hard lessons
Burning droplets that echo that soft lament
Song of Star-Crossed Lovers doomed to dance
Their fires blazed too bright, too hot
My song; My end

Like Kiz pointed out, that line 'Now I sit here bleeding crimson thoughts' is excellent. Keep 'em coming Caravaggio :)

[Caravaggio]

An idea just popped in my head, but first off thank you for your comments. If I were to take Requiem for Star-Crossed Love and turn it into a real sonnet/ requiem (can a requiem be a sonnet?) then it might make for a better work I think. Now, I've never tried to write a sonnet and know very little about what actually constitutes a sonnet, so this will be a bit of a challenge, and of course any help will and would be appreciated.

[Caravaggio]

The rain knows truth

When a storm rumbles
The clouds and wind speak of many things
So does the earth with the dust
All witness, share, and reminisce
But the rain knows beauty

The thunderheads rage at each other
While the wind waltzes with willows
--who whip around with worry
The dust deserting in billows
And the land dirty

Then the rain comes washing down
The dust returns to earth
--a muddy matrimony
The water calms the willows
While the wind sings of sadness

But the wind is fickle and forgets
The earth does not travel far
The dust cares only for itself
And the clouds stare at the stars
Solely the rain remembers

[AuntShecky]

Your first piece was cute but I think you meant "crawl"
space.

[Caravaggio]

Thank you Auntshekcy, for your critique, I think you are right, I did a search at dictionary.com over craw and crawl space and to be honest neither term came expecting what I thouhgt it would be, but crawl was defintely closer to my intetions of a small space, i.e. an atick with a one person mattress.

I greatly appreciate your criticism and insight thank you :D.

I alwsays do this while editing, lol, but in hindsihght, I'm trying t discern what people look for in poetry, and I'm surprised actually that so many people like my first poem as it was one I did not put a great deal of thought into whie other poetryh I have posteed I spent a great deal of time on and it doesn't seem to be as well recieved. Honeslty, I well appreciate any response, I would really like it if Virgil responded to my poetry, but I'm guessing It has not past his muster, which I respect, I am not looking for a pity vote of confidence and I think from reading his responses he is one of the most technically proficient reviewers on this site, who has a very clear idea of what he likes and does not like. I greatly appreciate that. And maybe I will generate a ressponse good or bad from him either one, being appreciated because of the respect I have for his opinion.

[Chortle]

fabulous, it captures the emotion beatutifully, i thank you for your gift of word

[Caravaggio]

Sorry for the half way enibriated response, but from past experience from critizues i have found that any critique can really improve the direction one follows in poetry.