This Journey

[Lozenge121]

My willpower's weak
But your power is strong
Every time I break down
I fuel up on strength again
And move forward
But you're stood in the middle of the track
Hands on your hips,
Crocodile tears in your eyes
So I slow down,
I stop,
I break down
Head in my hands and real tears in my eyes
Maybe one day I'll find the strength to steam ahead
And then... you're left in ruins?
This is a guilt trip.

[ampoule]

Wow Lozenge, you have described that trip very well. At first I thought maybe it would be good to leave off that last line and let people guess what kind of a trip but now I'm really glad it is there. It's like standing there with someone saying..yeah, you guessed it..a real guilt trip.
Good job.

[mazHur]

a desperate poem !

[PrinceMyshkin]

I want to endorse what ampoule said about the last live - and maybe do even more than endorse it! There is something rather cunning about admitting that it was a guilt trip, which simultaneously convicts yourself and lays even more guilt on the one it's intended for. A strong poem, a muscular one!

[Pensive]

My willpower's weak
But your power is strong
Every time I break down
I fuel up on strength again
And move forward
But you're stood in the middle of the track
Hands on your hips,
Crocodile tears in your eyes
So I slow down,
I stop,
I break down
Head in my hands and real tears in my eyes
Maybe one day I'll find the strength to steam ahead
And then... you're left in ruins?
This is a guilt trip.

This is a good poem, Lozenage!


But you're stood in the middle of the track

This line looks a bit awkward though. Maybe 'But you stand in the middle of the track' would look better.

[blazeofglory]

My willpower's weak
But your power is strong
Every time I break down
I fuel up on strength again
And move forward
But you're stood in the middle of the track
Hands on your hips,
Crocodile tears in your eyes
So I slow down,
I stop,
I break down
Head in my hands and real tears in my eyes
Maybe one day I'll find the strength to steam ahead
And then... you're left in ruins?
This is a guilt trip.


Fabulously piercing and tellingly appealing. It kind of beguiles my mind. I am amuck, indeed out of control. wild.

[Lozenge121]

Thanks for all comments :) Ampoule, I thought that that last line summed up my feelings altogether, sort of tied everything up?, MazHur, I was feeling sort of desperate when I wrote it, in fact, just the fact that I wrote it made me feel even guiltier, PrinceMyshkin, cunning, I like that :thumbs_up, I didn't actually realise I was sort of convicting both people but that makes a lot of sense now I think about it, Pensive, I'm glad you liked it, and yea, I see what you mean, I think maybe I will change that line, and Blaze, it's nice to know something I wrote could have that kind of effect.